I have two sisters. I gave them nicknames for social media: the Historian and the Philosopher. I don’t know who I am. I guess I would call myself the Director – it’s what we each studied in college.
Anyway, Jill was the Historian. She loved history and studied history and taught history. She kept history, and she wrote history. And, now, she has made history.
You see, two weeks ago Jill left this earth. Her body stopped. Her breath escaped for one last time. And, we who are left behind will now get to remember her for the rest of our own lives. She is a part of our collective history, unique and unforgettable. Incredibly fragile, yet impossibly strong.
Has it really only been two weeks?
Yes, it has only been two weeks. Actually, it has only been 13 days, and it has been difficult. I could not take time from work, because work can’t wait. So, I keep ushering grief outside. I can’t deal with you right now. Yet, it finds its way into my heart again and again. It’s that gentle gust that passes over the window sill and I hear myself saying for the thousandth time, “I can’t believe my sister’s not here.”
Jill kept saying how much she longed for Christmas to come this year. I’d say it came early for her. That is the great comfort I feel in all of this, that she is with Jesus now. She is with God. She is now fully aware of how much He loved her, and how much she pleased Him. She tried so hard. Now, she knows she succeeded. Her efforts were never needed, because her heart was His and He did all the work for her. That makes me glad. Striving has ceased.
There isn’t much more I will share. I just wanted to be sure there was a record, a historical record on my blog, that my sister is gone. She was, and now is forever. Her gone-ness from our lives is painful and is going to take time to accept, but let it be known that one of the most dear has been delivered. Pain has no victory today. Disease has no victory now. The tormentor and deceiver is forever denied another moment of torture. God said, “It’s time. She gets to win today.” It is a loss for us left behind, but she won. She took the victory crown. I can’t believe my sister is gone. I cannot believe she is not there. I don’t like that I am forever deprived of her friendship and laughter and love, but I would never want to take this victory from her. I will love her forever, and when I see her again she will be so excited to tell me what she’s been doing.
I look forward to that.
P.S. Friends, don’t miss a single moment to love, forgive, and give to the people God has given you – the people you were born to, the people who call you family. We don’t choose these people. so it is easy to neglect them for the ones we did choose, the ones whom we judge worthy and qualified. Don’t make that mistake. Mend fences the ones you share history with, the one who knew you before you were allowed to choose your own people, the ones who still choose you even when you reject them. Had Jill passed at other times in our life, I would not have the blessing of being able to say we were in right standing with each other. We worked through the bad times. You can work through them, too. And, if it’s too late, if that person is already gone, ask the Lord to forgive you for that love withheld, the forgiveness you would not give. Apologize to anyone left – their people. Let them have a chance to offer the comfort you need. If they fail to, forgive them, as well. Leave with a clear conscience. Let the Lord do the rest. ❤