A Dumb Movie and Bad Company

EDIT on 5/9/19 I had my dates wrong.
I’ve been sharing how I came to understand God’s call on my life to be my husband’s help meet. It started with a post in October called
Six Months. The second post was My Filthy Rags.
  As I was editing the third and last post of this testimony, I was very impressed by the Holy Spirit that there needed to be some context. I don’t know how much context, yet, but we’ll start with this. 


I began to backslide from the Lord when I was seventeen-years-old. Though I was born and raised in a Christian home, I started college very young and began being impacted by the worldly culture around me. I still attended church and prayed and believed, but I was losing sight of Jehovah. It was a slow and unintentional walk away from God, but day by day I was forsaking the truth. 

God doesn’t forget us, though, just because we forget Him. He never loses sight of us, and never stops calling us back to Himself. (Thank You, Lord!)  Even as we question and challenge and reject and rebel, He continues to woo us. It gets harder to hear Him as we clutter our minds with the things of this world, but sometimes God sends people or circumstances to speak for Him. Sometimes, that gets our attention. And, sometimes it takes a dumb movie and bad company.

That’s where I found myself, when I heard the Lord speak to me, again. It was 1987, and a friend was house-sitting. He invited a few of us over to watch a movie and hang-out in a rich man’s apartment. I couldn’t have been more bored, but that’s when I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me. I was trying to watch the stupid movie, while my trio of gay buddies gossiped about who knows what. I just wasn’t into it, and that’s when I heard the Lord say:

“I am still the God of Abraham. I have not changed.”

I wish I could have seen my face in that moment. I was so taken aback. What is God doing here?  I remember sitting up straight in my seat and grabbing my notepad from my bag. Sometimes, when the Holy Spirit speaks to us, its just a statement or an instruction. Sometimes, it’s a revelation, or a prophecy—words that are full of deeper meaning. This might have been old news for everyone else, but in that moment in time this was a fresh revelation for me. God was putting me on notice, and He had my attention.

“You think I’m a god who understands your compromise? Well, am not. You think I’m a god who does not require consecration? Well, I am not. I am still the God of Abraham, and what I asked of him I could still ask of you.”

If God hadn’t changed, than I had better change fast.

My Filthy Rags

I had three major confrontations with the Lord in 2001. They began at the women’s Bible study (testimony here) and continued through the summer, when I finally dipped into a pile of articles Doug had given me to read.

Those articles would eventually be life changing, but I didn’t want anything to do with them at first. Oh, I was very happy for him, because he’d finally found a ministry that actually addressed his spiritual need. It was the first time we’d heard anyone use the term sexual addiction, and these men* had testimonies to back up their articles. He felt so much hope, and I was hopeful, too. Maybe, this was the answer we’d been waiting for, and all my suffering would finally be over. 

You see, while I recognized there was a spiritual war going on, I didn’t realize Doug and I each had battles to fight. I thought this war was his war, because it was his fault. If he would just do the right thing, we’d win the war and live happily ever after. Wasn’t I doing my part?  Keep the home fires burning, Caroline! Despite the fact God had been dealing with me all year long, calling me to yield to His will for my life, I just didn’t understand that there was something for me to do. I was sure our problems started with him, and would only end when he stopped living a chronic cycle of Sin-Repent-Repeat. In the meanwhile, I would be the good Christian wife I thought I was and endure this suffering. Isn’t that what longsuffering means?

Wives, God doesn’t call us to endure our husband’s sin. If we’re just holding our own, trying to get better at enduring, we’re wasting our time. That’s as far away from being a help meet as we can get. Yet, I know that’s what most wives think they’re supposed to do: don’t quit on him. Without meaning to, they become his enabler.  

You see there is a difference between godly endurance and human endurance, and too often we confuse them. Godly endurance stands out, because it bears spiritual fruit in both you and him. It doesn’t enable him to stay unchanged and in sin, but instead reminds him that his race isn’t over. We don’t ignore his fall and fail to hold him to account, but urge him to get up (repent) and keep going.  

I’m not sure when I gave in and picked-up an article, but I do remember the words took me by surprise. Like a tsunami. The first article was called, “Why People Remain in Sin and Bondage,” by David Kyle Foster. I remember thinking that maybe this article would help me understand Doug better, but instead it helped me understand myself better. It was an incredible experience. Yes, it was life changing.  I very clearly recall sitting in bed and sensing the presence of Christ beside me. I could see myself next to Him, my head down, looking at the pure white drapes of His robe. It was then I finally saw my filthy rags. I wept, I repented. My eyes were opened. For so long I had seen myself somehow ahead of Doug on this course, but suddenly I realized we were in the same place. I had no advantage over him, because I didn’t struggle with his brand of sin. I was not further ahead, because I had grown-up in Sunday school classes. We were equally wretched sinners, both in need of a Savior. 

Looking back now, I realize that God was preparing me for what was soon to come. If our family was going to survive the onslaught Satan had prepared for us, I was going to have to rise up out of my selfish version of Christianity and become a woman God could actually use. I was going to have to put my flesh in its place, just as much as Doug would—though in very different ways. I was now in the war.

*David Kyle Foster (Pure Passion) and Steve Gallagher (Pure Life Miniseries)

In The Beginning

About 20 years ago, Doug and I were in the battle of our lives. We didn’t know it, but we were at a turning point. How we came through this was going to redefine the rest of our lives. And, though we were battling for the same cause, we were fighting on different fronts. He had his fight, and I had mine.

Of course, I did not understand any of this at the time. From my perspective then, this war was essentially his fault, and his deliverance was going to bring an end to the conflict. That was the focus of my prayer life: that God would deliver him.

However, God had a call on my life that I wasn’t answering. It was the call to be my husband’s help meet. Though I had grown-up in church, I was never taught the true, biblical meaning of the word. I never heard a pastor preach on it, and my premarital counseling never even mentioned it. No one ever told me it was God’s call on every wife’s life. No one ever told me the spiritual responsibility I had, or the spiritual authority God had given me. I wish I’d been equipped from the beginning with all I learned that year, and the years since, because I think it would have made all the difference.

That’s why I blog about it now. I am desperate to see Christian men fulfill the call of God on their lives, but they cannot do it alone. 

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18, KJV

God recognized man’s need, and made woman. However, there is a job to be done here. It is not just a title; a position of honor. It is a calling. 

And, it’s a calling I am still learning to answer. I have an excellent Teacher, but I am a poor student. So, I am learning as I type. I am determined to keep typing, though. I believe there is at least one woman who will read this, receive it, and it will make all the difference for her, her husband, her marriage, her family, and the Kingdom of God. I believe that with all my heart. It is a call that may not be easy, ladies—especially, if your husband is not walking with the Lord. However, it is a ministry unto the Lord. Your obedience to this call has eternal consequences—and, eternal rewards! 

So, yes, I will be writing more on the subject and filing these posts in the “Help Meet” category so they can be easily found.

God bless you tonight. ❤

Write Your Own

Hey, married people.

Just a reminder: you are one in the spirit. What you do impacts each other, which is why you are allowed/expected/obligated to speak up and act out on behalf of one another’s life, health, spirituality, well-being, etc.

If you don’t want to be accountable to anyone, or for anyone, move into a cave and good luck to you. If you want to be happily married, hold each other accountable. Help each other make good decisions. Tell each other the choices that you think are wrong, and help each other make better ones.

Pray for each other like your life depends on it, because it does.

If he or she says it’s none of your business, show him that ring on your finger. You tell him he made it your business when he asked, “Marry me?” She made it your business when she said, “Yes.” You have a right to not only disagree, but force the issue. You have a right to expect your spouse live a life that conforms to the Word of God.

Marriage is hard. It is harder still for anyone who claims Christ as Lord. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or be afraid, though, when it feels too hard to handle. Just take action. Start on your knees, and keep moving. Fight the good fight of faith for your spouse, for your marriage, for your family, and for your future. God’s gift should not be taken lightly. He or she has been entrusted to your care, and his or her spiritual maturity depends on you.

Period.

Oh, I know, they have a free will. They will make choices outside of the counsel of God. That is absolutely right, and we are NEVER responsible for our spouse’s decision to sin. However, the choice to sin isn’t the end of the story. In fact, in many ways it is just the beginning.

Once upon a time the happily married
—though possibly oblivious—
spouse 
discovered his/her spouse
had forsaken his/her vows…

How that story ends depends on you.

I am praying for you today. It is God’s will to use your marriage as a showpiece of His love for mankind. No matter how broken your marriage may be today, or how badly your spouse has forsaken you, I pray that hope will overtake doubt, and faith will conquer fear. God is able. I can say that with all assurance, because of all that He has done for me.

 If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am. God, the Father of our Lord Jesus, who is worthy of eternal praise, knows I am not lying.” (2 Corinthians 11:30-31)