In a post from 2016, What An Apology Isn’t, I wrote about Selfish Sam.
Recently, reports of Selfish Sam have reached my ears, again. It is news of behavior that can honestly be described as not only selfish, but actually sadistic. I thought it was appropriate to share this post, again.
Once upon a time, the Hollywood elite woke-up to the news that one of their gods had been cast down and cast out. It was revealed that he had treated women very, very badly. In spite of the fact that the Hollywood Casting Couch has long been a fact of life in the entertainment industry, everyone reacted with shock and horror. Famous men and women began speaking out.
“Oh, he’s a great man. Everyone knew he did things like this. but he’s such an artistic genius. He means so much to this industry.”
“Well, we just didn’t…talk about it. You know?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess I knew about it 25 years ago, but— but, I didn’t know it was this bad.”
“There were rumors, but I never actually heard anyone say he’d done it to them. So, you know. What was I supposed to do?”
“So glad it’s finally come out. It’s so exhausting to have to cover up that behavior day in and day out. I’m so glad I don’t have to that anymore!”
“I knew women were being mistreated, but I thought it was just a dirty, little secret we all kept hush-hush. It’s not like I’ve never, you know….amiright?”
“I sure felt bad for all those women over the years. Me say something? Well, why would I do that? Defending them would have cost me my career.”
In their own special way, Hollywood suddenly cared about women being raped.
Women who have helped objectify women on screen, selling their bodies to the highest bidder, were suddenly appalled at how this man behaved in private.
Men who are as guilty, or more so, suddenly decried his actions as unacceptable.
The industry that has been teaching us how to rape, teaching us that people like to be raped, and teaching us that rape is proof he (or she) is really into you, suddenly decided they didn’t like rape, after all. At least, not today.
Was this really Hollywood speaking, or Holywood? Everyone was suddenly morally self-righteous. All those who once bowed at his feet, paying him the highest tributes, suddenly knew right from wrong.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world absorbed every titillating word.
In mid-1990s, another Hollywood god was temporarily dethroned, when it was discovered he had been molesting his daughters—ultimately marrying one of them. He said they were in love.
When this happened, I was certain his career was over. I was very wrong. Like another famous director, I thought he would be forced to leave the United States. Instead, he continued to live life in all its previous glory, even spawning his own grandchildren. So precious.
Most importantly, for today’s discussion, his career was unhindered. He continued to make movies—at least one a year, since those gross revelations. And, who starred in his movies? Why, the very same people who now cry foul on Hollywood’s latest sexual predator/movie mogul. Needless to say, I’m not very convinced by any of their shock and horror. They are actors, after all. You don’t have to be very good at the craft to play outrage.
Frankly, I think many of us are outraged, disgusted, and saddened by the news of one more victim of someone else’s sin, but no one can be surprised. Did we really think the Hollywood moguls were a choir of angels? In the upper echelons of the industry, where money and power are at stake, angels don’t survive.
I don’t know how long this story will make headlines, but I hope it’s just long enough to convince us that our participation in this industry needs to be reevaluated. We can boycott all the movies this man produced, but we know he isn’t alone. We know there are some who have committed crimes far greater than his—they just haven’t yet been dethroned.
When our daughter was still at home, we only watched what we would want her to watch. Even if she was not watching with us, we believed that she was susceptible to anything we brought into our home. We were the watchmen of our home, after all. We controlled the gate.
Well, when she got older and was living at college, we kind of slacked off. The entertainment available to us had really exploded, compliments of the internet. We would use filters and the fast-forward button, but the truth is you can’t predict every bad word that might be said. Some images cross the screen, before you can catch them. Despite our sincere efforts, there were still things we were seeing and hearing that were poison to our spirit man.
It’s kind of like a person with a wheat allergy, trying to enjoy a hamburger on a wheat bun. I can tell you, it’s not easy. It’s messy, and nearly impossible. Some of the gluten free bun options aren’t very good—they fall apart or taste like a punishment. Lettuce-wrapped buns are a nifty invention, but only a deft hand can turn lettuce into an effective bun substitute—the wrong technique leaves you with a pile of disappointment. So, what usually happens is that you end up eating some of the bun, drowning your regret with gallons of water, but still getting a headache and swollen joints.
Fortunately, there are a lot of other things to eat. We have a choice. We don’t actually have to compromise our health and well-being, or our soul and spirit. There are alternatives to Hollywood. There aren’t many, and some of them are like a disintegrating GF bun, but who cares? Some things just aren’t worth it, and for me, that includes Hollywood.
I know that many who will read this disrespect, disregard, and even despise President Trump, but I am compelled to call on us all to pray for him, the First Lady, and the entire administration as they face the growing needs of our nation.
“This is an unprecedented situation.”
How many times have we heard that in the past two months? Yet, once again. If ever there were a time for us to put our grievances against President Trump (and those associated with him) aside, shouldn’t it be now? This does not mean we ignore our political differences with him. It only means that we choose to not make them a priority right now.
Despite the ardent efforts, hopes and even prayers of some, he is still the President of the United States. He is still the one who is making very important decisions. He is still the one whom these burdens all fall. He needs our prayer support. He and his team need wisdom, strength, courage, and discernment. We must not hope he stumbles in handling these crisis, but pray he is most successful. The needs in our nation today are not going to be aided by his failure to lead well.
Please, pray for our leaders through this season of crisis. I have a strong feeling it will not be over soon.
“Why aren’t Christians more Christ-like?”
“You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves.
“Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.
“When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
“But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.” (Romans 6:18-22, NIV)
“What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!” (Romans 6:21, NIV)
“Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey, whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” (Romans 6:16, NIV)
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:7-10, NIV)
“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” (1 Corinthians 6:12, KJV)
Yesterday, as I was thinking about the freedoms that have been fought for and died for by the brave men and women who have served in our armed forces, I found myself thinking about the freedoms that have been surrendered by the American voter.
Once upon a time, America was “one nation under God,” and we all knew there was no God but Jehovah. However, today we are a nation more divided than ever in history.
How did we get here?
The values of the Judeo-Christian faith were once the standard by which we measured our laws and conduct in America. The Golden Rule——a biblical passage!—was the rule of the day, something every child learned in school. However, that godly standard has been rejected. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I know it was a slow process that began to accelerate on the day we elected a President who proudly declared we are no longer “just” a Christian nation. He said that long before he was even nominated, but we voted for him, anyway.
In fairness, he likely thought he was being inclusive, but his spiritual blindness made it impossible for him to understand that unity outside of the grace of Jehovah God is impossible. The simple truth is that our nation was only inclusive, because of Him.
Our nation was only united, because of Him.
Our nation was only free, because of Him.
Dear friends, please, pray for our nation. Please, take a moment today, in the midst of your celebrations, to gather together and pray. Can you imagine if we all would be willing to honor Jehovah this afternoon with a moment of prayer, repentance, and consecration on behalf of our fellow Americans? Imagine if, united in prayer, we plead the mercy and grace of God upon our nation once again?
(This is a prayer for our nation by Rabbi Jonathan Cahn on the National Day of Prayer 2016. I strongly encourage you to watch it.)
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, KJV)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.”
(Proverbs 15:1, TLB)
“A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath,
But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.”
(Proverbs 15:1, Amp.)
“A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.” (Proverbs 15:1, MSG)
I answered this question 15 years ago, almost to the day. My answer surprised me, and changed my life.
Over the years, this question has become a self-examination I like to take again from time to time. It’s become a way for me to just take inventory of my life, and confront places of spiritual neglect, unbelief, and disobedience.
Bear in mind, you can’t think about, or contemplate, your answer. You have to say the first thing that comes to mind.
And, you have to say it out loud. That’s absolutely essential.
Blurt it out!
You don’t have be very loud, but loud enough for your brain to hear you. Trust me on this.
OK. Here we go. Are you ready? If you want to share your answer, please do in a comment. However, I’ll understand if you want to keep it private. As this question has a way of revealing the deep things of the heart, I like to keep my answers private until I’ve had a chance to process what they mean.
Here is a pretty picture to cleanse your mental palate.
Remember: first thing that comes to mind.
Over the summer, I developed a case of eczema (contact dermatitis?) on my hands. It was not improving, no matter what I did. Instead, I was getting a taste—a small taste, but a bitter taste nonetheless—of what the Saxophone Player has lived with his entire of life. My hands were always in pain. Water made them sting. Lotions did not help. It kept getting worse every day.
By Tuesday night, I was actually starting to despair. It had been the worst day yet, and I imagined it spreading up my arms by October. I was kinda freaking out, but it was disturbing enough that it compelled me to finally try something new: coconut oil. I have heard people tell me how great it is for our skin, but it just seemed so weird to me.
Misery won over my brain, though. I had an unopened jar, so I scooped some into a clean container and decided to give it a shot. Well, immediately I noticed it did not sting when it touched my skin. It also DID NOT make my hands itch. That was amazing all by itself. The next thing I noticed was that the moisturizing effect lasted. I have always had very dry hands, so not being able to use lotion (because it made the eczema itchy) was pretty bad. By the next morning, I definitely felt an improvement. Doug has talked about how he can feel his skin is better or worse on the inside, and I never understood what he meant. That morning, I totally got it. Seriously, night and day. There was a difference!
As of right now, it has been less than 48 hours. It seems a little premature to be calling coconut oil a miracle cure, but I am just so impressed! The skin is changing. I am pretty shocked. It may take a month for my skin to recover, but I have hope it will now.
This is the oil I am using:
I know that it is important that it be expeller-pressed or cold pressed. I don’t know if it’s important that it be unrefined. (If you know, please let me know, too.) I liked that this was organic and non-GMO. Also, FYI, this does not smell like coconuts, which is great. (I do not like that smell—ugh!) If I suddenly have a terrible side effect, I will let you know. However, I expect my hands will be back to normal soon.
Has coconut oil been beneficial to you somehow? I’d love to know! I have started using it for my face, too. How do you use it?
And, by “Your Children” I mean all the children at your church.
There is a good chance you attend church with a sexual predator who is targeting the children who attend church with you. That does not mean you should be suspicious of every man or woman who walks through the door on Sunday morning, but it does mean you should be suspicious of the safety protocol your church has established to protect their youngest congregants. Unless you know for a fact that children’s leaders are diligently upholding a standard of safety, ask some questions and hold your leaders accountable. If they don’t like your questions, get even more suspicious. It’s right for you to care about what is happening within your church. In fact, Galations 6:10 exhorts us to activism on behalf of our church family:
“So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God’s family with you, the believers].”
That is the Amplified Version, and I like it best, but any translation will say the same thing: do good to everyone, but especially your Brothers and Sisters in the Lord! The children in your church count as “everyone,” and as your Brothers and Sisters.
So, what do you ask the leaders? What should they be doing to keep your children safe?
If you are looking for more information, there are many resources available online. Start by going to your church leaders, though, and getting these questions answered. You may find out that one of the biggest hindrances to your children’s safety is a lack of workers. In that case, I hope you will consider becoming a volunteer yourself. Is there any better way to be sure your children are safe?
A friend once told me, “Your stuff is how your kids know they’re in the right house.” I thought that was a pretty great perspective. Stuff has a purpose, and should have a place. It means something. It tells a story.
One of my responsibilities during this season has been the sorting and organizing of stuff, those things my Mother-in-Law treasured and that I believe she would not want lost or forgotten. She did not have the opportunity to do this job herself, and though we did not share a very intimate relationship, I know her. I remember how much she loved certain things, and I can read those secret signs she left behind her.
The care with which she did everything is undeniable—I always admired her attention to detail. Oh, I was plenty intimidated by her perfection, but most of all she inspired me. Walking through her home, without her here to welcome us, was discomforting. Yet, her aesthetic is everywhere. She is expressing herself through everything that fills this house. Not a single knickknack would have just been put on a shelf. Everything was placed where she thought it would create an impression. Her choices are so telling. This note the Saxophone Player wrote so long ago (pictured above), is neatly framed and prominently featured where every guest will see it. When I see it, I think of the joy her saxophone playing son still brings her. I am glad she will get to see him again tomorrow. I am even gladder I get to see him in just two short hours.
It pains my heart to know her hands will never touch these things again, but I hope I am paying tribute to her in how I am trying to care for them. Sifting through boxes of odds and ends, I find a memento from a college dance. In a box in the garage, marked “Donate,” I find a baby picture of my Father-in-Law. In her closet, his high school diploma peaks out from behind a shoe box. Evidence of the disease that torments her, and a reminder I am doing the right thing. Love is patient. It takes time to sort through every scrap of paper, finding the postcard to her granddaughter that never got sent – a love note that might have been lost.
As challenging as it has been to be here, leaving may end up being the most difficult thing of all. I am so grateful to have gotten to be a part of caring for my Mother-in-Law, and helping preserve her treasures. I hope I have honored her and helped extend her touch. I look forward to going to Hannah’s home one day and finding something that tells of this remarkable woman.
The Saxophone Player's Wife 