Exhortation

The Hard Work of Being a Christian Wife

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(I wrote this a long time ago, but never published it. Why? Well, that’s for another blog post. In any case, I’m publishing it today. And, I am publishing it without editing or second-guessing or yielding to my insecurities. So, typos and all, here it is for now. Maybe, one day I’ll come back and edit it and make it better.)

I sat down with a woman years ago. She had discovered that her husband was visiting prostitutes. She knew he had returned to drinking, but it was the prostitutes that had brought her to the point that she finally reached out for help.

That’s pretty typical. Wives will put up with a lot of bad behavior, even helping keep their husband’s secret sin a secret, until finally their husband just goes too far. Things get out of hand. “It was one thing when he would do XYZ, but now he’s not doing ABC and I think he might be doing LMNOP. I don’t know what’s going on. I just can’t take it anymore.“

Why Did She Take It At All?

So, back to my question: why do women put up with their husband’s bad behavior at all? Well, what I have heard from wives over and over is that they believe their only option is to endure: don’t complain, submit, hold your tongue. If they do a good enough job of suffering in silence, God will finally award them with a godly husband by whatever means necessary, including divorce. Mind you, they don’t know that’s what they believe; they would never confess that with their mouth. Yet, it’s true: too many women are believing that God is going to honor their passivity. God couldn’t possibly be expecting them to do something about their husband’s error or wrong inclinations. They believe thy just have to keep praying for God to help them endure.

That’s the first mistake Christian wives make. I don’t fault them, though. Most Christian women have not been spiritually equipped for marriage. I don’t know if that’s because it takes a lot of work to teach spiritual truths, or if it’s because – well, no. That’s why. Discipling humans is hard work, and churches just aren’t doing it. If a woman isn’t blessed to have a Titus 2 Woman in her life, she’s in trouble. Satan will be sure her ears are filled with every manner of secular humanist thought out there, counseling her right out of her marriage and her faith.

Is there a place for long-suffering? Absolutely! This is a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in our life. Just remember that long-suffering is patience, which in this scenario I think we can define as an evidence of our faith in God’s unfinished work. It is a spiritual condition. Instead of walking in patient faith in God, though, wives are white-knuckling their way through a little bit of Hell on Earth.

This is what I think happens to the godly wife full of every good intention towards her husband, whose faith is being worn down with his every transgression: she begins to tolerate his sin. Tolerance is easily mistaken for patience, aka long-suffering. We tolerate his coming home late; we tolerate his ignoring calls or texts; we tolerate his temper or offensive language. We tolerate his making place for boozing and using. We tolerate his unloving attitudes and behaviors. We tolerate his not attending family gatherings, or his skipping church, or his not serving God. Then, before we know it, sin has taken root and established itself in our husband’s life, and consequently in our marriage and family.

What’s A Christian Wife To Do?

Knowing your Christian husband is making wrong choices and not holding him accountable to the Word of God for those choices is the wrong kind of silence. That is not iron sharpening iron. That is not Galatians 6:2. It might make life easier for you in the moment, but in the long run that little transgression (it was just one drink, it was just one look, it was just one time, etc.) will lead him to the brink of spiritual death and your marriage and family to utter destruction.

For the record: a man who confesses Christ is Lord is a Christian. You should not be making allowances for any of the baggage (spiritual, emotional, or otherwise) that he brings with him to your marriage – or picks up after his, “I do.” There is no excuse for sin. Trauma or temperament or lifelong habits may be the cause of his struggle, but they are not to be accepted as a permission slip for sin. Unrepentant sin should have no place in a Christian’s life.

DON’T WRITE THE END OF HIS STORY

Yes, men have free will and they can choose to reject exhortation, accountability, or correction. However, we must not decide the end of his story. Who are we to determine God is done with him?

NO. As long as there is breath, there is hope. So, he’s rebellious to truth. Okay. That’s very bad! However, as a wife we still have a spiritual influence in our husband’s life. We exercise that influence in the spirit, through prayer and standing in the gap. We commit to intercede for him, because that’s what be a godly wife means. Through our tears, we call out to the Father for mercy. In our heartache, we believe by faith every promise of deliverance the Word has given. We cast off fear in the name of Jesus, and put on a garment of praise.

Thank God for God. Thank God for the Holy Spirit and His kind and loving ministry to our broken hearts. Thank God for tiny mustard-size seeds of faith that cannot be denied. Thank God for prophetic words received over the years, but never understood until that moment when we needed them, when the Holy Spirit suddenly opens our eyes to see that not only was He calling us to a deeper faith and great intimacy with Him, but that He had gone ahead, before we ever knew we would marry this man, and had made provision for the loving support and godly friendship we would need in this hard place. Just look around. Reach out to them.

For me, I didn’t think I could possibly take one more emotional hit, yet here was the Holy Spirit teaching me that in my place of greatest pain, it was still not about me. My marriage wasn’t about having a good husband, but about being a good wife. When it was the hardest, if I would yield my will to God’s and allow the Holy Spirit to use me as my husband’s help meet (a spiritual calling on every wife, FYI), He would meet me in that place and give me all I needed.

A Final Exhortations

Make your requests known to God. Think on those things that glorify God. Have faith for the unbelievable and impossible. Being a biblical wife to a spiritually high maintenance man is very hard. At times you feel crushed under the weight of that calling—and, I am convinced it is a calling. The unrepentant husband will tax you heavily, but remember that your prayers for him are for God to be Master, Lord, and Savior. He is willful and continue to reject the truth, but God is on your side. Make your requests known. Stop him, God! Convict him, Holy Spirit! Have mercy on him! Forgive him! Spare him! Save him!

Don’t stop praying. Ask the Holy Spirit how to pray for him! Pray in the Spirit over him. Reject whatsoever things are unlovely and untrue. Banish the lies of Satan from your mind and remember that Fear is a wicked spirit.

Read Philippians 4.

Forgive him. Again. And, again. There is so much spiritual power in forgiveness!

Love him. Be the hands of Christ whenever you touch him. Bless him that curses you. Do good to those that despitefully use you.

Speak truth out loud, because faith comes by hearing—you’re talking to yourself!

If you need prayer, but have no one else to go to, I will pray for you.

Remember, the Holy Spirit is your Comfort and your Help. Depend on Him. He will be there for you. When I had no one to confide in, no one who still had faith or hope for my husband, the Holy Spirit was there. Bless the Lord!

❤️

This is Your Sign

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If you know it’s the right thing to do, that’s your sign.

That conviction in your spirit, the knot in your stomach, finding yourself asking that famous question, “Why am I here?”

That’s your sign!

A young man told me recently, “I was asking God for a sign, and He told me, ‘I gave you a whole book! You know the right thing to do.’”

Don’t be like me, so determined to wait for a sign that God has to knock you out and drag you through the door in order to mercifully spare you from your indecisiveness and insecurity.

Thank God for His mercy, but seriously, don’t be like me. If the end were going to be different, wouldn’t God tell you? Doesn’t He always send encouragement in those times when we are meant to hold on and hold fast? Wouldn’t He give peace in the midst of the storm, if it were a storm we were meant to go through? Wouldn’t He answer that famous question once and for all with a new confirmation from His Word?

“Delayed obedience” is a very costly price to pay for the freedom the Lord already paid for and holds in store for you. Trust Him.

❤

“I Want to Attend a New Testament Church!” | The American Church Today, Part 1

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The last time I made this appeal to God, I was utterly frustrated over a situation in my church. It was so hard for me to understand what was happening. Instead of agreement on the objectives and rejoicing in the accomplishments, there was every manner of resentment, stress, opposition, criticism, competitiveness, deceitfulness, narcissism, and misuse of spiritual authority. I was so confused! Didn’t we all want the same thing? It wasn’t good, and I was not doing well. We say hindsight is 20/20, and I will say the Holy Spirit has been giving me eyes to see now what I struggled to see then. I ultimately had to reconcile myself with the fact that there was nothing I could do that would ever win me the grace of these sovereigns. That was a very painful thing for me, still so in bondage to the fear of man. but there came a point where God intervened. It’s just not healthy to want the acceptance or approval of a person who chooses to hurt and curse you.

When God hardened their heart against me1, they did what was most logical for them to do: expel the vermin! I continue to pray for them, but I remain sad for how the church has fallen away from what we think of when we think of the New Testament church.

Yes, we idealize. We forget that the NT Believers met during a time of severe persecution: the threat of death was real. They saw leader after leader tortured. Roman Christians met in catacombs, surrounded by human remains, to avoid being caught. It was illegal for these new Christians to “go to church,” yet, they we’re desperate to be together. 

Church for us today is different. We aren’t so desperate for fellowship that we would risk torture and death. We don’t know desperate. I get letters from guys inside who long for fellowship, Bible teachers, Christian literature, someone to pray with, a Bible, someone to just talk to about God. Most of us can’t relate. We have the luxury of choice. And, I think that has played a big part in the Christian becoming a consumer, the pastor becoming a service provider, and the church becoming a business. What would 1st century Christians have to say about us?

Listen, if you attend a bad church, you should absolutely leave. You don’t need a sign from God. You know as much as I knew, but fear of man or fear of violating your club’s social norms keep you stuck. You think it’s virtuous to tough it out. “No,” you admit, “I’m not being fed there, I’m not growing from the ministry there, but I listen to sermons online and I worship God on my own.” If you need a sign, that’s it. It doesn’t matter if your club has the best music or potlucks, and all your closest friends are members, too. It doesn’t matter if you serve in a high position, or vowed you’d never go. God has nothing to do with any of that! Friend, if you aren’t leaving church well-fed, you’re being slowly starved. Eventually, you’ll lose your appetite for spiritual cuisine all together. You’ll lap up the slop you’re being served and learn to love it. In fact, you’ll soon not be able to tolerate solid food at all. That’s deadly, folks! Run away from any church with a pastor who fails at his only assignment: Jesus said, “Feed My sheep.“ (John 21:17) 

If we want to be in a New Testament church, we need to be New Testament Christians first. We need to be desperate for the presence of God. We need to be desperate for the preaching of God’s Word. Yes, preaching! That means a word from God, a fresh word from Heaven; an anointed presentation of scripture that convicts of sin and leads to spiritual transformation! It’s not recounting illustrations based on TV shows or movies. It’s not retelling another pastor’s sermon. It’s not standing in front of the sheep talking about yourself and all your good works. Don’t stay in those churches! Don’t make excuses for these men or women who carry a title. That is not God’s anointed, Brother or Sister. God’s anointed is as desperate for God as you are and knows they will give account for every word. They preach with fear and trembling, not jokes and personal anecdotes. Any pastor who isn’t spiritually nourishing Christ’s sheep isn’t a shepherd: he is a human trafficker. He doesn’t care about these who are trusting him with their spiritual care. He uses them! He counts his sheep each week, keeping score.

There’s just too much to say.

Christians are in trouble. They need pastors who don’t care about the numbers. They need pastors who care about them, pastors who seek God until they hear from Heaven. They need pastors who don’t answer to the sheep, but to God—they prove that by preaching what the sheep don’t want to hear, and then hold themselves to the same holy standard. I think Christians also need pastors like Moses, willing to weep before God on behalf of the broken, hurting, struggling, and back-sliding.

Is that too much to ask? No.

Folks, it’s time. Jesus is coming for a Bride without spot or wrinkle, and He isn’t kidding. I often think He delays His coming as much for His wrinkled and spotty Bride as He does for the lost. We really do need to repent for being willing to compromise by staying in a church that is compromised. Then, we need to go. Get out fast! If you’re saying, “But, where will I go?” I say, pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you to that one He has called to pastor—not the one trying to build an empire or have the coolest club in town. Then, visit churches. Seek God. Get in His Word. Listen to nourishing sermons online2. Reach out to other Christians and fellowship. Pray together. Have Communion together. It’s okay for there to be a time of transition, but you do have to take responsibility for your spiritual life.

Anyway, church is a big topic and I have more to say about it, but I’ll stop here. It’s already a monstrosity, so I’ll be surprised if anyone gets to the end. LOL

“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 1:3

❤

1 To be clear, I wasn’t in this alone, but I do not want to speak for others in my family.
2 www.TSCNYC.org is a good place to find a lot of good, spiritual food.

That Is Not A Cat

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If you were trying to teach someone to identify a cat, how would you do it?

Would you show them pictures of rabbits and aligators and dogs and whales and zebras and every other animal in creation and then tell them, “That is not a cat”?

or

Would you show them pictures of Maine Coons and Abyssianians and Himilayans and Manx and Persians and Russian Blues and Siamese and tell them, “This is a cat”?

The answer’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? If you want to teach someone to recognize a cat, you show them pictures of cats. You might give them a cat to touch, or take them someplace where they could watch cats. You might even flick on a video about cats for them to see, or give them a book about cats to read. Toy cats would help, too! The point is, to learn to recognize a cat, you study the real thing.

It’s the same with anything we are trying to learn. We don’t learn to play the saxophone, by learnig to play the trombone. We don’t learn to cook, by ordering take-away. We don’t learn the types of flowers in our garden, by studying what isn’t a flower.

When we study the authentic item, we recognize the inauthentic easily. Bank tellers now have high tech means for testing counterfeit money, but they used to learn to recognize the coutnerfeit by studying the authentic. They learned everything there was to learn about real money, so that the counterfeit would stand out a mile away.

THIS IS A CAT

We live in a time when false prophets, false religions, false doctrines, and false teachers are rampant. They have always been around, but their numbers are multiplying. Gaining an audience is easier than ever; so is earning a profit. And, just as God raises up His true servants, so does Satan. The Devil is very good at promoting his own, but he is even better at deceiving the seeker. Why, he’s been doing that since the Garden! Adam and Eve walked with God, yet they were deceived by that lying serpent.

Well, the protection we need from being deceived isn’t going to be found by acquainting ourselves with these lies and liars. There are videos on YouTube, blog posts everywhere, and articles and books enough to fill a library that are full of these false religions and false prophets and false teachers. And, there are just as many that tear them apart piece by piece, telling you how they are each wrong—according to whomever is doing the telling. One video title I just saw was something to the effect of “Different Kinds of Witchcraft Christians Need to Know!” No, thank you! I don’t need to know about witchcraft. I need to know more about Jesus!

If we claim to be Christ followers, than knowing Him more should be a pleasure. How do we get to know Him? By reading His Word. We need to know what the Bible says. We need to study the Word of God, so that when someone makes a false claim we’ll know immediately to turn a deaf ear to them. We have to become that kind of people, especially in the day in which we live. Studying the counterfeit won’t help us recognize the authentic. It is knowing God’s Word that will equip us.

Bear in mind: we don’t have to become biblical scholars. We don’t need to dissect the cat and discover what a cat liver looks like compared to a dog liver. However, we do have to open the book. Being in the Word daily—throughout the day—will cause it to become ingrained in us.

Psalm 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Could it be more clear? If you want to stay in the light of truth, if you do not want to stumble on this path you’re walking, know God’s Word.

❤

I Think About Saul A Lot

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Then the Lord said to Samuel, “I am sorry that I ever made Saul king, for he has again refused to obey Me.” Samuel was so deeply moved when he heard what God was saying, that he cried to the Lord all night. (1 Samuel 15:10-11)

I wonder so much about why God condescended to the Isralites and allowed them a king. I wonder how God could say to Samuel that He regretted appointing Saul. Some might ask, “Didn’t God know Saul would turn away? How can He act like this was unexpected?” These are valid questions. I don’t know the answers, but I think about it and wonder.

And, I wonder at Samuel’s grief. After hearing God’s regret, he cries out to God all night long. What is he crying out? I don’t know. Why is he so troubled by this?

The Bible says that in the morning Samuel went to Saul. Saul is in high spirits and he announces to Samuel that he has done as God has told him. To celebrate his achievement, he has already erected a monument to himself on Mount Carmel!

Now, God’s instructions to Saul were to completely destroy the Amelekites, a judgment for thier mistreatment of the children of Israel. Samuel told Saul that God said nothing was to survive. Every one and every thing was to be destroyed. However, Saul disobeyed God. He and his men kept whatever appealed to them—the best of the livestock, in particular. So, when Saul brags to Samuel that he did all God had required, Samuel says, “Oh, really? So, why do I hear all these bleating sheep and lowing oxen?” (See verse 14.) This is Saul’s reply:

“It’s true that the army spared the best of the sheep and oxen,” Saul admitted, “but they are going to sacrifice them to the Lord your God; and we have destroyed everything else.” (1 Samuel 15:15)

I don’t know about you, but that voice, that reply, sounds very familiar! It’s this idea that if we obey some of what God tells us, it’s good enough. And, if we can find any way at all to justify the part that was actually disobedience, we think God won’t notice or won’t mind. It’s like Adam and Eve explaining to God they were just covering up their nakedness. “See? We’re being good. Right, God? We didn’t want to be naked.” They hoped He wouldn’t notice the pile of apple* cores. Listen to Saul:

 “But I have obeyed the Lord,” Saul insisted. “I did what He told me to; and I brought King Agag but killed everyone else. And it was only when my troops demanded it that I let them keep the best of the sheep and oxen and loot to sacrifice to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 15:20-21)

We humans don’t change. Not from Adam to Saul, and not from Saul to Caroline. I mean, I get it. God’s expectation of absolute obedience feels a little intense. He’s expecting an awful lot of us! We are just dust, after all. Right?

No. God does not see us that way. He did not send Christ Jesus to die for dust. He did not choose a people, the people of Israel, to carry faith in Adonai into this world, because we are mere dust-lings. Do not forget that His divine breath of life animated that first man and first woman. He created us in His image. That He used dust, well, He made the dust! Of course, He did know we would fall. He knew we would fail. This is why He did send His only begotten Son, because He knew we would need the abundant grace and mercy that only can be found at the foot of the Cross. We are a dusty flesh enveloped around the eternal, a spirit that will abide forever. A flesh that will be tranformed in the twinkling of an eye into a glorified body!

Let’s get back to Saul. In the very next section, Samuel tells Saul that his offerings and sacrifices are nothing compared to his obedience. Can you imagine? He speaks of that disobedient heart in a way that makes an honest person shudder.

“For rebellion is as bad as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as bad as worshiping idols. And now because you have rejected the word of Jehovah, He has rejected you from being king.” (Verse 23)

Saul is devastated by this. He pleads and begs, but Samuel tells him it is too late. He lost it all, because of disobedience to a clear instruction from God. He tried to blame his men. He tried to say he did it for God Himself to be honored. God cannot be deceived or manipulated.

So, I think about Saul—his bloodlust for David; his calling forth the ghost of Samuel; his son, Jonathan; his spiritual demise—so much to think about Saul. So much to learn from his life. I am sad for how many Sauls I know.

If you are struggling to obey some instruction from the Lord—maybe, you rejected His word from the beginning; maybe, you think a partial obedience should be adequate; maybe, you say you’ll obey once this or that happens—it doesn’t matter what reason you may have, or what excuse you can conjure. Disobedience is rebellion against God. That stubborn will to have your way is a sin. You might take offense at being compared to a practioner of witchcraft or worshipper of idols, but the Word of God says it. Not me. If we don’t come into agreement with the Lord, my dear friend, we will lose that divine purpose He has given us. Does that mean a ministry calling, a talent that would bring you before world leaders, an opportunity to glorify God, the blessing of raising our family, our eternity in Heaven? I don’t know what divine purpose God has given you, but I know that it is worth much more than the cost of humbling yourself and repenting, and then obeying God without delay.

Please, turn away from disobedience. That is my sincere hope and prayer for you today.

❤

*No, we don’t know if the fruit was an apple. It’s just a proxy.
This post is for Blogtober Day 13: Politics.

Quote to Consider

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“We need women, and men, too, who would rather be morally right than socially correct.”  Peter Marshall (1902-1949)

I saw this quote on a social media website a couple of weeks ago, and it struck as the perfect words for this season of our lives. No matter where we live in the world, we are witnessing the results of a world that has vanquished morality based on truth and justice, and embraced a politically motivated notion of right and wrong. There is no virtue in standing for righteousness or goodness anymore. The highest priority is being popular. How many likes do I have? How many people are following me? As a Christian, this is all wrong! I am not to be concerned about my reputation or social position, but Christ’s. His reputation is what should matter to me. Why do I seek acceptance from anyone? They do not determine my value. Christ judged me worthy when He gave His life for mine. Now, I should only be concerned with living my life for Him.

How did we get this so wrong?

❤

Blogtober | Day 5 Post | Theme: Quotes to Consider

Race to the Finish

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Have we made God into an image that suits us? Have we have brought Him down to our level, and made Him someone we can understand? Someone whose thoughts and ways are like our thoughts and ways?

I don’t think we aren’t seeking God, but I think we’re impatient with Him. Instead of being willing to wait for His answer or for His will to manifest, we move forward based only on our assumption that our happiness, good intentions, and/or success matter. Without waiting on Him, we step out in what feels like faith, but is more like wishful thinking. Our ways have become what we call His ways. Whatever seems right to us. We’ve become the judge, which means we have placed our seat on His throne.

Consequently, we fall into compromise. We embrace false doctrine and reject truth outright. We have to, because our lives no longer line-up with His Word. Therefore, we must reinterpret His Word. It’s a dance. We juggle the truth and play games with it. As long as we believe Jesus is Savior, we’re all set. We have given ourselves permission to be as carnal a Christian as we want. Of course, we don’t say that out loud, but our lives are the proof. How we live does not reflect a respect for God, or a fear of the consequences of disobedience.

You see, the god we have created not only receives us as we are, but never require we change. We’ve devised a religion that requires no faith, no consecration, and no death. We haven’t forgotten about righteousness, but we’ve redefined it.

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” (Romans 13:14)

The God of the Old Testament has not changed, and He never will. He required great things of those Saints of old, yet we expect Him to be satisfied with our measly “sacrifices” today. We give Him our “extra” time. We yawn and watch the clock. We decide how much we serve according to what we’re already doing, not according to how much there is to be done. We give more time to entertainment, than we do to knowing Him. There is more Eastern idolatry on Christian’s Facebook pages, than the Word of God. What’s that about, folks? We feast on witchcraft, violence, perversion, and anti-Christ indoctrination under the the label of entertainment. We laugh at things that should make us jump up and run out of the room. Why do we want to be a part of glorifying that which nailed our Savior to the Cross?

“Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.”
(1 Peter 2:24)

Friends, the days are getting short. Christ is coming soon. That is not an inevitability that we just wait to arrive. I hear some say, “Why think about it? Why preach about it? It’s going to happen anyway.” If that is how we think, we are missing the point. Paul described this Christian life as a race to finish (2 Timothy 4:7). What athlete enters a race unprepared to finish? He doesn’t amble around aimlessly, straying off course and unconcerned about whether or not he reaches the end. He knows that finishing isn’t inevitable, but a byproduct of running the course to its end. Well, Eternity is a deadline we are supposed to prepare for, and daily be working towards achieving. We know we’ll be with Jesus, but are we running the course He set before us? That’s a willful choice we have to make everyday. We can’t run just any race and say it counts.

So, what’s a sincere Believer to do? What we should be doing every day: repenting and asking for the Holy Spirit to help us; reading God’s Word and praying. Simple. Simple obedience. We must stay the course He set before us, and pursue righteousness as we have been called to do—picking ourselves up as many times as needed along the way, staying in fellowship with the Body of Christ, and equipping ourselves daily. An end is coming, sooner than later. Let’s meet at the Finish Line.

God bless you today.
❤