I have never watched this video, until today. It was made spontaneously—in case my “wardrobe and make-up” don’t give that fact away—yet, the truth is solid and I think it might be a blessing. So, I’m going to share it. I pray it will encourage someone who may be struggling in their marriage right now. ❤
If you’re interested in learning more about Doug’s and my marriage, here is a link to a shared testimony we wrote together in 2015. CLICK
I was getting ready to get ready for bed when I realized I was wearing a scarf around my neck.
It’s 17 April 2025, and it’s still cold in New England. That’s one reason I like living here. There’s a chance of snow until June. We have blanket throws on our couch almost all year long.
Yet, I don’t usually wear a double-wrapped muffler over my head and around my neck. I thought it might be a funny picture.
I guess you had to be there.
❤️
Just a bit of fiction for friends. I started it three years ago. It’s just been fading away in my dark and dusty drafts file. Might as well share it along with all the other paragraphs I’ve posted tonight.
It wasn’t quite the last parking spot in the lot, but it was far enough away to guarantee Elmer would not just be late, but very late. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, grabbed the pile of paper on the passenger’s seat, and launched himself from his car. When he’d passed about 50 rows of compact cars and last century sedans, he checked his watch. It was never going to happen.
Weaving through campus, he decided to cross the quad and jumped over the low hedges bordering the bookstore. Who am I right now? He tried to send a telepathic message to Benz to start the warm-ups. Pole, pole, POLE! He veered left and barely avoided a pigeon pecking at the remainders of someone’s lunch. Why do people do that? He checked the time as he passed the clock tower. This was not good.
As he passed the Math & Science buildings, he transitioned to a fast walk and tried to regain some composure. Oh, Benz, please start the warm-ups! At least he could see his building now. Someone called to him. He turned to look, to make sure it wasn’t a student. Nope. Just Mark from last semester. Or, was his name Mike? He shot a wave and kept up his pace.
Then, he saw the theatre building. He slowed down. What day is it? The bay doors were open, and he automatically started scanning the broad open space, peering deep inside the darkness of the empty theatre. A truck that had been idling before him churned into gear and pulled away. He had barely even been moving, but now he stopped completely. He brushed his accidental bangs from his forehead and dropped half the stack of papers he had been gripping all the way across campus. He fell to his knees, hastily gathered the sheets together, and for once was glad it wasn’t a windy day.
Getting back to his feet he looked across the small road that divided him from his building. And, the theatre. Oh—she was there now. He could see her rising from the auditorium to the stage, her head buried in a clipboard. She flipped through the pages and he couldn’t stop himself from watching her cross upstage to a tall stool that was always stationed by the bay door.
She didn’t sit on the stool, though. She leaned against the wall, one sneakered foot pushing against it. A car honked. He suddenly realized he was standing in the middle of the road. What are you doing, El?
He really had to knock this off.
The Best Kind © 2022, Caroline J.M. Gregan
A musician plays their instrument to warm-up to play their instrument. I do that, too. I write to warm-up to write. So, here’s a little traditional-style blogging for you. I don’t know what you can expect, but I have a lot to say. Get a cup of tea. I better get one, too.
Today is March 12th.
It’s a wonderful day here, blustery and cool. Over recent weeks we’ve developed a habit of having wonderful conversation with out daughter over coffee. She comes downstairs for her afternoon break, and if we’re all here we will sit together and chat. It’s an incredible gift to have a daughter who wants to talk to us, and whom we want to talk to, too. The differences in our ages and stages is clear, but she’s made Christ her Lord and King and has pursued Him with earnestness. So, she has a lot of credibility. There are things we can learn from her, and we still have things she can learn from us—thank God. Like everything in life, I know this opportunity to have these relaxed conversations will pass one day. That’s just life. However, we are treasuring them now; enjoying every minute.
Doug took the grandchildren to run errands and then to the park. That’s how I landed here. No other voices in the air, so I can hear the voices in my head. Well, it’s primarily my voice, but the Enemy is also shouting in one ear. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit is always there, too. His voice is that still, small voice Satan always tries to drown out.
As I’ve been sitting here, I have also been clearing out some clutter. I have almost 200 drafts that were started and abandoned for one reason or another. I’m trying to figure out that reason. Are they worth finishing? So far, I’ve just been deleting. Too much fluff and stuff. Too many words. I’ve never been a fan of the superfluous.
That last paragraph rhymes.
It’s July 11th now. We’re in the middle of a heat wave. I’m in the middle of recovering from a sickness. Hit me like a ton of bricks five weeks ago. I actually hope I’m further along than the middle, but VNA says they’re with me deep into August. So, this feels like the middle.
I’ve written a lot about this experience, but I really don’t want to talk about it. And, I don’t think anyone wants to hear or read about it. I got sick. I’m getting better. God is getting me through. End of story. I mean, for me it’s been a pretty big deal, but that’s only because I’ve enjoyed a lot of wellness in life. That’s cause for praise. The fact that there were things that I would define as “miserable” is really just proof that I’ve had a very comfortable life. I did feel like I was in prison, but I only had to think about what prison was really like to shake myself out of that delusion. Often, I’d imagine what it would be like to be so sick in Venezuela or as a homeless person in California.
It was a long stay: just enough time to learn the limits of my capacity for dirty hair and hospital coffee.
❤️
November 1, 2024
Today was Monday. I don’t care what you say, I don’t care what the calendar says. Today was Monday at our house.
The morning had been occupied with work and such, so that when it was time for Doug to go to the jail we hadn’t had any time together. That made it worse than a Monday.
After spending yesterday serving my turn at jury duty, I was meditating on how much work I had to do to make up for the lost day, how far my home is from being ready for Thanksgiving, how my wrists were going to chop and mix everything they had to chop and mix for the Big Dinner, and if I would ever finish my walls – that is, getting my collection of art and family photos in their most esthetically pleasing spots.
I don’t know if I’ve blogged about my wrists. Just to quickly fill you in, I fell in August and broke my left wrist and nearly broke the right. God’s merciful protection, 100%. Some days, they feel pretty good, or at least the right feels good. Then, some days, like on Mondays, they both hurt so much I just want to wrap them in my heating pad and feel sorry for myself.
Anyway, in the one-minute chat we had before he walked out the door, Doug and I both commiserated with each other about this cloud of gloom hanging over us. We really just want to dig a cave and hide sometimes. Ever feel that way? Or, fly kites everyday for the rest of our lives.
After he was on his way to jail, I made my way to the office and tried to think about how I could possibly finish this project (that I had started months ago) with two wrists which just didn’t want to work. And, that’s when Doug texted me. It was bad news. Very bad news. Unbelievably bad news. It was just what we needed to push us over the edge. We quickly got on the phone with each other and he started making some suggestions, apologizing for the situation—which was completely out of his control—and just feeling like the worst.
Well, I started to think about what he was saying, and I guess there was just enough Holy Spirit presence that I knew what he was saying and what I was thinking were trash garbage lies from Hell. I mean, the Holy Spirit took over and truth started pouring from my lips and faith started rising up and I realized that this horrible, terrible, very bad news was exactly what we needed. Honestly, it was like God was calling our bluff. It became really clear that our only solution was to trust God, and that’s the way we liked it.
Life just isn’t easy all the time, you know? It’s really just a matter of recognizing that your “not easy” is just what you can bear if you will let God speak truth into your circumstance and let faith in His proven love and care rise up once again. He knows us best.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.
❤
December 29, 3024
Hi, Everyone.
I’m playing with my blog today, and am going to post some things that have been forgotten or abandoned this year. I’ve given up on writing perfect things and editing myself to death, because I really just don’t have the time. Every minute I don’t work is a minute I’m going to have to work harder to make up for not working, so pseudo-leisure activities come with a price: I will never catch-up.
But, I have given myself the past few days and a few more hours today to not work on NBF, give my body a rest, and work on this blog. So, there may be a flood of garbage coming your way. Maybe, a rhinestone mixed in that you’ll need have to wade through gunk to find. You can decide if it’s worth it. If there’s a sentence or paragraph here and there that I like, a testimony or truth worth sharing, it’s going up.
❤️
The last day of Autumn was a perfect transition into Winter. It was the kind of snow day I dream of all year long. The sky was overcast, layers of different shades of grey. There wasn’t a patch of blue to be found. Just a fluffy, cozy comforter laid over the Earth as far as your eye could see. It was warm enough to snow, and just cold enough to keep it snow. No chilling winds to guard against; no slushy messes to slide through.
It was a good day.
❤️
Well, here’s another post I didn’t have the courage to post. I wrote this on the 1st Anniversary of the Historian going away. I don’t talk to my sister in Heaven, but on that day I just wanted to pretend she wasn’t really gone.
Today happens to be the second anniversary of her leaving, so maybe it’s a good day to post this—unfinished. Seems appropriate.
Well, I’m already crying, before I even get to my laptop. It was a year ago today (it’s still October 8th for me) that I last saw your smiling face. Any idea when we might see you, again? Are there any indications there? I know you can’t tell me, but I’m curious. There must have been some commotion when people heard about Israel. Oh, I wish we could talk about that. Honestly, I had such an urge to just go to Israel and do anything I could to help and serve. If only I really was a Jewish grandmother. I have recently been learning about Golda Meir and I am disappointed by her being a secular Jew with questionable morals, but what an incredible person. Served the cause of Israel for almost her entire life. Anyway, the situation there is very upsetting. I know we would have been on the phone with each other in the middle of that night.
Since it’s been quite awhile since we last spoke, I thought I’d share a little update. It has really been an incredible 12 months. I can’t believe you missed it. So, should I start now and go back in time, or vice-versa? I guess I’ll try to start in the past and move forward. There’s a lot I’ll probably skip, though. In fact, let’s skip ahead to the kids acting in their first play.
They were amazing! The whole play was wonderful. Doug wrote an original song for it and composed the background music.. It was so beautiful. The kids were all wonderful and it was absolutely the best thing I got to do in 2022. If I could, I would do nothing but make theatre with children. Teach them about Jesus, and make theatre. I don’t think I’m great with kids, but I do love them a lot. That’s why I eventually gave my notice, because I knew I didn’t have the gentleness children need. Plus, I must look like a monster to them. It’s one thing to be fat and short, but fat and tall is terrifying. And, then I have this face that defaults to dead stare, because there’s always 501 concerns swimming in my brain. I really did believe the program was doing so well that I could help the next person in line, but…oh, well.
To step back to December for a minute, I did have another bout with the new cold in town. I will spare you the details, but I was out for three weeks. Pure will power dragged me out of bed for the New Year’s Day service.
It was on News Year’s Day I finally understood Doug’s vision for Wayfarers’ Lodge. My eyes opened and I just knew it was going to happen this year. Of course, what it ended up being was not what I thought I understood it to be, which is kind of bizarre. Actually, it’s just God. If He had shown me with the shadows and fog, I’d have balked. Oh, man. The whole Wayfarers’ journey. I don’t know if I can really give that the time and attention it deserves. I mean, that journey was quite twisty-turney.
Just want to insert here that the Holy Spirit, in February, showed me that June and September would both be significant months. Now, what I thought would happen in June did happen, but also something very much more than expected. What I thought would happen in September was right on—that was the beginning of WL. Of course, I didn’t know Wayfarers’ was going to be a church, and whatever I did think it would be up until early August I stopped believing would begin in September. Does this make sense? I mean, it does make sense, but I know I’m not communicating it very well. I am not a very good communicator, as you know.
So, let’s jump ahead to March. Just as the Holy Spirit had shown me, this was a month of shock and horror. What I saw were five blueprints. February and March were just confusing. Darkness, Chaos. April and May looked like a train. And, June was a building, which I first thought meant a building, but realized it meant completion, like the building is completed.
June is also when we drove across country. Incredible experience. There were some really weird things going on with me and Doug that God was very displeased about, and He made that clear to us in those first days. It was a really interesting month. Such a time of correction. Revelation. Surrender. God is doing all this stuff—speaking prophetically to Doug, teaching us about faith, revealing our lack of faith, answering prayer—and, through it all is this ongoing conversation about Wayfarers’. Oh, my goodness!
So, July and August were
One of my purposes for Blogtober 2024 has been to go through my drafts file and publish posts that are just sitting there ignored. Incomplete.
So, here’s one I wrote two years ago on June 7. I briefly published it, but then took it down. It was just a thought that I spit out into my phone and threw onto the draft pile of my blog. I have added a little, since recent experiences in my life brought fresh perspective.
SEEING CHRIST
We don’t always recognize Christ in our circumstances, but if Christ lives in us, He is definitely with us in every case—in our sorrow, pain, unrest, and turmoil. He is with us in our illness, our brokenness, our loneliness, and our desert places.
No, He isn’t the source, and He hasn’t caused that circumstance. He isn’t there to watch and see how we handle this horrible situation— we are not lab rats. He is with us in our trouble, because He promised to never leave us!
For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5a
Our faith challenge is to find Him, wave away the smoke (I call that worship), and keep our focus on Him and not our circumstances.
If we will keep our eyes on Him and follow Him closely (I call that repenting, obeying, and believing), He will not only keep us, but lead us to safety, wholeness, peace, and rest. We will walk in His favor in spite of feeling His hand must have been lifted from us, because we are facing such a time of suffering.
One day, I may write about the past four months and the moments when I was able to recognize Christ with me, but right now I just want to encourage you. I want you to know that in whatever situation you find yourself, Christ is there. And He is not there to be an observer, as I mentioned before, but to walk with you through this hardship.
If you call out to Him and are willing to trust Him to help you through, you will find yourself walking closer to Him than ever before, and truly knowing Him as Friend.
There is no formula here, OK? I’m not gonna give you three steps or five declarations. Just call out for help. Put yourself in remembrance of God’s Word. Believe with all your heart that His Word is true. It is, dear friend. It really is true. Today may not be the day you will understand everything that is happening, but you can still know that He is with you. Please, reach out to Jesus.
❤️
The Saxophone Player's Wife 