“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, KJV)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.”
(Proverbs 15:1, TLB)
“A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath,
But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.”
(Proverbs 15:1, Amp.)
“A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.” (Proverbs 15:1, MSG)
I would like to introduce you to my Mother.
There’s much I can say about Rev. Stella Lucille Mosqueda, but I will just share the quality I respected most: my Mother was a woman who feared the Lord.
From the time she was a young child, her one desire was to serve Him. She battled the same demons we all face today, but she would let nothing hinder her from obeying Him and doing His will. Nothing. Not poverty, not pride, not fear, not grief, not sickness, not anything.
My Mother’s last year on earth was very difficult. Lots of health challenges, with many visits to doctors and emergency room; several stays in hospitals and rehabs. One day, during a rehab visit in March 2012, we started to talk about spiritual things. I realized our conversation was something special, so I turned on my camera and began recording. The video below is a portion of that particular conversation.
As the video begins, I have just asked my Mother about knowing God’s will.
POST SCRIPT
Knowing God’s will is one of the things Christians desire most, but have the hardest time discerning, because we are not willing to do the work of seeking Him and waiting at His feet until He answers. We often get impatient or allow fear to rule us. We get up and leave before He can answer.
Of course, sometimes we get an answer, but we don’t like what He has to say. We pretend we didn’t hear Him, or we find a way to justify doing what we really want. Then, our life gets so complicated and hard and frustrating that we start to ask questions like, “Why did God let that happen? Why did He do that to me?” Stepping outside of God’s will is never going to go well for us, but if we are willing to wait on Him and obey when He answers, we will walk in His peace and blessing. That is a very good place to be, my friends!
Remember: God’s will is not a mystery or a game. He does not hide it from us. However, if we are not walking in obedience now—to what He has already told us to do—why would He tell us more? We’ve already rejected His will through our disobedience.
Yet, God still desires that we know His will, because He still desires that we do it! If you have been seeking God for His will, but feel like He isn’t speaking to you, I encourage you to invite the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Repent, and put your spiritual house is order.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, KJV)
Wanting God’s will means being willing to follow Him.
Following Him means being willing to know Him.
Knowing Him means being willing to give Him time.
What does that mean? It means giving our time to the reading and study of His Word, and giving our time to our secret prayer closet. If we cannot give God our time, we should not expect Him to give us His will.
Friends, I pray the Lord bless and keep you, and I pray you will all know the peace that comes from being in His will. Much love!
This is a post from my daughter.
I have always been pro-life, let’s get that out of the way. I’m 12 weeks pregnant, one week away from being out of my first trimester. This week, my baby can open and close their fists,…
Source: Carrying life made me pro-life.
I answered this question 15 years ago, almost to the day. My answer surprised me, and changed my life.
Over the years, this question has become a self-examination I like to take again from time to time. It’s become a way for me to just take inventory of my life, and confront places of spiritual neglect, unbelief, and disobedience.
Bear in mind, you can’t think about, or contemplate, your answer. You have to say the first thing that comes to mind.
And, you have to say it out loud. That’s absolutely essential.
Blurt it out!
You don’t have be very loud, but loud enough for your brain to hear you. Trust me on this.
OK. Here we go. Are you ready? If you want to share your answer, please do in a comment. However, I’ll understand if you want to keep it private. As this question has a way of revealing the deep things of the heart, I like to keep my answers private until I’ve had a chance to process what they mean.
Here is a pretty picture to cleanse your mental palate.
Remember: first thing that comes to mind.
Bad things happen.
People make mistakes. Say the wrong thing. Do the wrong thing. React and act out. It just happens. No one is always perfectly behaved, and sometimes our actions hurt other people.
When our actions hurt others, and there is a breech in relationship, repairing that breech and restoring the relationship need to be a top priority. One of the first steps we should take is issuing an apology.
Simple enough, right? We go to the offended party, admit our wrong doing, acknowledge the hurt we have caused, and say we are sorry.
If we are Jesus people, and our offense was sinful, we must also repent to the Lord. That is an absolute must, as our sinfulness also created a breech between us and God.
Still sounds easy, yes?
Well, not always. Repentance is pretty easy, but apologizing right can be hard.
DO YOU KNOW SELFISH SAM?
Sometimes, we are in relationships with people like Selfish Sam. Selfish Sam isn’t a bad guy. At least, he says he wants to be good. Yet, he isn’t really ready or willing or able to either recognize his wrong doing, or acknowledge how his offense has hurt another person’s feelings. People like Selfish Sam seem to think they inhabit a bubble, where their selfish or thoughtless actions only touch themselves.
Or, maybe they think everyone else is made of stone, with no feelings at all.
I recently witnessed an apology from someone a lot like Selfish Sam, and it spurred this post. His apology sounded a little like this: “I’m sorry, but there’s only so much I can take of her staring out a window crying. How am I supposed to put up with that?”
Yeah, I was horrified, too.
He went on to to say, “I always apologize. And, I always have a reason why I’m angry, and why I do the things I do.”
Did I mention how self-righteous he was about having an excuse for his wicked behavior? It was painful to watch this display of selfishness and arrogance, without saying something I might regret.
My tongue has almost recovered.
SAYING SORRY
“How else am I supposed to react, when he does that?”
“I know I am wrong, but he’s wrong, too!”
“I’m sorry, but she just makes me so mad!”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault.”
“I can’t help myself.”
When I hear these kinds of apologies, I know I’m listening to someone who still doesn’t get it. They are still not taking responsibility for their own behavior, and until we can own that, we aren’t apologizing well. We are acting like immature babies.
This is what an apology isn’t:
It is going to take time for an immature person to understand that their actions aren’t all about them. Some folks lack empathy, and really cannot see how their behavior impacts others.
In those cases, if a person is really sorry, give them credit for that. It’s an important step. They may not understand the depth of hurt they have caused someone else, but that’s our opportunity to help them grow into more mature and caring people (Proverbs 27:17).
Note to Remember: our goal should be restoration in any relationship that has suffered a breech. That is not always possible, or profitable, but when it is, it is a responsibility of both parties. Always be willing to do your part.
A LITTLE EMPATHY GOES A LONG WAY
Sympathy is important. It shows we care that something bad has happened to someone; and it definitely has its place. However, not when we are the offender. The last thing offended an party wants is our pity. The last thing they need is for us to feel sorry for them. They want us to understand the seriousness of what we have done, and do something to show it won’t happen again.
The best way to do that is through empathy.
Empathy is identifying with another person’s feelings. It takes a measure of selflessness to do that, because we have to let our guard down. We have to be willing to suspend our preconceived notions and let go of our own perceptions. We have to be willing to accept that the other person’s point of view is 100% valid.
There may be some errors in their understanding of what happened, and they may be reacting in a bigger way than they should, but an apology is not the time to judge whether or not a person’s reaction is immature or if their point of view and how they feel is 100% fair or right. Explain yourself, correct the facts. In a relationship, there will be time to work those things out.
Saying we are sorry for what we did wrong is good, but understanding how the other person feels—as if the offense had happened to us, but instead of being us, we are them—is so important. This is not easy to do, but it helps us take responsibility for what we have done, and works to not only preserve our relationship, but strengthens the bond we share with the person we have done wrong.
The mark of a good apology is one that convinces the wounded party that their feelings are more important than the feelings of the offender. A good apology acknowledges that the other person was hurt, taken for granted, misused, or ignored.
Let me give you an example…
A brother steals his little sister’s favorite doll and uses it to play astronaut. He straps the doll to a rocket and fires it up. The doll falls back to earth in the neighborhood pond. She is lost forever, and the sister believes her doll has suffered a terrible death, and that she has forever lost her best friend.
Being older and wiser, the brother knows dolls do not die. He also knows that his sister will have many best friends in life, and a doll cannot really be a best friend anyway. His temptation is to discount her emotional reaction, because he recognizes it is immature and incorrect. He apologizes for taking the doll without permission and losing the doll in the pond, but he doesn’t acknowledge that his selfishness and poor judgment have caused her tremendous heartache. He just sees her doll as something that be easily replaced. Why should she be so upset?
This is a lack of empathy. When we are saying to ourselves, or others, that they shouldn’t be so upset, that it wasn’t that bad, or they’re overreacting, we are showing a lack of empathy. The brother doesn’t empathize with his sister’s feelings. He is judging her feelings as invalid, and therefore not putting her feelings first. From his point of view, it was just an inexpensive toy. He does not acknowledge the impact of his actions on her personally. Consequently, he has not gotten to know his sister better, he has not repaired the breech in their relationship, he has not helped restore trust, and has he not learned to be more sensitive to the feelings of others.
What has he learned? Not to launch his rockets near the pond.
ARE YOU THE OFFENDED, OR THE OFFENDER?
In such cases, where a nominal apology has been given, it will seem that all is back to normal. After all, the offender apologized, and the offended has forgiven.
Yet, under the surface there is still an unsettled feeling, and try though they might, the offended is finding it hard to trust the offender, again. The breech was not repaired. The relationship has been left vulnerable. The next offense, no matter how minor, will bring more destructive. The breech will widen, and it will be harder and harder for that relationship to survive—especially as a healthy relationship.
This is why it is so important for us to learn to apologize in a meaningful and effective way, to be sure we have shown our sincere concern for the other’s feelings. We can only do that through an honest expression of empathy.
You may be reading this is and saying to yourself, “This is ridiculous! I don’t need someone to empathize with me, or understand my feelings. People need to get over it!”
That might work for you, but it might not work for the person you’ve hurt, offended, misused, or taken for granted.
Ask yourself this: do you end up losing more relationships than you keep? Do you find yourself often blaming others for failing you, or forcing you out of their life? I encourage you to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart. It may be that you are putting your own feelings before the feelings of others, and never realized it. It may not be intentional, but a reaction to your own unresolved heartache and mistreatment. The Holy Spirit can heal that hurt, if we will trust Him with it.
On the other hand…are you reading this and thinking about a wrong apology you have received, or a wrong doing you have suffered? Are your trying to cope with hurt feelings that just don’t seem to heal? Does it seem that you are the only one who can recognize the breech in a relationship? Do you feel resentment or anger or heartache over a long-awaited apology that still hasn’t arrived?
I want to urge you to go to consider Matthew 5:9, where the Lord calls us to be peacemakers. Partner that passage with Matthew 18:15-17, which instructs the one who is offended to go to the offender. Your temptation may be to believe the person who owes you an apology also has the responsibility to come to you, but the Bible shows us it works both ways. If you are sitting on an offense, you have an obligation to tell the person. How can it be right to allow that breech to sit unattended, growing wider by the day? Is that being a peacemaker?
Whether it is an unacknowledged offense, or an apology that just didn’t hit the spot, so to speak, go to your brother or sister. Don’t hesitate! “Hey, I know you apologized, but I’m still struggling with this. My feelings were really hurt, and it doesn’t seem like you even care about me.” If they’re clueless, clue them in: “You probably don’t realize it, but when you did/said that, it really made me feel bad.” As I mentioned above, our goal should be restoration in any relationship that has suffered a breech—whether we are responsible for the breech, to not.
Folks, let’s not hold grudges, or give place in our heart to bitterness. Let’s give people a chance to do the right thing. And, let’s do it ourselves. Be quick to acknowledge hurt we have caused, and quick to show empathy and offer sincere apologies. This will absolutely require being willing to take down some walls, or at least open some doors, to share with the other our hurt, or to acknowledge our failure. In either case, it is ultimately pride that will hinder such intimacy.
Yet, such intimacy can bring abundant rewards. While some relationships will not survive an offense, I believe that if we repair these breeches with healthy apologies and forgiveness, a relationship can prosper in spite of even numerous offenses. Even in a very dark, a place that has perhaps been dormant for years, the light of truth can bring forth new life. And, I believe this because it is my testimony. It is my own story.
I hope and pray you will find something here that ministers to you.
God bless you all!
Hey, married people.
Just a reminder: you are one in the spirit. What you do impacts each other, which is why you are allowed/expected/obligated to speak up and act out on behalf of one another’s life, health, spirituality, well-being, etc.
If you don’t want to be accountable to anyone, or for anyone, move into a cave and good luck to you. If you want to be happily married, hold each other accountable. Help each other make good decisions. Tell each other the choices that you think are wrong, and help each other make better ones.
Pray for each other like your life depends on it, because it does.
If he or she says it’s none of your business, show him that ring on your finger. You tell him he made it your business when he asked, “Marry me?” She made it your business when she said, “Yes.” You have a right to not only disagree, but force the issue. You have a right to expect your spouse live a life that conforms to the Word of God.
Marriage is hard. It is harder still for anyone who claims Christ as Lord. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or be afraid, though, when it feels too hard to handle. Just take action. Start on your knees, and keep moving. Fight the good fight of faith for your spouse, for your marriage, for your family, and for your future. God’s gift should not be taken lightly. He or she has been entrusted to your care, and his or her spiritual maturity depends on you.
Period.
Oh, I know, they have a free will. They will make choices outside of the counsel of God. That is absolutely right, and we are NEVER responsible for our spouse’s decision to sin. However, the choice to sin isn’t the end of the story. In fact, in many ways it is just the beginning.
Once upon a time the happily married
—though possibly oblivious—
spouse discovered his/her spouse
had forsaken his/her vows…
How that story ends depends on you.
I am praying for you today. It is God’s will to use your marriage as a showpiece of His love for mankind. No matter how broken your marriage may be today, or how badly your spouse has forsaken you, I pray that hope will overtake doubt, and faith will conquer fear. God is able. I can say that with all assurance, because of all that He has done for me.
“If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am. God, the Father of our Lord Jesus, who is worthy of eternal praise, knows I am not lying.” (2 Corinthians 11:30-31)
by Doug & Caroline Gregan
Everything seemingly took place during our time in Arizona this past November, but really this is a story that was 26 years in the making. That is a lot of history, and we will not burden you with the whole story here. We will share just enough to help you understand that this decision to remarry is not about whimsy or romance or tradition. Or, hyper-spirituality. It is actually the fulfillment of a promise.
In 1 Samuel 25, the Word of God tells us of a very wealthy man named Nabal, his wife Abigail, and David. David and his army had been hiding from Saul in the caves of the Wilderness of Paran. On the day of a great feast at Nabal’s house, David sent ten men to appeal to Nabal for food, informing him that they had served him even without his knowledge. They had protected his shepherds and sheep in the wilderness. Nabal was now celebrating the shearing season with a large meal for all his household, and David only asked that he show him favor and give food to him and his men. Sharing of his abundance was a just reward. Instead, Nabal reviled David and flatly denied his request. When David heard this, he and 400 men armed themselves and left the caves to confront Nabal and destroy his household.
A servant, who must have known Abigail was a woman of “good understanding,” alerted her to what her husband had done and to what David was about to do. Abigail quickly gathered enough food for David and his men and sent it with her servants, following behind them on a donkey. When she saw David, she fell at his feet and made one of the most powerful appeals for mercy that we find recorded in the Bible. David recognized that she had been sent by the Lord to keep him from committing a terrible sin, and promptly spared her husband and household. When she returned home and shared this news with Nabal, he had a heart attack and fell into a coma. Ten days later, he was dead.
Upon hearing of Nabal’s death, David exalted the Lord for returning Nabal’s wickedness onto himself, and for avenging His servant and keeping him from sin. Then, the Bible says:
“And David sent and proposed to Abigail, to take her as his wife.”
NABAL
The story of our second marriage began just after I was born-again. Caroline signed me up for David Wilkerson’s newsletter, and in the first mailing I received two printed messages. One message really struck a chord: it was called, “Roving Eyes.” It spoke to the importance of guarding our eyes, hearts and minds from the sin of lust. This was a radical, new concept for me. My exposure to sexual perversion and immorality began very young. I was only a child when I took several pornographic magazines from one of my Dad’s brothers. My parents knew I had begun to look at porn, but never spoke to me about it. I grew up believing that lusting was normal behavior, so that message from Pastor Dave was a revelation to me and the beginning of my education in righteous living. I cleared out my apartment of anything that did not line up with my new life. I was determined to be a man of God.
Caroline did not know about this behavior before we were married. I believed it was over, and did not think of talk to her about it. However, when I fell for the first time, a few months after we were married, I quickly went to her and confessed my transgression. I was deeply remorseful—I did not want to be that man. My new wife did not hesitate to forgive me, and only needed to know that I had thrown the magazine away. For her, this was enough. That ended it. For her, not looking at pornography was just a decision one had to make. She had no idea the hold it had on me, but neither did I. The truth is that she had married a man like Nabal, who would one day be willing to risk everything he had for the sake of his own selfish desires. I had no idea how much I would be willing to lose for sin’s sake, but we were both about to find out.
Over the next nine years of our marriage and my walk with God, I pursued the Lord, served in ministry, and fought the temptation to sin. I also lost that fight more times than I can count. I sought help at every church we attended, but ministers either did not know how to help, or were too deep in a struggle of their own. In the ’90s, I didn’t know of any ministry geared to sexual addiction. I didn’t even know that what I was facing was an addiction. I make no excuses whatsoever for my choices, but there is a spiritual component to addiction that I did not understand at the time. I was in deep bondage. I needed to be delivered first.
About our eighth year of marriage, my company introduced the internet to our workplace. The nature of sin is that it is never satisfied, and the internet offered an endless supply for my growing appetite. By 1997, things were beginning to escalate. My computer became my alter to sexual idolatry. Everyday that I went to work, I would bow at that alter. This was the beginning of the darkest period in our life. I hated myself and felt a hopelessness that was beyond words. I began to believe that the only way out of this bondage was taking my own life. I was in complete despair of ever being free of sin.
ABIGAIL
The porn addict’s wife faces a battle all her own. Satan despises womanhood, and he uses porn to torment women with self-loathing, fear, and insecurity. He uses porn to drive a woman into despair for her husband, her marriage, her family, and even her own life. Though she is innocent before God of any offense, his secret sin becomes her secret, too. She becomes an unintentional co-conspirator in covering it up, because she feels disgraced by it. What if people find out? When people do inevitably find out, some might actually blame her. They cast a judgmental eye her way and wonder, “What could be wrong with her, that he needs other women?” In the ’90s, Caroline had no place within the church community to find support. The prevailing attitude was that an unfaithful man would always be unfaithful. It was the socially acceptable, unpardonable sin within a Christian marriage.
However, Caroline saw things differently. Her conviction was that forgiveness was a mandate from God. Someone asked her once, before we were married, if there was anything her husband could do that she would not forgive. Without possibly knowing the significance of what she was saying, or the foreshadowing in that question, she replied, “If he is truly repentant and God is willing to forgive his sin, who am I to not forgive him, too?” I don’t know how many times I tested her resolve, but I do know there were fewer times than fingers on one hand that Caroline did not forgive me before the “sun set.” More than Caroline loved me, she had a fear of God and a respect for the divine nature of marriage. She will tell you: she did not forgive me, because she loved me so much; she forgave me, because she loved God so much. Her desire to please Him was always greater than her desire to please herself, because she never trusted that she knew best.
Let be clear: nothing about this was easy for my wife. I have put her through more than her share of heartache and suffering, but the same faith that motivated her to pray for my salvation before we were married motivated her to pray for my deliverance. She knew my heart was for the Lord, even when my will was not. I don’t know why she didn’t give up on me, but she will tell you the Lord sustained her. Her mother was a faithful prayer support to us, and a constant encouragement. There were also some friends who stood with her in prayer, without judgment. When the internet came into our home, she sent prayer requests to every hotline she could find. In 2001, when we finally discovered two ministries aimed at sexual sin and addiction, she submerged herself in every book and article she could find. This is when the Holy Spirit told her, “Be like Eve,” teaching her about the spiritual influence and authority He has given wives. She gradually began to feel less like a victim of my sin, and more like a woman called of God to love her husband through the worst battle of his life. She became empowered as a woman of God, partnering with the Holy Spirit as an agent of God’s love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
It was also during this time that the Holy Spirit opened her understanding about a prophecy she had received during our first year of marriage. When I was at my very worst, and when Caroline would have been fully justified to leave, the Holy Spirit revealed to her a future that no one else would have believed. He assured her that her hope was not in vain.
DAVID
Let’s get back to Arizona. It is November 8, 2014. I had been reading Genesis 20:6, where the Lord tells King Abimelech that when he took Sarai into his palace to make her his wife—thinking she was only Abraham’s sister—it was God who kept him from sinning. God kept him from sinning. This really got my attention, so I began to follow the various cross-references that had to do with God keeping people from sinning. This search led me to 1 Samuel 25. The reference pointed to Abigail, Nabal’s wife, interceding on behalf of her husband, whom she calls a “man of Belial,” and “a fool.”
As I read these words, the Holy Spirit flooded my heart and mind with truth that pierced me to the core. He told me that I had been Nabal. He told me that the ONLY reason I had not been destroyed for my years of rebellion and sin was because of Caroline’s intercession. He told me that if she had not pleaded with God on my behalf, I would not have survived. He then said that just as Nabal had died by His hand, so had He killed my former self. My old man was truly and fully dead, and I was liberated to walk in new life.
As I sat on the back porch of my mother’s house, sobbing before God, many things were flying through my mind. I began connecting dots that led me to greater understanding. I looked at 1 Samuel 25 as representing the first twenty-five years of our marriage, and it was there that Nabal died. I believed the Holy Spirit was telling me that the twenty-sixth year was to be a new beginning, and that new beginning was to start with a wedding. The Holy Spirit was very clear: I was to ask Caroline to marry me, again. She needed to know that she was also liberated from Nabal, by marrying the righteous man God had promised her.
THE PROMISE IN THE PROPHECY
I mentioned above that there had been a prophecy. Well, there were actually two prophecies. In our first year of marriage, we attended our regular church on Sunday and Wednesday, and on Monday night we visited a new, Charismatic church. During one of the first services there, we were called forward for prayer and each received a word from the Lord. To Caroline, the Lord said He saw her like…Abigail. To me, He said, “a bruised reed I will not break, a smoking flax I will not quench.” He told me He was “the refiner’s fire, and the fuller’s soap,” and that I was to bind the Word like a frontlet between my eyes. I got the Lord’s message loud and clear: He had a lot of work to do in me!
However, Caroline didn’t know what to think about being described as Abigail. It never occurred to her that the prophecy had anything to do with her new husband—she had no idea what awaited her in our future together. She studied the passages in the Bible where Abigail is mentioned, and even asked one or two people what they thought. Was God just giving her a pat on the head?
Caroline felt in her spirit that there was more to this prophecy, and took the counsel of others to continue praying for revelation—which she did for 12 years. Finally, in 2001, during the darkest days of our life, she received the revelation she had prayed for so long. In a moment when she most needed a word of encouragement from the Lord, and a reason for her hope, the Holy Spirit opened her eyes to the promise in that prophecy. She suddenly understood that God knew her suffering, He saw what she was enduring; she understood that her husband was like Nabal, a son of Belial; and she understood that God had not forsaken her to be the wife of a fool for the rest of her life. The Lord spoke to her heart that one day her Nabal was going to die, and in his place she would have a man after God’s own heart. This was a powerful revelation, especially because it was a word the Lord had given her long before she could possibly know she would need it. That served as an evidence to her of His sovereignty over the present troubles in her, and that strengthened and increased her faith.
But, there was more! There was much more to that prophecy than Caroline knew, and it would be 13 more years. She did not know there was more for her in that prophecy. She was not seeking Him for greater revelation. In fact, she had been ministering this word to women for many years, urging them hold fast in faith and continue to do what was right before God, despite their husband’s choices. Then, one Sunday in the Spring of 2014, we were visiting the very church where God had begun His great work in our lives, Exeter Assembly of God. Pastor Ernie Karjala began to preach, and Caroline could hardly believe her ears. It was a subject she had never heard preached on before—even though she had heard thousands upon thousands of sermons in her lifetime. Yes, to her amazement, Pastor Ernie began delivering a message on Abigail—not a message about David’s mercy or Nabal’s insubordination, but Abigail! She was the heroine of this sermon, and as he spoke he opened up the prophecy even more. He brought a deeper meaning to the story, addressing not just Abigail’s role with her old fool, but also her role in David’s life. It was an affirmation of Caroline’s choices in her dealings with me, and a timely confirmation of her ministry to women. I will not repeat Pastor Ernie’s message, but I will tell you that Caroline definitely got a pat on the head from God that day!
THE PROPOSAL
Never had Caroline ever wanted to renew our vows. I had actually suggested it for our 10th, and brought it up again for our 25th, but to her our vows still held. Our vows were something we lived everyday. They didn’t need to be repeated or renewed—forgiveness righted any violations. A wedding was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and there was nothing about our first wedding she wanted to change. So, I didn’t really know what to expect when I proposed to her. I started by walking her through all that had happened on that porch, explaining what the Holy Spirit had ministered to me and spoken to my heart. I finally told her that He had told me I was to propose to her and marry her again, if she would take me. I got down on one knee, as we were both crying, and asked her to marry me. She said, “Yes!”
Of course, we didn’t have much opportunity to discuss a wedding then, and as time passed Caroline began to think maybe it was better for that proposal to be strictly symbolic. It had been about a month since I proposed, and she had pretty much talked herself out of it between weighing the cost, mourning my Mother’s death, wondering what people would think, the busy-ness of this time of year, and you name it! So, when I reminded her we had a wedding to plan, I almost had to propose, again! It actually took some effort to convince her I was indeed serious, that there was to be another actual wedding, and that this was indeed God’s will that we take new vows. In the end, knowing it was God’s will was all she really needed to know. She broke the news to our daughter right away, before she got cold feet, and Hannah’s response truly sealed it in her heart. God was in this. Wedding planning commenced immediately!
CELEBRATE WITH US
We hope many of you will join on February 28th. There is much reason to celebrate, and we would be blessed to celebrate with you. We would greatly appreciate your RSVP (with total number of people attending), as this will assist us in planning. We want to have enough food and favors and programs, etc.
P.S.
Three resources we recommend for those in the battle:
Pure Life Ministries
Mastering Life Ministries
Covenant Eyes
Please, feel free to reach out to us, too. You don’t have to go through this alone.
God bless you all!
❤
When the Saxophone Player went to ask my Mother for my hand in marriage, she famously said to him, “Are you sure you want to marry her? She is a very difficult person.”
He was willing to take his chances, and forever I have a story that reminds me of something quite important: I may be a very difficult person, but some people think I am worth the trouble.
I do work hard at not being a difficult person, and I have changed over the years, but I am afraid the work of perfecting Caroline will not end until she meets Jesus face-to-face.
So, I have learned to depend on love. I depend on people loving me, lumps and all. Taking me as I am, praying for me to be a more Christ-like person, but loving me until I am. I don’t know where I’d be without that love. Alone in a closet, I guess.
And, you know, I’d rather be alone in a closet, than with people who are only tolerating me. Please, don’t tolerate me! If you don’t love me, my offenses will always be unforgivable to you, and for me that would be unbearable. Love me, or leave me.
There is a verse I learned when I was six-years-old in Missionettes, but I did not fully understand it until years later:
“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
In other words, we’re all difficult! At least sometimes, in some ways, we all have things about us that others do not delight in, but that they are bearing with us, because they love the Lord. The following verse, Galatians 6:3 , tells us that if we think we are too good to put up with each other’s shortcomings, we are badly deceived.
The Bible has so much to say to us about how we treat one other. If only we paid more attention.
“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)
Love covers a multitude of sins, and I am grateful for those who love me enough, and love the Lord enough, to bear with difficult me. It’s that simple, you know?
❤
The Saxophone Player's Wife 