The Saxophone Player

His Next Best Job: Reflecting on 20 Years as Home Missionaries to the Prison & Aftercare Mission Field

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

As we’ve crossed over into our 20th year as home missionaries, the reality that there’s no going back has hit us pretty hard. And, when I say hard, I mean, it’s hit us as an undeniable fact. Doug won’t be retiring from a tech job. He will be retiring from the mission field.

That’s a strange reality. We didn’t know we were making a career choice when we took this on. We didn’t know we were making a lifetime commitment. We thought we were taking advantage of an opportunity to do something new for the Lord – just until He opened the door to Doug’s next job.

That’s just how it had always gone for him. Doug went from making photo copies at Kinko’s to a management position with Verizon. In between he spent a few years teaching software applications and then was offered a job by one of his students, which began his career in pre-press. God opened every door. His career was full of the favor of God, and we thanked God always for providing. Looking back, I think He was teaching us then that He was our Provider.

So, when he was part of the greatest layoff by a US corp, I wasn’t worried. I knew God had his next job waiting, because He’d proven that Doug just had to trust Him. God would open the next door, and Doug would walk through it into a better position than his previous one. This was an established pattern.

It just never occurred to me that this mission field was the better position. It wasn’t even a real job. God had to blind us to the whole picture. We wouldn’t have believed our eyes.

He told us to come to the edge of the cliff, our former life, and we thought standing there was enough. We didn’t know God was only pausing. The full command was, “Come to the edge; now, jump!”

Even then, we only saw this as a little adventure, something to do while we waited to go back to our real life. We thought his next best job was just around the corner.

Well, 20 years later, I guess we were right. This was God’s next best job for Doug. I don’t know what God has ahead of us this year, but I can tell you we see the work before us and know this is our opportunity to work as hard as we can. Some of our 38-year-old selves needs to rise up and energize us like it did in 2004. We need to gear-up and tighten our belts and brace ourselves for whatever we may be facing in 2025. If you would hold Doug in prayer, I’d really appreciate it. I’m just the cheerleader, but he has to actually face the giants.

We serve a very good God, who has walked with us everyday, and I am trusting Him concerning this new year. I’m looking forward to what may be ahead of us, but I know we’ll both be blessed to just get to do the same work we’ve been doing , but to do it better—hopefully, without hospital stays or ER visits or disabled backs or cars dying on the side of the highway.

Please, pray for this to be a powerful, that is, effective, year of ministry, for God’s protection and provision and uncompromising ministry.

God bless you!

❤️

The Hard Work of Being a Christian Wife

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

(I wrote this a long time ago, but never published it. Why? Well, that’s for another blog post. In any case, I’m publishing it today. And, I am publishing it without editing or second-guessing or yielding to my insecurities. So, typos and all, here it is for now. Maybe, one day I’ll come back and edit it and make it better.)

I sat down with a woman years ago. She had discovered that her husband was visiting prostitutes. She knew he had returned to drinking, but it was the prostitutes that had brought her to the point that she finally reached out for help.

That’s pretty typical. Wives will put up with a lot of bad behavior, even helping keep their husband’s secret sin a secret, until finally their husband just goes too far. Things get out of hand. “It was one thing when he would do XYZ, but now he’s not doing ABC and I think he might be doing LMNOP. I don’t know what’s going on. I just can’t take it anymore.“

Why Did She Take It At All?

So, back to my question: why do women put up with their husband’s bad behavior at all? Well, what I have heard from wives over and over is that they believe their only option is to endure: don’t complain, submit, hold your tongue. If they do a good enough job of suffering in silence, God will finally award them with a godly husband by whatever means necessary, including divorce. Mind you, they don’t know that’s what they believe; they would never confess that with their mouth. Yet, it’s true: too many women are believing that God is going to honor their passivity. God couldn’t possibly be expecting them to do something about their husband’s error or wrong inclinations. They believe thy just have to keep praying for God to help them endure.

That’s the first mistake Christian wives make. I don’t fault them, though. Most Christian women have not been spiritually equipped for marriage. I don’t know if that’s because it takes a lot of work to teach spiritual truths, or if it’s because – well, no. That’s why. Discipling humans is hard work, and churches just aren’t doing it. If a woman isn’t blessed to have a Titus 2 Woman in her life, she’s in trouble. Satan will be sure her ears are filled with every manner of secular humanist thought out there, counseling her right out of her marriage and her faith.

Is there a place for long-suffering? Absolutely! This is a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in our life. Just remember that long-suffering is patience, which in this scenario I think we can define as an evidence of our faith in God’s unfinished work. It is a spiritual condition. Instead of walking in patient faith in God, though, wives are white-knuckling their way through a little bit of Hell on Earth.

This is what I think happens to the godly wife full of every good intention towards her husband, whose faith is being worn down with his every transgression: she begins to tolerate his sin. Tolerance is easily mistaken for patience, aka long-suffering. We tolerate his coming home late; we tolerate his ignoring calls or texts; we tolerate his temper or offensive language. We tolerate his making place for boozing and using. We tolerate his unloving attitudes and behaviors. We tolerate his not attending family gatherings, or his skipping church, or his not serving God. Then, before we know it, sin has taken root and established itself in our husband’s life, and consequently in our marriage and family.

What’s A Christian Wife To Do?

Knowing your Christian husband is making wrong choices and not holding him accountable to the Word of God for those choices is the wrong kind of silence. That is not iron sharpening iron. That is not Galatians 6:2. It might make life easier for you in the moment, but in the long run that little transgression (it was just one drink, it was just one look, it was just one time, etc.) will lead him to the brink of spiritual death and your marriage and family to utter destruction.

For the record: a man who confesses Christ is Lord is a Christian. You should not be making allowances for any of the baggage (spiritual, emotional, or otherwise) that he brings with him to your marriage – or picks up after his, “I do.” There is no excuse for sin. Trauma or temperament or lifelong habits may be the cause of his struggle, but they are not to be accepted as a permission slip for sin. Unrepentant sin should have no place in a Christian’s life.

DON’T WRITE THE END OF HIS STORY

Yes, men have free will and they can choose to reject exhortation, accountability, or correction. However, we must not decide the end of his story. Who are we to determine God is done with him?

NO. As long as there is breath, there is hope. So, he’s rebellious to truth. Okay. That’s very bad! However, as a wife we still have a spiritual influence in our husband’s life. We exercise that influence in the spirit, through prayer and standing in the gap. We commit to intercede for him, because that’s what be a godly wife means. Through our tears, we call out to the Father for mercy. In our heartache, we believe by faith every promise of deliverance the Word has given. We cast off fear in the name of Jesus, and put on a garment of praise.

Thank God for God. Thank God for the Holy Spirit and His kind and loving ministry to our broken hearts. Thank God for tiny mustard-size seeds of faith that cannot be denied. Thank God for prophetic words received over the years, but never understood until that moment when we needed them, when the Holy Spirit suddenly opens our eyes to see that not only was He calling us to a deeper faith and great intimacy with Him, but that He had gone ahead, before we ever knew we would marry this man, and had made provision for the loving support and godly friendship we would need in this hard place. Just look around. Reach out to them.

For me, I didn’t think I could possibly take one more emotional hit, yet here was the Holy Spirit teaching me that in my place of greatest pain, it was still not about me. My marriage wasn’t about having a good husband, but about being a good wife. When it was the hardest, if I would yield my will to God’s and allow the Holy Spirit to use me as my husband’s help meet (a spiritual calling on every wife, FYI), He would meet me in that place and give me all I needed.

A Final Exhortations

Make your requests known to God. Think on those things that glorify God. Have faith for the unbelievable and impossible. Being a biblical wife to a spiritually high maintenance man is very hard. At times you feel crushed under the weight of that calling—and, I am convinced it is a calling. The unrepentant husband will tax you heavily, but remember that your prayers for him are for God to be Master, Lord, and Savior. He is willful and continue to reject the truth, but God is on your side. Make your requests known. Stop him, God! Convict him, Holy Spirit! Have mercy on him! Forgive him! Spare him! Save him!

Don’t stop praying. Ask the Holy Spirit how to pray for him! Pray in the Spirit over him. Reject whatsoever things are unlovely and untrue. Banish the lies of Satan from your mind and remember that Fear is a wicked spirit.

Read Philippians 4.

Forgive him. Again. And, again. There is so much spiritual power in forgiveness!

Love him. Be the hands of Christ whenever you touch him. Bless him that curses you. Do good to those that despitefully use you.

Speak truth out loud, because faith comes by hearing—you’re talking to yourself!

If you need prayer, but have no one else to go to, I will pray for you.

Remember, the Holy Spirit is your Comfort and your Help. Depend on Him. He will be there for you. When I had no one to confide in, no one who still had faith or hope for my husband, the Holy Spirit was there. Bless the Lord!

❤️

TSP: The Solid Rock

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

Just wanted to share this version of The Solid Rock, recorded by my husband, Doug Gregan.

The song was written by Ed­ward Mote, cir­ca 1834, before there even were saxophones, but Doug does a beautiful job integrating his horn into this powerful hymn.  Will­iam B. Brad­bu­ry composed the music in 1863, according to the HymnTime.com website.

Below are the lyrics, if you’re inclined to sing along.

THE SOLID ROCK

My hope is built on no­thing less
Than Je­sus’ blood and right­eous­ness.
I dare not trust the sweet­est frame,
But whol­ly trust in Je­sus’ name.

Refrain

On Christ the so­lid rock I stand,
All oth­er ground is sink­ing sand;
All oth­er ground is sink­ing sand.

When dark­ness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His un­chang­ing grace.
In ev­ery high and stor­my gale,
My an­chor holds with­in the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His co­ve­nant, His blood,
Support me in the whelm­ing flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trum­pet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His right­eous­ness alone,
Faultless to stand be­fore the throne.

Refrain

Click to hear The Solid Rock on Sound Cloud.

The Solid Rock with Doug Gregan on saxophone and keyboard. There are three versions, and this is the first.

I hope you are blessed. It brings peace to my soul.

❤️

1 February 2022

/ SaxophoneWife / 3 Comments

I had planned to repeat my Facebook-Free February this year, but I haven’t done a very good job today. I suppose it could be Facebook-Free March or April. We’ll see. Maybe, I’ll start a day late.

As my husband headed off to bed tonight, he looked down at me (I was working on my laptop on the couch) and smiled with his whole face as he struggled to find the right words. “You…are…a…squirrely…rascally…challenge!”

I laughed out loud. “You know, she’s a very difficult person,” his future mother in law warned.

Well, his comment reminded me of something else. He reminded me of one a Shakespeare’s Sonnets I had included it in a poetry book I made him 34 years ago, when he left Long Beach, California for Boston, Massachusetts. He was coming here to study the saxophone with Jerry Bergonzi. This was his dream come true. We were just friends, but I was already in love with him. So, I decided to make him a poetry book. What is a poetry book? Well, it’s a scrapbook of poems or quotes, with pictures collected from magazines or greeting cards. Maybe, photo copied from a book. It wasn’t a gift you gave just anyone—only your very best friends.

So, on the night before he flew out, I drove over to see him to say good-bye. That’s what friends do, right? We hung out for awhile, and I gave him his gift as I was leaving—some time after midnight. I drove away in my ’72 Toyota Corona—missing floor board on the passenger’s side and a trunk that only stayed closed with a bungee cord—and I prayed and rejoiced and felt incredible peace. Oh, I definitely cried my eyes out, too. I knew I would never see him again. His poetry book was my last bid to leave my mark on his life.

I know it’s small potatoes, but we’re celebrating our 33rd Anniversary soon, and I’m grateful for a husband who loves a “challenge.” 🙂

So, this is the sonnet. Figured I should share. You can see I made his poetry book in a music notebook, instead of a scrapbook. Seemed appropriate for a musician.

I love the picture I included—it related to the poem on the facing page, too, which begins: “My clumsiest dear, whose hands shipwreck vases….” (Love Poem, written by John Frederick Nims.)

It was interesting to look through that poetry book tonight. I’m glad for all the ways I’ve changed in 34 years, and for all the ways I’ve stayed just the same.

❤

Despair is a Round Trip

/ SaxophoneWife / 3 Comments

I was closing an email from Doug, the Saxophone Player, and my eye quickly glanced down at his signature.

This email came from his office at the jail, and I was just moved to tears seeing his title. You may not know my husband’s testimony**, but I can tell you that I did not marry a man fit to be a minister. I married a great guy, but he had some big problems. Those problems affected his family, and drove me to despair so many times I don’t need a map anymore.

Yet, in those places of hopelessness The Holy Spirit kept telling me to trust God. Sometimes, there would be this flash of a vision from an unknown future. I would see him speaking to a group of people, Bible in hand. Where did that come from?

I can’t get over what God has done in my husband’s life, and I hope I NEVER do! I hope I never forget what God has done, and that He is able to do far more than we can hope or imagine—if we will just keep trusting Him. That trust will most likely mean a few trips to despair for anyone daring enough to let God do things His way, but I promise it’s a round trip when we’re in His hands. It’s a round trip!

I did not marry a man worthy of his titles: Reverand, Pastor, Chaplain, Chief Executive Officer, President. He wasn’t worthy of the work the Lord has entrusted to his care, but God made him worthy. God persevered, and Doug surrendered.

If you know the way to Despair as well as I once did, please seek the Lord for help. Please, believe that He is able to help you in your circumstances, because what He does for one of His children*, He will do for any of them.

❤

*If you aren’t sure you are a child of God, don’t wait to find out. CLICK HERE.
** This is Doug’s Testimony. CLICK HERE

Happy Anniversary to My Elkanah

/ SaxophoneWife / 2 Comments

To mark our 32nd wedding anniversary, I thought I would share some photos. It’s kind of an odd assortment. I just chose pictures that stood out to me and offer a glimpse into our past. As we move into our future, I am just so thankful for this man I see these days as my Elkanah, a godly servant of the Lord, faithful and kind. Thank you, dear Doug, for all the seasons of our life together.

  • Doug was too cool for school.
  • This is the guy who rescued my heart.
  • With my Mother, at our engagement party.
  • My sister, Jill, hosted the night.
  • Doug’s parents.
  • We tied ribbons on each other’s fingers.
  • Outside the church.
  • Married in Boston’s Back Bay. Honeymooned down the street. It made sense to walk. Traffic honked as we went. Incredible.
  • The view from our room.
  • Doug’s brother took snapshots at our wedding.
  • My in-laws arranged a reception in our room.
  • Almost a year later, we took a posed photo.

The Saxophone Player: “His Spirit Cries Out”

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

I would like to share a song of the Lord, for the Lord—inspired by the Holy Spirit. This is The Saxophone Player, Doug Gregan.

I hope you are blessed! ❤

The Saxophone Player: “What A Friend We Have In Jesus”

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

www.youtube.com/watch

One of the churches that supports us as missionaries asked The Saxophone Player, my husband, to record a ministry update and saxophone solo. I thought you might like to hear his solo.

God bless you today!❤️

Sunday Worship: “Jesus Is My Lord”

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

This song soothes my spiritual aches and pains. No matter the cares and burdens I may have carried in with me, this song gently leads me into a place of worship. When I am worshiping Jesus, there is nothing else that matters in the world.

“Worshiping at the piano one day, this song started with the first stanza. The other two stanzas were added shortly thereafter. There are times when I sing this that I feel the Lord is so near. It is a very intimate declaration of Christ’s Lordship over my life.”
(Doug Gregan)

(Verse 1)
Lord, I love You
And I magnify Your name.
Lord, I praise You. Holy One, I know you reign.
When fear tries to overcome me
I will call upon Your name
And Your loving Holy Spirit will bring me peace.
’Cause, Jesus is my Lord.
Jesus is my Lord.

(Verse 2)
Great Redeemer,
Thank You for my debt You’ve paid.
Master, Savior, help me serve You all my days.
For I know that I was purchased with
The price that was Your Blood.
Help me take my cross and follow You each day.
’Cause, Jesus is my Lord.
Jesus is my Lord.

(Verse 3)
Hallelujah,
I’ve been finally set free.
Grace to glory, my God’s love is so great for me.
When I think of all the love
That Jesus has poured into my life,
I can only weep with silent, thankful joy.
’Cause, Jesus is my Lord.
Jesus is my Lord.
Jesus is my Lord.
Jesus is my Lord.
Jesus is my Lord.

 

“Jesus Is My Lord”
Words & Music by Doug Gregan
© LAMP Songs
Vocals and Keyboard, Doug Gregan

 

Jesus: Great Redeemer, Savior, and Friend.

*These songs are meant to be sung in congregations. They are registered with CCLI, however, we offer them to the Body of Christ free of charge—for the sake of congregations that cannot afford a CCLI license or SongSelect membership. So, if you hear a song you would like to share with your church, let us know. We will email you the lead sheet, guitar tabs, lyric sheet, and/or overhead master*. No charge. The performance of the song may never be sold (even as part of a fundraiser), but anyone may use them freely to the glory of God. (*If you lack printing capabilities, we will mail them to you.)

Every Tool in the Box

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

“Oh, no.”

I could hear from the tone of the Saxophone Player’s voice that something really bad had just happened. 

Doug was installing a new shower head we’d received for Christmas,  when the water pipe that pokes out from the shower wall broke off right into his hand. It didn’t unscrew off, mind you. It was sheared right at the point where the threading starts and it screws into another pipe.

This was not good.

Doug texted our son-in-law, and asked if he could check it out the next day. Tim’s a handy fellow, and conveniently lives in the upstairs apartment. So, the next afternoon Tim came down with a pair of pliers in hand. I was surprised he only had a pair of pliers. I imagined the tub wall would have to be opened to get to the rest of pipe, and said so to Tim.

Cheerfully, (he’s a pretty upbeat guy) he said, “Well, maybe not. If I can remove the rest of the pipe, we shouldn’t have to open up the wall.” He explained that he’d checked on the situation earlier, before leaving for work, but the pliers he had used didn’t do the trick. “Hopefully, this pair will work.”

I went back to what I was doing (making applesauce), while he did his thing. About a minute later, he calls out: “I got it!”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, thanks to my grandfather’s pliers.” He laid them down to show me. “I couldn’t find them this morning, but I had a feeling they would do the trick.”

There are lots of pliers in the world, and they all work just fine, but that particular pair was just what Tim needed for that particular job.

I don’t use pliers often, but I use other tools. We all do. Some tools we reach for everyday, and some maybe only once a year. However, even that tool you only use once a year, like the hacksaw that Doug uses to make a fresh cut on our Christmas tree, is irreplaceable. Nothing else can do what it does. 

As I thought about tools, and how thoughtfully designed and carefully crafted they are for their particular purpose, I started to think about us—you and me. We’re actually tools, too. We were thoughtfully designed and carefully crafted, too. And, the Master Craftsman who designed us created us for a very particular purpose. 

Stop and think about that.

Now, no analogy is perfect, but I think there’s a measure of truth here. The Word of God tells us that we are gifted by God with certain talents: something we can do. These aren’t always talents like we normally think of talents—performance talents. It might be a talent for bringing order to chaos. Or, maybe you can turn a carrot and an egg it into a tasty and beautiful birthday cake. Maybe, you aren’t a singer, but you can make the singer’s voice heard above the drums in a room filled with 1,000 people.

As many tools are in any toolbox or kitchen drawer, it’s still just a drop in the bucket of how many different talents God has gifted His creation—you and me. Whether we have several, or have trouble thinking of even one, I can promise you that God has given you a talent, and He means for you to use it for the very purpose He intended.

So, what’s your talent? Does something come to mind? If you’re like I used to be, you might feel too insecure to say what you think your talent is, and that’s OK. I would probably still have a hard time admitting out loud that I have a talent for doing anything more than making gravy, and when I was younger—and so much more insecure—that’s the only talent I thought I had to offer the Lord. I baked cookies for the homeless, I cooked for church suppers, and I took meals to the sick. I took the only talent I thought I had, and used it every chance I could. As I kept serving the Lord with the talent I had, and doing anything else for the Lord—including things I was definitely not talented at doing—I discovered and acquired other talents.

Now, a reasonable question right now might be, “How do I find out what my talents are, and what God’s purpose is for my talent?”

Well, this is my simple answer: first, start doing whatsoever your hand finds to do for the Lord.

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.” Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NKJV)

That’s one reason we need to be in church. In church, there are so many opportunities to serve God. Some opportunities might not sound very appealing. Or, we might be tempted to say, “I don’t think I have a talent for that.” Yet, as we start doing whatsoever our hand finds to do, we start to discover there are some things we’re actually really good at, and really enjoy doing. That’s a good sign. Our leaders are going to recognize our talents, too. We might not think we’ve a talent for something, because we compare ourselves to others, but our leaders can be more objective.

Now, your next reasonable question might be: “How will I know God’s purpose for my talent?” That answer is even simpler that the last answer. The ultimate purpose for any talent is that it glorify God.

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 (NKJV)

Now, if we happen to attend a church that doesn’t have many opportunities, we can ask our pastor to help us find a local ministry that needs help. However, I suspect most pastors will have something for a willing person to do. We might start serving in just a small way, or in a way we really don’t think is using our talent (or that we are talented at doing), but that’s how God leads us to those works that He has prepared in advance for us to do. 

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV)

Start doing something, and see what God does next. 

❤