death

Passing Time

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

We were locked out of our car, waiting in the parking lot of Market Basket for the AAA dude. Took this picture to help pass the time. Or, maybe I wanted to mark the time.

We were on our way to my sister’s house, the Historian. It was a very impromptu family gathering. People changed plans and food was thrown together – hence, Market Basket.

One of the things I’d purchased at Market Basket was an apple pie. The Historian had been very sick the past two weeks, not eating much. I knew she would reject apple pie, if I offered it to her. So, I almost didn’t buy it.

Yet, something in me said, “Get it, anyway.”

So much time was passing, I almost thought we should just skip going. I had work to do. She was going to get to see the littles, and that was really what the day was about, I thought.

AAA dude showed up. Cracked our window, but we got the keys and headed to Maine.

That was the last time I would see my sister alive. I look at this picture and the silly spontaneity in it is gone for me. Now, it’s just the last picture of me on the last day I got to see her alive.

I’m so thankful for that day. So thankful everyone came together. God was so kind to us. The last thing my sisters and I did together was pray. I still don’t like God’s answer, but Psalm 116:15 is a good verse to keep in my heart:

His loved ones are very precious to Him, and He does not lightly let them die.
Psalm 116:15

While it is still hard to believe she is gone, it was six months ago this week. Time passes.

As I sat with my sister that afternoon, she said she had a taste for something. “What can I bring you? I’ll bring you anything you like.” “You know, I wish we had some apple pie. That’s what I’d like. A little piece of apple pie.”

God is good.

❤

Companions

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

I have been keeping company with Sadness today.

Sadness was a frequent guest last year. When the new year brought new loss, he set-up camp. I did not invite him, but he does not leave.

Most of the time, I find his company bearable. He is not usually oppressive. Present, but only passively imposing himself. Most days, I hold my focus on Happiness, and Sadness lurks in the shadows. I can almost convince myself he isn’t even there.

Then I turn a corner just a moment too soon, and come face-to-face with my old enemy. A painful confrontation. I am suddenly reminded of all that is lost, and Happiness is unseated.

Happiness is always fleeting.

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Ah, but I have learned not to depend on Happiness. She is my fickle friend. Hope is my true and steady friend; always near. I take her hand and face Sadness down.

❤

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