Either way, this is not God’s will for you.
God’s will for you is to grow. To change. To always be becoming the person He called you to be from your mother’s womb.
Yes, He did call you. He does have a unique purpose for your life that is going to distinctly please and honor Him. However, you have to let go. You have to stop looking back. And, you will have to trust Him more. And, even more than that.
The future is unknown, and it may not look very good right now, but you cannot judge His will by your present circumstances. You cannot judge His will by how you feel. The heart is deceitful above all things: do not accept it’s council.