Author: SaxophoneWife

7 Questions You Should Be Able To Answer About Your Children

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And, by “Your Children” I mean all the children at your church.

There is a good chance you attend church with a sexual predator who is targeting the children who attend church with you.  That does not mean you should be suspicious of every man or woman who walks through the door on Sunday morning, but it does mean you should be suspicious of the safety protocol your church has established to protect their youngest congregants. Unless you know for a fact that children’s leaders are diligently upholding a standard of safety, ask some questions and hold your leaders accountable. If they don’t like your questions, get even more suspicious. It’s right for you to care about what is happening within your church. In fact,  Galations 6:10 exhorts us to activism on behalf of our church family:

“So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God’s family with you, the believers].”

That is the Amplified Version, and I like it best, but any translation will say the same thing: do good to everyone, but especially your Brothers and Sisters in the Lord! The children in your church count as “everyone,” and as your Brothers and Sisters.

So, what do you ask the leaders? What should they be doing to keep your children safe?

1. Is There A Policy In Place?

  • This means that when you bring the first question to the leadership, they are prepared to give you an answer.
  • This means there is an information packet or brochure.

2. Is There Transparency And Accountability?

  • This means the leadership will tell you of any past offenses that may have occurred under the church’s jurisdiction.
  • This means you are assured that anyone in the congregation who is a recovering abusers is in an accountability relationship with the church leadership.
  • This means you will feel free to bring your concerns to the leadership.
  • This means the leadership will tell you how to hold them accountable.

3. Is There Awareness?

  • This means the church talks about abuse.
  • This means the abused know there is someone they can trust.
  • This means the pastor preaches messages that minister to the hurting.
  • This means parents are educated in how to protect their children at church, at home, in school, and in their community.
  • This means parents are taught how to recognize signs of abuse, and how to report it.

4. Are Workers Screened? 

  • This means anyone who is going to work with minors in church, host them at home, or chaperone them at events will have a criminal record screening for every state where they have resided.
  • This means prospective workers are thoroughly researched online.
  • This means references are required and contacted.
  • This means there is a waiting period.
  • This means there are no allowances for people of reputation or position. No one is exempt.

5. Do Workers Follow Proper Protocol?

  • This means, first and foremost, that there is regular training for workers, so that they know and are reminded of the Safety Protocol.
  • This means there are two workers present with minors at all times. (Husband and wife teams don’t count!)
  • This means workers never meet with minors privately, or drive them anywhere alone.
  • This means workers and minors do not share private emails or texts.
  • This means physical contact is restricted. (Not prohibited, but restricted.)
  • This means workers dress appropriately and modestly.

 6. Are Workers Protecting And Defending?

  • This means alter ministry is gender-specific.
  • This means minors are escorted to the bathroom, with the worker on guard outside.
  • This means minors are signed-in and out of class, and only released to approved guardians.
  • This means workers are trained to detect signs of abuse, and given a protocol to follow.
  • This means workers are alert and on guard.
  • This means charges of abuse are not handled internally, but reported to the proper authorities.

 7. Is The Whole Church Working Together?

  • This means every worker is screened, not only those working with minors.
  • This means every leader knows the reporting protocol.
  • This means ushers make the rounds during Sunday School.
  • This means the pastor follows smart practices, too. No exemptions.
  • This means church computers have porn-filtering safeguards in place.

If you are looking for more information, there are many resources available online.  Start by going to your church leaders, though, and getting these questions answered. You may find out that one of the biggest hindrances to your children’s safety is a lack of workers. In that case, I hope you will consider becoming a volunteer yourself. Is there any better way to be sure your children are safe?

26 Reasons I Loved Him Then, And Love Him Still

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Today is a very special day. I am excited to announce that it is our 26th wedding anniversary. TWENTY-SIX YEARS! I know that is not a long time compared to many, but it’s remarkable to me. I mean, when I met Doug the thought of getting married was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t think it was possible for me to be happily married for life, and if it wasn’t for life I didn’t want anything to do with it. But, now I’m one of those people who’s on her way to a Golden Anniversary, still happy to see his face and still reaching under the sheet for his hand in the middle of the night.

I’m blessed, and grateful.

Anyway, to honor him, the man of the hour and the man of my dreams, I want to share 26 Reasons I Loved Him Then, and Love Him Still. It’s not a complete list of all the reasons I love him, but it’s the things that come to mind first.

1. He knew how to pronounce my name. My name was Caroline Mosqueda, and I never expected anyone to get it right. My first name was usually pronounced CaroLYN, and my maiden name was always butchered. He got them both right, the first time. Even better, though, he actually was concerned he had pronounced them correctly. I was impressed.

2. He loved my parents, even my Dad, whom he never met—except through me. My Mother was more than his mother-in-law; she was his spiritual Mom. She trusted him like a son.

3. He believed in my dreams. Still does.

4. He noticed things about me that I didn’t think anyone could see. He still does.

5. He has been in charge of bathroom cleaning for 26 years. (I think that makes him a hero.)

6. He makes me laugh. And, lets me make him laugh, too.

7. He does a great Peanuts dance. It’s usually at a moment when you don’t expect it, and always at Christmas time, when that song plays from “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

8. He introduced me to jazz.

9. He brought me to Boston.

10. He is always willing to learn new things. He can teach himself anything!

11. He respects my quirks and eccentricities. (I have several.)

12. He made me handmade, pop-up cards. Still have them, of course.

13. He wears his heart for Jesus on his sleeve. When he came to Christ, he fell head over heels in love with his Savior.

14. He has endured my sinfulness, selfishness, insecurities, and immaturity with love and patience.

15. He doesn’t have anything to prove. Ever.

16. He kills all the bugs. That means literally, and figuratively. He does all the dirty work.

17. He does things I’m afraid to do, but gives me courage to do the things I need to do myself.

18. He’s really nice. He is kind to everyone. He knew all the patients at the care facility where his mother lived. By name. Knew their loved ones. Knew the staff. And, he didn’t know them for any politically reason. He has compassion for people, and it shows.

19. He cares about my opinion. Well, 99 times out of 100. Those are pretty good odds.

20. He has become an example to me. He has become someone I can safely ask for counsel. I can trust his advice.

21. He has always protected me. Always looked out for my wellness and safety.

22. Do I list the ways he cared for me, when I had cancer and during that long and complication-filled recovery? Do I list every time he had to nurse my huge wound? Or, every time he had to sit with me in a doctor’s office? Or, how he kept me calm in E.R.s? Do I list the many times he had to inject me with blood thinners? Oy! This guy had nurses in awe of the fine care he gave his wife. He didn’t have to be that guy, but he did it without flinching.

23. He always tries to fit one of my favorite worship songs into his song list, especially when he knows I really need to hear it.

24. He speaks truth with compassion. He says such hard things so well.

25. He has given his daughter an example that guards her from foolish men.

26. He is always growing. Always trying to be more like Christ. I respect him so much as a man of God. It’s really what I love about him most.

Now, there is ONE thing he doesn’t do that I have never liked very much at all: he doesn’t play his saxophone for me at home. Can you imagine that? I mean, of all things! Well, I guess nobody’s perfect.

I Don’t Really Want to Share This

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Recently, the Saxophone Player and I shared the reason for our re-marriage; it is posted on the GREGANS…AGAIN! page of this blog.

Most anyone who has known us for any length of time knows some part of the story behind our remarriage. However, this is a pretty thorough telling, and it wasn’t easy for me to click that Publish button. I still battle worrying about what people will think. Will they be offended? Confused? Disappointed? Will they doubt Doug’s ministry? Transparency is risky business.

The story is written in Doug’s voice, because it really is his story. He wrote the first draft, and I edited his part and filled in missing bits. It was emotionally exhausting to remember some of those difficult days. I had to not only walk down Memory Lane, but pitch a tent and stay a while in some of pretty dark alleyways. I thank God that wounds have all healed. Some scars are barely visible now.

If you do read this abbreviated version of our experience with sexual addiction in our marriage, I hope you will recognize that God is the Hero of this story. Had He not intervened, our destruction was inevitable. We were on the road to death, but He gave us a detour. And, I say “we,” because even though I was the “good one,” so to speak, spiritually we were—and are—one. That is what makes a godly marriage so unique, and so potentially powerful as a vehicle for expressing the love of God.

For hope’s sake, I invite you to read our little story. It is officially the tale of how Doug came to propose to me again, but it is really a testimony of God’s faithfulness. And, without doubt, I know that what He has done for me, He can do for you. Whatever circumstance you are facing, there is hope through Christ.

P.S. If you want to RSVP to the wedding, to let us whether you can attend or not, we have created a page to make it nice and easy: CLICK HERE

rsvp logo

David, Abigail & Nabal

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Or, The Story of How The Lord Spoke to Doug and Led Him to Ask Caroline to Remarry Him

by Doug & Caroline Gregan

Everything seemingly took place during our time in Arizona this past November, but really this is a story that was 26 years in the making. That is a lot of history, and we will not burden you with the whole story here. We will share just enough to help you understand that this decision to remarry is not about whimsy or romance or tradition. Or, hyper-spirituality. It is actually the fulfillment of a promise.

In 1 Samuel 25, the Word of God tells us of a very wealthy man named Nabal, his wife Abigail, and David. David and his army had been hiding from Saul in the caves of the Wilderness of Paran. On the day of a great feast at Nabal’s house, David sent ten men to appeal to Nabal for food, informing him that they had served him even without his knowledge. They had protected his shepherds and sheep in the wilderness. Nabal was now celebrating the shearing season with a large meal for all his household, and David only asked that he show him favor and give food to him and his men. Sharing of his abundance was a just reward. Instead, Nabal reviled David and flatly denied his request. When David heard this, he and 400 men armed themselves and left the caves to confront Nabal and destroy his household.

A servant, who must have known Abigail was a woman of “good understanding,” alerted her to what her husband had done and to what David was about to do. Abigail quickly gathered enough food for David and his men and sent it with her servants, following behind them on a donkey. When she saw David, she fell at his feet and made one of the most powerful appeals for mercy that we find recorded in the Bible. David recognized that she had been sent by the Lord to keep him from committing a terrible sin, and promptly spared her husband and household. When she returned home and shared this news with Nabal, he had a heart attack and fell into a coma. Ten days later, he was dead.

Upon hearing of Nabal’s death, David exalted the Lord for returning Nabal’s wickedness onto himself, and for avenging His servant and keeping him from sin. Then, the Bible says:

“And David sent and proposed to Abigail, to take her as his wife.”

NABAL
The story of our second marriage began just after I was born-again. Caroline signed me up for David Wilkerson’s newsletter, and in the first mailing I received two printed messages. One message really struck a chord: it was called, “Roving Eyes.” It spoke to the importance of guarding our eyes, hearts and minds from the sin of lust. This was a radical, new concept for me. My exposure to sexual perversion and immorality began very young. I was only a child when I took several pornographic magazines from one of my Dad’s brothers. My parents knew I had begun to look at porn, but never spoke to me about it. I grew up believing that lusting was normal behavior, so that message from Pastor Dave was a revelation to me and the beginning of my education in righteous living. I cleared out my apartment of anything that did not line up with my new life. I was determined to be a man of God.

Caroline did not know about this behavior before we were married. I believed it was over, and did not think of talk to her about it. However, when I fell for the first time, a few months after we were married, I quickly went to her and confessed my transgression. I was deeply remorseful—I did not want to be that man. My new wife did not hesitate to forgive me, and only needed to know that I had thrown the magazine away. For her, this was enough. That ended it. For her, not looking at pornography was just a decision one had to make. She had no idea the hold it had on me, but neither did I. The truth is that she had married a man like Nabal, who would one day be willing to risk everything he had for the sake of his own selfish desires. I had no idea how much I would be willing to lose for sin’s sake, but we were both about to find out.

Over the next nine years of our marriage and my walk with God, I pursued the Lord, served in ministry, and fought the temptation to sin. I also lost that fight more times than I can count. I sought help at every church we attended, but ministers either did not know how to help, or were too deep in a struggle of their own. In the ’90s, I didn’t know of any ministry geared to sexual addiction. I didn’t even know that what I was facing was an addiction. I make no excuses whatsoever for my choices, but there is a spiritual component to addiction that I did not understand at the time. I was in deep bondage. I needed to be delivered first.

About our eighth year of marriage, my company introduced the internet to our workplace. The nature of sin is that it is never satisfied, and the internet offered an endless supply for my growing appetite. By 1997, things were beginning to escalate. My computer became my alter to sexual idolatry. Everyday that I went to work, I would bow at that alter. This was the beginning of the darkest period in our life. I hated myself and felt a hopelessness that was beyond words. I began to believe that the only way out of this bondage was taking my own life. I was in complete despair of ever being free of sin.

ABIGAIL
The porn addict’s wife faces a battle all her own. Satan despises womanhood, and he uses porn to torment women with self-loathing, fear, and insecurity. He uses porn to drive a woman into despair for her husband, her marriage, her family, and even her own life. Though she is innocent before God of any offense, his secret sin becomes her secret, too. She becomes an unintentional co-conspirator in covering it up, because she feels disgraced by it. What if people find out? When people do inevitably find out, some might actually blame her. They cast a judgmental eye her way and wonder, “What could be wrong with her, that he needs other women?” In the ’90s, Caroline had no place within the church community to find support. The prevailing attitude was that an unfaithful man would always be unfaithful. It was the socially acceptable, unpardonable sin within a Christian marriage.

However, Caroline saw things differently. Her conviction was that forgiveness was a mandate from God. Someone asked her once, before we were married, if there was anything her husband could do that she would not forgive. Without possibly knowing the significance of what she was saying, or the foreshadowing in that question, she replied, “If he is truly repentant and God is willing to forgive his sin, who am I to not forgive him, too?” I don’t know how many times I tested her resolve, but I do know there were fewer times than fingers on one hand that Caroline did not forgive me before the “sun set.” More than Caroline loved me, she had a fear of God and a respect for the divine nature of marriage. She will tell you: she did not forgive me, because she loved me so much; she forgave me, because she loved God so much. Her desire to please Him was always greater than her desire to please herself, because she never trusted that she knew best.

Let be clear: nothing about this was easy for my wife. I have put her through more than her share of heartache and suffering, but the same faith that motivated her to pray for my salvation before we were married motivated her to pray for my deliverance. She knew my heart was for the Lord, even when my will was not. I don’t know why she didn’t give up on me, but she will tell you the Lord sustained her. Her mother was a faithful prayer support to us, and a constant encouragement. There were also some friends who stood with her in prayer, without judgment. When the internet came into our home, she sent prayer requests to every hotline she could find. In 2001, when we finally discovered two ministries aimed at sexual sin and addiction, she submerged herself in every book and article she could find. This is when the Holy Spirit told her, “Be like Eve,” teaching her about the spiritual influence and authority He has given wives. She gradually began to feel less like a victim of my sin, and more like a woman called of God to love her husband through the worst battle of his life. She became empowered as a woman of God, partnering with the Holy Spirit as an agent of God’s love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

It was also during this time that the Holy Spirit opened her understanding about a prophecy she had received during our first year of marriage. When I was at my very worst, and when Caroline would have been fully justified to leave, the Holy Spirit revealed to her a future that no one else would have believed. He assured her that her hope was not in vain.

DAVID
Let’s get back to Arizona. It is November 8, 2014. I had been reading Genesis 20:6, where the Lord tells King Abimelech that when he took Sarai into his palace to make her his wife—thinking she was only Abraham’s sister—it was God who kept him from sinning. God kept him from sinning. This really got my attention, so I began to follow the various cross-references that had to do with God keeping people from sinning. This search led me to 1 Samuel 25. The reference pointed to Abigail, Nabal’s wife, interceding on behalf of her husband, whom she calls a “man of Belial,” and “a fool.”

As I read these words, the Holy Spirit flooded my heart and mind with truth that pierced me to the core. He told me that I had been Nabal. He told me that the ONLY reason I had not been destroyed for my years of rebellion and sin was because of Caroline’s intercession. He told me that if she had not pleaded with God on my behalf, I would not have survived. He then said that just as Nabal had died by His hand, so had He killed my former self. My old man was truly and fully dead, and I was liberated to walk in new life.

As I sat on the back porch of my mother’s house, sobbing before God, many things were flying through my mind. I began connecting dots that led me to greater understanding. I looked at 1 Samuel 25 as representing the first twenty-five years of our marriage, and it was there that Nabal died. I believed the Holy Spirit was telling me that the twenty-sixth year was to be a new beginning, and that new beginning was to start with a wedding. The Holy Spirit was very clear: I was to ask Caroline to marry me, again. She needed to know that she was also liberated from Nabal, by marrying the righteous man God had promised her.

THE PROMISE IN THE PROPHECY
I mentioned above that there had been a prophecy. Well, there were actually two prophecies. In our first year of marriage, we attended our regular church on Sunday and Wednesday, and on Monday night we visited a new, Charismatic church. During one of the first services there, we were called forward for prayer and each received a word from the Lord. To Caroline, the Lord said He saw her like…Abigail. To me, He said, “a bruised reed I will not break, a smoking flax I will not quench.” He told me He was “the refiner’s fire, and the fuller’s soap,” and that I was to bind the Word like a frontlet between my eyes. I got the Lord’s message loud and clear: He had a lot of work to do in me!

However, Caroline didn’t know what to think about being described as Abigail. It never occurred to her that the prophecy had anything to do with her new husband—she had no idea what awaited her in our future together. She studied the passages in the Bible where Abigail is mentioned, and even asked one or two people what they thought. Was God just giving her a pat on the head?

Caroline felt in her spirit that there was more to this prophecy, and took the counsel of others to continue praying for revelation—which she did for 12 years. Finally, in 2001, during the darkest days of our life, she received the revelation she had prayed for so long. In a moment when she most needed a word of encouragement from the Lord, and a reason for her hope, the Holy Spirit opened her eyes to the promise in that prophecy. She suddenly understood that God knew her suffering, He saw what she was enduring; she understood that her husband was like Nabal, a son of Belial; and she understood that God had not forsaken her to be the wife of a fool for the rest of her life. The Lord spoke to her heart that one day her Nabal was going to die, and in his place she would have a man after God’s own heart. This was a powerful revelation, especially because it was a word the Lord had given her long before she could possibly know she would need it. That served as an evidence to her of His sovereignty over the present troubles in her, and that strengthened and increased her faith.

But, there was more! There was much more to that prophecy than Caroline knew, and it would be 13 more years. She did not know there was more for her in that prophecy. She was not seeking Him for greater revelation. In fact, she had been ministering this word to women for many years, urging them hold fast in faith and continue to do what was right before God, despite their husband’s choices. Then, one Sunday in the Spring of 2014, we were visiting the very church where God had begun His great work in our lives, Exeter Assembly of God. Pastor Ernie Karjala began to preach, and Caroline could hardly believe her ears. It was a subject she had never heard preached on before—even though she had heard thousands upon thousands of sermons in her lifetime. Yes, to her amazement, Pastor Ernie began delivering a message on Abigail—not a message about David’s mercy or Nabal’s insubordination, but Abigail! She was the heroine of this sermon, and as he spoke he opened up the prophecy even more. He brought a deeper meaning to the story, addressing not just Abigail’s role with her old fool, but also her role in David’s life. It was an affirmation of Caroline’s choices in her dealings with me, and a timely confirmation of her ministry to women. I will not repeat Pastor Ernie’s message, but I will tell you that Caroline definitely got a pat on the head from God that day!

THE PROPOSAL
Never had Caroline ever wanted to renew our vows. I had actually suggested it for our 10th, and brought it up again for our 25th, but to her our vows still held. Our vows were something we lived everyday. They didn’t need to be repeated or renewed—forgiveness righted any violations. A wedding was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and there was nothing about our first wedding she wanted to change. So, I didn’t really know what to expect when I proposed to her. I started by walking her through all that had happened on that porch, explaining what the Holy Spirit had ministered to me and spoken to my heart. I finally told her that He had told me I was to propose to her and marry her again, if she would take me. I got down on one knee, as we were both crying, and asked her to marry me. She said, “Yes!”

Of course, we didn’t have much opportunity to discuss a wedding then, and as time passed Caroline began to think maybe it was better for that proposal to be strictly symbolic. It had been about a month since I proposed, and she had pretty much talked herself out of it between weighing the cost, mourning my Mother’s death, wondering what people would think, the busy-ness of this time of year, and you name it! So, when I reminded her we had a wedding to plan, I almost had to propose, again! It actually took some effort to convince her I was indeed serious, that there was to be another actual wedding, and that this was indeed God’s will that we take new vows. In the end, knowing it was God’s will was all she really needed to know. She broke the news to our daughter right away, before she got cold feet, and Hannah’s response truly sealed it in her heart. God was in this. Wedding planning commenced immediately!

CELEBRATE WITH US
We hope many of you will join on February 28th. There is much reason to celebrate, and we would be blessed to celebrate with you. We would greatly appreciate your RSVP (with total number of people attending), as this will assist us in planning. We want to have enough food and favors and programs, etc.

P.S.
Three resources we recommend for those in the battle:
Pure Life Ministries
Mastering Life Ministries
Covenant Eyes
Please, feel free to reach out to us, too. You don’t have to go through this alone.

God bless you all!
❤

Coping Isn’t a Bad Word

/ SaxophoneWife / 2 Comments
2014-07-28 10.50.47 (1)
Main Entry: 3cope
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): coped; cop·ing
Etymology: Middle English copen, coupen, from Anglo-French couper to strike, cut, from cop, colp blow, from Late Latin colpus,alteration of Latin colaphus, from Greek kolaphos buffet
Date: 14th century

intransitive verb 1 obsolete : strike, fight  2 a : to maintain a contest or combat usually on even terms or with success —used with with   b : to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties —often used with with <learning to cope with the demands of her schedule>  3 archaic : meet, encounter

Coping.  It’s a good word.  It means you’re trying. You haven’t given up. That counts!

You know, most of us have something in life we have to cope with, something that is testing us, confronting us. Problems and difficulties are just a sign of life.  Some days are easier than others. Some days are so much harder than we think we can bear! But, we don’t have win every battle to win the war.

We just have to stay in the fight. And, there’s something about that imagery that really works for me.

Blessings, dear friends!

❤️

Gregans, Again!

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I will be posting about the wedding under the tab above called, “Gregans, Again!” Check it out, and be sure to RSVP! I cannot exactly tell you what to expect, but I know there will be great music, amazing cake, and a wedding ceremony. I hope you’re there, too!

STD

2014 in Review

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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 820 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 14 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Rejected, Not Dejected*

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I have been thinking today about rejection and failure. They are experiences that seem to go hand-in-hand. When we are rejected, we feel that we have failed. We interpret the rejection as a statement against us: I’m not good enough. So, then, we try to be better. We work to please. We think there must be something we can do.

Well, I guess in some cases there is something we can do. We can practice more, or improve our credit score, or take a class. There could still be other reasons we are rejected, though. We have to be careful to not read too much into it. Sometimes, rejection is really a blessing. It might be preventing us from making a move we’ll really end up regretting. God can use rejection to keep us in His will. So, we have to take it all with prayer and grace. When our lives are in God’s hands, we can trust Him with everything that happens to us—even rejection.

Still, some rejection is pretty hard to accept. I’m thinking of the rejection we feel when we are in a relationship with someone we love and trust. It could be a friendship, a family member, or even our most intimate relationship: marriage. When that person suddenly turns us away, it’s very hard to know how to trust God with those feelings. We want that person to tell us why they have cast us out of their life. What did we do? Can we take it back? Can we have a second chance? We promise to try harder next time. I think it is almost impossible to take our love being rejected in stride.

I guess it’s so hard, because love isn’t supposed to be rejected. We might want to redefine a relationship. Maybe, some boundaries need to be established. That’s a good thing. That’s healthy for all concerned, and gives everyone something to work on. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean we might not have violated their trust. Maybe, they trusted us to keep our temper, or remember their birthday. Breaking trust doesn’t have to mean breaking relationship. It doesn’t have to mean rejecting love. It might just mean we are loved by someone who is still working on becoming the person they need to be, and isn’t there a chance we all fall into that category? Maybe, you always remember your manners, but maybe you do other things that aren’t so great.

I think there is a place for forgiveness in every relationship. You know, we all have our problems. God knows this, and I think that is why He writes so much in His Word about loving and forgiving, treating people the way we would want to be treated (if we were in their shoes). The Bible even tells us that when we bear with (put up with) a person who has fallen short from what is right, we are actually fulfilling the law of Christ for ourselves. That’s an amazing thing to me. Here is a passage from the Bible that speaks so clearly to this. It is irrefutable.

Galatians 6:1-5 (Amplified)

1) Brethren, if any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.

2) Bear (endure, carry) one another’s burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete what is lacking [in your obedience to it].

3) For if any person thinks himself to be somebody [too important to condescend to shoulder another’s load] when he is nobody [of superiority except in his own estimation], he deceives and deludes and cheats himself.

4) But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable [in itself alone] without [resorting to] boastful comparison with his neighbor.

5) For every person will have to bear (be equal to understanding and calmly receive) his own [little] load [of oppressive faults].

When you consider what the Word says, it does make it easier to see that a person who is rejecting you is actually the one with the problem. They may point at you and tell you that it’s all your fault, but the Bible says we’re not supposed reject each other for being flawed. The Bible says we are actually cheating ourselves. Imagine that!

I suppose this may not ease the pain you might be feeling, but I hope it will encourage you. I hope it helps you realize that you aren’t a failure. Yes, you have areas where you need to improve, but the Father loves you just as you are, and He won’t turn you away. He will help you become all He calls you to be, and will not leave you alone in that struggle. As for those dear people you love who have rejected you? Well, just because they won’t bear you, doesn’t mean you can’t bear them. Work on forgiving them, remember to pray for them, and don’t stop loving them in your heart. One day, the Lord may surprise you and bring restoration to relationships you thought were forever gone.

One last thought: we who have felt the sting of rejection do not stand alone. We have good company with the Lord, who is daily rejected, cursed, slandered, and hated. None of us have suffered as He did for our sake, so we cannot relate to Him. However, He can relate to us. In His loving embrace, the cutting wounds of rejection find comfort and healing. I urge you to turn to Him your sadness and pain.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. I hope and pray you get to share a table with people who love and accept you just the way you are today, and are willing to walk with you as you become all God intends for you. That will be a lot to be thankful for, don’t you think?

❤

Home Now

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

I have never been away from home for two months. It was a really long time for me, and sometimes it was pretty hard. But, you know how it is, right? When you believe you are doing the right thing, you keep your focus on the priority and press on. There’s just about nothing we cannot get through, if we have our eyes focused on the right priority.

Being there, though, was such a gift. Oh, my goodness! Through the goodwill of the family, God gave me the gift of all that time with my Mother-in-Law. I never expected this would happen, you know? I hoped for a chance, as I shared in a blog post earlier this year, but I never could have imagined such a generous gift. I am so grateful, and I hope and pray it was a blessing to her. It really was for me, as my one, last chance to show her how much I love her, and how much she meant to me.

I am home now, though. Everything that was on hold has fallen back into play, so there is a lot of work to do to catch-up, and keep-up. There is a potential for some real change in our life—we don’t know what, but we just feel like God can do anything He wants to with us. The Lord seems to be calling us to a season of just listening, one day at a time. Arizona was like a testing ground for this new (to us) way of following Him. He sure proved Himself, though, in ways that leave me in awe. Maybe, I’ll share all the behind-the-scenes stuff with you one day. Or, maybe, you’ll just have to take my word for it! 🙂

Being away, you always miss someone, or something. It is understandable that I missed things and people here, but I was in Arizona long enough to get used to certain things, and build new relationships there that really matter to me now. So, here are two short lists of things I missed, and things I will miss. A Top Ten, I guess.

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What I Missed 

  1. My family
  2. Having pets
  3. Friends
  4. My bed
  5. My garden
  6. Autumn leaves
  7. The First Snow!
  8. Family routines
  9. Good prices at the grocery store
  10. My way of eating

What I Miss Now

  1. My family there
  2. Marlene’s garden
  3. The dishwasher
  4. Cacti
  5. The caramel corn
  6. The use of a car
  7. The desert weather in late Autumn and Winter
  8. An awesome array of produce
  9. Having a laundry room
  10. Watching the quail with my morning coffee

It was 17 years since the last time I was in Arizona, but I don’t think I will be able to stay away for very long anymore. I am home now, but a part of me is always going to be there.

Stop Hating Fat

/ SaxophoneWife / 2 Comments

I sincerely try not to share any link to skin, but this is important.

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Today I read an article about the new Calvin Klein model. Her name is Myla Delbesio, and she is getting a lot of attention for being plus-sized. How plus-sized? She is a whopping size 10.

Yes, you read that right. Here is the article link, but to spare you any offense, I quote:

Booking an underwear campaign for such an iconic brand would be a coup for any model. But it’s especially notable for Dalbesio, who, at a size 10, is what the fashion industry would—still, surprisingly—call “plus size.” (“In fact, not so long ago plus size models were around size 10-12, but that number has recently shrunk to an 8,” said Cosmopolitan earlier this year, while PLUS Model concurs that models “between size 6 and size 14” are typically considered plus size.)

Pretty stunning, isn’t it? This model spent years abusing her body, just to get to a “straight size,” which means a size 0-6. After nine years, she has finally found acceptance for 42-inch hips. Hallelujah!

As crazy as this all sounds, it is all true. Women friends, be strong and be well. Thin? Well, if that’s your genetic disposition, you’ll just have to live with it. If you look through family photos, though, and see a lot of pudgy ladies, maybe those extreme efforts you are taking in order to be a “straight size” are really just compromising your future health and present contentment. It may be time to stop hating your fat, and start loving your life. Eat well and move your body as much as you can every day. Build all the muscle you can build, but stop the madness. This woman is news, because she is a size 10! The fashion gods of Calvin Klein deemed her good enough to sell their underwear. And, not even their “regular” underwear, mind you. This is how they describe it:

The Perfectly Fit line was created to celebrate and cater to the needs of different women, and these images are intended to communicate that our new line is more inclusive and available in several silhouettes in an extensive range of sizes.

Emphasis is all mine.

Ladies, something’s wrong here, and I think the answer is staring back at us in the mirror. You know, that full-length mirror. The one you keep trying to avoid. We can’t blame the menfolk for this. We have got to own our own compliance with a manufactured norm that was devised to build an industry that earns 40 billion dollars ($40,000,000,000!) a year off of our self-loathing.

Stop the madness, women! This is ridiculous. You have the power to say, “No! I refuse to believe this lie that says beauty is defined by a number.” If you don’t, nothing will change. If nothing changes, do you really think they’ll ever stop putting on the squeeze?

Listen, I know that number on the scale is a heartbreak for some of you. I understand. This is all you have ever known of your worth. It has always been determined by a number. I know women desperate to please their husbands who never stop reminding them they don’t add up. I totally get that. I live in America, too. But, because I live in America I know I have the freedom to change my thinking. I have the right to say, “No.” Wives, your weight is a matter between you and your doctor. If your husband cares that you aren’t taking care of your health, that’s another matter all together. Thank God for that man, and go for a walk. Just remember that a number on a scale cannot be the sole indicator of your health. Being fat does not mean being unhealthy. It means being FAT. Can fat lead to certain diseases? Well, yes, it can. So can breathing air. So can drinking booze. (Do we really want to go there?)

I may have gotten myself into a whole mess of trouble here, but I hear it too often. Women hating themselves, because they’re fat. Women occupying good brain space with Lose Those Fat Toes, or Five Secrets of Thin Nazis. It is time we begin to discern what is truth, and what is really just a massive attempt to distract us from living the life God has given us to live. Sisters, we will all stand before the Lord one day, and I can guarantee you there will not be a bathroom scale at His throne. The Lord will not calculate your BMI at the Pearly Gates.

Am I saying it is more holy to be fat? Absolutely not! I am just asking you to recognize the oppression of striving for a number on the scale, and to not let any number determine your worth. We have precious few days on this earth. None of us know the hour we will be called into His presence. Should we really be giving so much time, money, and effort to something that is most certainly of this earth?

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21, KJV)