Note: Did not mean to repost this, but for some reason the WP app unpublished things. I haven’t figured out what I’m doing wrong.

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A lot of trouble is introduced to our children through play, secret games. As careful as a parent may be, there eventually comes a time when their child goes to play at a friend’s house, or has a sleepover at church camp or a relative’s house. Maybe, it’s even a friend who comes over to play with them, right under your own roof. That was the case for me. Nothing at all feels threatening about the activity, yet our children sense something isn’t right. We adults need to know when our kids think something’s a little off, a little strange, because Satan and his demons are always burying landmines, hoping one will get triggered and bring death or destruction. With children, destroying innocence is one of his frequent objectives.

Sometimes, those violations of innocence come through other children who are acting out their own violations. This is one way an innocent child processes the hurt they’ve experienced, unwittingly victimizing another child—sometimes very seriously. However, most cases are brushed off as child’s play, and sometimes that is the case. However, sometimes it is a red flag that another child would never recognize, but an adult who’s paying attention might.

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MY STORY

She was a girl from our church who spent a few days at our house one summer—I think my Mother was babysitting. In real life we weren’t really friends, but in the church world every kid is your de facto friend, especially when your parents are the pastors.

Since I loved to play, and my sisters were out of the baby doll stage, I was happy to have a younger playmate. She seemed quiet and nice. We’d watch cartoons and play with dolls, and maybe make hobo sticks and pretend to run away. (I always wanted to be a hobo.) If she didn’t like that, I’d come up with something else. Finding something to play was never a problem for me.

Well, come to find out this girl had other games in mind. I thought her games were boring and very weird, but it turned out she was pushy and whiney. She had to have her way, and as the youngest in my family it didn’t take much to make me acquiesce. Plus, she was my guest. I had to let her pick some of the games, even if I did not like them. And, I did not. I did not think they were fun, and I did not like her bossiness. I was very glad when she went home. We moved at the end of that summer, so I never had to play with her, again.

Years later, I was a young mother volunteering with the Children’s Issues Conference when I learned about something called acting out. This is when a child who has been victimized acts out her abuse on another child. When I learned about this, I remembered that little girl and her strange and secret games. Now, I understood. I didn’t think about her, though, and what this meant for her. What had she gone through? When that memory revisited me this week—I have no idea why, but have to assume it was a work of the Holy Spirit—I began to see that little girl through my old lady eyes. I started to ask questions. What happened to her? Who hurt her? Oh, God, how is she doing? Is she okay? Did she get help? Did she find healing? Is it too late? What about her little brother? What happened to him?

I will probably never know the answer to these questions, but I started to ask other questions. What if my Mother had known about the games she wanted to play? Would my Mother have recognized what they were a symptom of, or would she have just scolded us both and told us to play Parcheesi? It never occurred to me to talk to my Mother about her games, but what if she had asked me if we’d played any new games? What if she had recognized this girl was acting out a trauma she had experienced? What if she had attended a Children’s Issues Conference? She would most certainly have intervened somehow. Maybe, it would have made all the difference in that little girl’s life.

AN INSPIRED QUESTION

As I have been thinking about all of this these past several days, I have thought about my grandbabies. My daughter hated when I asked her, “So, what did you and Polly do?” I could have never learned anything by asking that question. How about her kids? Will they be eager to run down a list of all they did at their first sleepover? Today’s children are not only acting out what they may have experienced, but what they may have been taught in school or watched on their own cell phones. Sexual content is confronting our children at home, at school, at the library, and even at the hospital. Today our children actually face the risk of being groomed by another child for sex trafficking. I know that sounds extreme—I really wish it was—but children are facing a depth of depravity most of us could never imagine.

So, with all of this harsh reality swirling in my mind, I had an inspired thought. It was an idea that just dropped into my head, and made so much sense to me. I really think it was an inspiration from the Holy Spirit, so if it ever bears good fruit, He gets the credit. If it’s a dumb idea that is remembered no more, I’ll take the blame.

Here’s the big question, asked with a relaxed and happy tone; wide open ears and eyes—open to all those silent cues your children give you: Did you play any new games?

A simple question, but it’s a question that could ferret out something that to your child was just a weird or boring game, yet in reality was a predator’s grooming or a victim’s acting out. You see, I think most children know when something isn’t quite right, so they hesitate to tell us the truth in fear that they might get in trouble. If we start asking this question early, no matter who they’ve spent time with—they will learn early that Mom or Dad are just always going to ask, because they seem to always be on the look-out for fun, new games. They won’t think twice about telling you they made homemade parachutes with Poppa and jumped form the deck, or that Sunday School friend showed them a movie with naked people. When kids don’t think we’re suspicious, they aren’t afraid of getting in trouble. And, when we establish a habit of “debriefing” after any visit away, they not only learn this is normal, but they may even look forward to telling you about something “weird” that happened. “When the bottle landed on us, we were supposed to go in the closet. Junie and Roger and me thought that was dumb. So, we went in the other room and played Parcheesi.” )That was literally me, by the way, at a youth group party in junior high. I had no idea what was supposed to happen in the closet. I always thought Spin the Bottle was like an anti-game. LOL)

DID YOU PLAY ANY NEW GAMES?

Talk to your kids. Be the person they are the most comfortable talking to, no matter what it is they have to say. Yes, it’s wonderful if they have other adults they confide in, but be sure they know they can tell you anything. They won’t learn that, because you tell them. They’ll learn that, because you don’t overreact—some exceptions allowed. It might make you shake in your boots with rage, but you’re a grown-up. You can control yourself and listen, asking those leading questions, For example, “That sounds weird, right?” “What did you think about that?” “Were you surprised Marnie did that?”

Your kids don’t have to know everything that’s going on inside you (Well, that’s the last time she goes to Sandy’s house…), but it does give you an opportunity to acknowledge their good choices, and suggest better ways for them to handle a hard situation. “You did the right thing, but remember: you can always call us, any time. Next time you feel uncomfortable there, just tell Sandy you aren’t feeling well, and we’ll come pick you up.”

Talking with our kids, coaching them through life’s highs and lows, is our great privilege as parents. And, I do believe this simple question is a good place to start. In the end, you may be doing more than guarding your own; you may be saving another.

Blessings to you and yours! ❤

If you go to the RZIM.org website, you can read a report on the illicit behavior of Ravi Zacharias.

Admittedly, no one wants to read this report. Some may think it’s wrong to read it, or even talk about it. I understand. Trust me: this has been extremely difficult for me. I take no pleasure in writing about this. I have cried over this report. It is devastating. Whether one received from this man’s ministry or not, to know a leader in our faith was the worst kind of man possible is devastating. He appeared on the world stage, representing Christ—or so we thought—for us all. He defended our faith before world leaders, and we rejoiced.

Now, we mourn. We weep. We cry out in real pain—we have been betrayed! We trusted him. We shared his videos, bought his books, and gave to his ministry. We thought he was not only a man of God’s Word, but a man of his word! Instead, we have learned he was a master charlatan. He was an actor. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing—a monster! He denied his actions, and falsely accused his victims, even bringing a false defamation lawsuit against one. We know he was still receiving images from his victims at least up until February of 2020, three months before his death. So, there is no appearance, nor evidence, of contrition. One may only hope that before he breezed his last repented and confessed his sentence Period

We must pause from our own pain, though, and remember the women he victimized in person: his wife, his daughters, and the countless women he used for his personal gratification. I will not enumerate these evil deeds—at least those we know of—because the report submitted by Miller & Martin, the law firm RZIM hired to investigate the allegations, does an adequate job. However, I will tell you that his actions were all for his own pleasure, and there was no price he would not pay. Only God knows how many ministry dollars he used to satisfy his longings. He had a charitable fund established expressly for this purpose! Without accountability, he could spend this money on anyone he chose. What this fund did not cover, he would submit as an expense. The ministry paid for everything.

Let me be clear about something: Ravi was not a man with uncontrollable urges, an addict, for example. No. He was a predator. He was a planner. He picked his victims fully knowing that it would take time to gain their trust, win their hearts, and manipulate their will.

One perfect illustration of this is a series of photos found on one of his phones. They cover an 18-month-long period of time, starting with a photo of himself with the young woman in a hotel lobby. One can easily imagine this young lady feeling so proud to have her picture taken with a the great Ravi Zacharias. Over time, the woman sends him pictures that graphically illustrate his abuse. First she sends him ordinary selfies, but as the months pass she acquiesced to his demands and the photos became increasingly suggestive and immodest, concluding with a pornographic video of herself.

This is not just sexual sin, dear friends. This is not a lapse of judgment. This man is the Jeffrey Epstein of Christian apologists! Who knew that sentence could ever be written? This is inconceivable, yet, the evidence is plain to see. He was intentional. This was malice aforethought. The report proves that.

Personally, I will be processing this for a long time. There are many things here that need to be considered—not the least of which is why didn’t his wife stop him? As the wife of a husband in the ministry (a husband who is a former sex addict, for the record), the only way I can believe his wife did not stop him is because she misunderstood her role as her husband’s helpmeet. That’s very possible. And, honestly, I would rather believe she was a victim of false teaching, then believe that she knew and did not stop him.

However, people within the ministry did know something was going on, and they did not stop him. In fact, some defended and excused him. Those who dared to speak up were ostracized, or “sent to Siberia,” as one described it. They would be met with his wrath. People have asked what should happen to the ministry, and I say any conversation about RZIM continuing should end quickly. They failed to hold themselves accountable, And that resulted in countless acts of wickedness—some even committed in the name of Jesus!

And, what of the many, many other ministers with whom he was in a relationship? Did none of them discern that something was wrong with their “brother”? We do not know when this behavior began, but we do know it was going on for at least the last 16 years of his life. That is a very long time. Their silence leaves me very troubled.

You know, I only learned of this report about 24 hours ago. Earlier on Monday, I was having a conversation with one of my sisters. We were talking about the wickedness in our government, and I told her that I believed we would be seeing things uncovered in the church next. I said that we have always seen ministers called out for immoral behavior, but that I believed there would be larger things revealed, perhaps within denominations or organizations. You cannot imagine my horror, when my husband notified me of this report only a few hours after that conversation with my sister. Who will be next?

What have we become, friends? I am so disgusted by this fraud of a man of God, but I am more concerned about my own life. I am more concerned about what wood, hay, and stubble I am carting with me to heaven. Am I living an authentic, Christian life? Will I have any precious gems to lay at my Savior’s feet? Will I have any holy treasure to present my King? Will my life have been worthy of the cost He paid? This, for me, is how I begin to process the wickedness that this man left us as his inheritance. If nothing else, let us all examine ourselves. One day, we will all stand before God. This is a good day to examine our lives and our choices.

With much love for you, because still, somehow, Jesus loves me, too. ❤