The Christian Life

When Mercy Seasons Justice

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

This monologue came to mind the other day.  I cannot get it out of my mind, so I decided to share it. The words are so beautiful.

In case you aren’t familiar with the scene, Portia has disguised herself as a lawyer, in order to advocate for her husband. She is speaking to Shylock, who is demanding a pound of flesh to repay his debt.

Of course, plays are meant to be heard, especially Shakespeare. I think Laura Carmichael does a lovely job.

Such good words to remember.

The quality of mercy is not strained

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
‘Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The thronèd monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptered sway.
It is enthronèd in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute to God Himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God’s
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this:
That in the course of justice none of us
Should see salvation. We do pray for mercy,
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea,
Which, if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentence ‘gainst the merchant there.

— Portia, in William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice, Act 4, Scene 1.

 

Be Free

/ SaxophoneWife / 3 Comments

It hit the morning after the memorial, and I began to dwell on it. Meditate on it. The What Ifs and If Onlys descended upon me like a crushing weight. Nights became days, because I could not sleep. My head would hit the pillow and my mind would become instantly flooded with unwelcome thoughts that came to life in my mind’s eye. There were times I could feel Panic and Anxiety breathing down my neck, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.

The Holy Spirit made repeated efforts to alert me to the dangers that lay before me, the risk I was taking as I followed after Grief. The Saxophone Player prayed for me, talked with me, listened to me, encouraged me from the Word, and reminded me of those glorious truths I was ignoring.

There were moments when even I became concerned for myself. I felt Grief clutching at my throat and robbing my breath. I couldn’t turn away from it, though; I couldn’t reject it. I just kept yielding to Grief. Gone can be a very overwhelming word, and the Enemy convinced me that Grief would keep my Mother with me. It would keep her from being gone.

So, I meditated on my sadness, my loss, and my heartache. Day after day, night after night. I had made Grief an idol: I placed it on the throne of my heart, and allowed it to rule over me.

We are all susceptible to this temptation—the temptation to exalt something in our life to the status of idolatry. It doesn’t matter who we are, or how long we’ve walked with the Lord, either. If there is anything in our lives that Satan can use to fashion an idol, he will—and, he will use it to bring separation between us and God.

The Holy Spirit was there with me throughout that season—thank You, Lord! After three months (was it four?) of worshiping at the altar of Grief, I finally heeded the voice of the Holy Spirit. He helped me realize what I was doing, the deception of the Enemy that I had submitted to, and the ultimate end Satan had in store for me.  I stopped dead in my tracks and prayed, repented, received God’s forgiveness, and turned around. I never looked back. I received my deliverance, and held onto it as the great treasure it is—won for me by Christ at the cross of Calvary.

Oh, yes, I still miss my Mother. How can I not? A day doesn’t pass, without me wishing she was still here. I will always miss her, remember her, and look forward to seeing her, again.  However, I will never again entertain the idol of  Grief. I will never again forget that her work here was finished, but mine is not. I must be busy about the Master’s business.

Beware of idolatry, friends. It supplants God’s will and purpose. It contradicts God and and all He has done for us. Whether our idol is our emotions, our illness, our brokenness, our prosperity, our loss, our health, our family—we know it has become an idol, because it takes precedence over obedience to God. Deliverance from idolatry is free, though.

Be free.

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”
Psalm 50:15 (NKJV)

 

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Building A Case Against God

/ SaxophoneWife / 2 Comments

Every hero of the faith has had to make an ultimate choice to trust God with everything. They had to be willing to risk it all—their dreams, their fortune, their health, their reputation, their very life.

Consider the choices these heroes of the faith had to make:

  • Esther’s willing to enter the King’s chambers.
  • Daniel’s refusal to bow.
  • Abigail falling to her face before David.
  • Mary accepting the words of Gabriel.
  • Noah preparing the wood for an ark.
  • Elisabeth Elliot staying in the jungle with her toddler.
  • Ruth laying at Boaz’s feet.
  • Gladys Aylward riding that Siberian train alone.
  • Stella Cooper flying to Cuba without the money for a return ticket.
  • Moses returning to his adoptive home with a divine command.
  • George Mueller taking in that first orphan.
  • David Wilkerson standing up in that NYC courtroom.

I could go on and on! Thank God for the many examples we have to follow of men and women of God choosing to trust the Lord. They each had to decide if they were truly going to live for God, or for themselves. Because they chose to surrender to the Lord’s call, God’s will was done.

Now, most of us would never count ourselves in the same category as any of the men and women listed above, these giants of the faith. In fact, we may even look at them and be thankful that God would never require of us what He required of them.

Yet, history proves that thinking to be very wrong. The fact is that God absolutely calls us all to live a life of that kind of surrender and faith. It’s not like high school, where only college-bound students had to take a third science or extra-curricular activity. There are no “AP” Christians.

Of course, we all have a different call on our life. We aren’t all meant to serve in China. That point of decision for us may not be a matter of life and death—though it might feel like it. Whatever that thing that God is asking of us, that place of surrender He brought us to,  is hard enough. We know it is the course that God has set for us. We know deep down. We may not understand how it’s part of His plan, His perfect will, but we know. And, something keeps us from surrendering. We allow our flesh—our unbelief, fear, pride, something—to crowd out our faith and obedience.

When we resist the call to surrender, something horrible happens. We find ourselves in a place outside of God’s will. We find ourselves in a place of compromise. We are not eternally separated from God, but we have rejected Him. We have disobeyed. We try to convince ourselves that we can reach the same destination by following our own map, but that will not go well for us. How can it go well?

And, some of us are going to blame God, when things go poorly. We are going to accuse Him of not answering prayer, of not providing, of not hearing, of not healing, of not loving. These incidents will each then become a piece of evidence in our secret case against God. Each failure convinces us that we were right to not trust Him with “that other thing.”

I’m sorry to say it, but things will get worse. That place where we have failed to surrender is going to be a constant stumbling block for us. The longer we stay on this course, the sooner we will find ourselves falling into sin. We don’t want to fall into sin. We don’t want to fall away from God. Yet, what else could possibly happen? We’ve chosen to not follow Him, to not trust Him.  Our rebellion against His will is compromising our spiritual intimacy with Him. We just cannot obey God in part, you see? But, we will take offense at that biblical truth. In fact, we will find more and more in the Bible with which to take offense, pulling ourselves further and further away from the Lord.

We have not yet lost faith in Christ, but we will become Christians who proclaim Him with their words, but whose actions and reactions deny Him. They will tell the true story.

The days will pass on.

Each time something we imagine should happen doesn’t happen, each time the things we believe God should be doing aren’t done, we will have more evidence in our file—one more charge we raise against God.

As our heart inevitably grows colder, we will become more and more convinced that God cannot be trusted at all.

Our case against Him grows.

It doesn’t have to keep growing, though.

We can repent.

It’s easy to do.

After all, God wants us to be in right standing with Him. The Holy Spirit has not stopped reminding us of our need to surrender, no matter how much we try to ignore Him. Am I right? God helps us obey Him. He’ll even help us make-up lost time.

My mother used to say that there was no more miserable person in the world than the person who had rejected God’s will, ignored His call. It’s a call you can’t unhear, you see? You can only run from it, like Jonah.

Thankfully, God’s mercy is constant and follows us, just as it followed Jonah. He pursues us, reminding us of His call.

“Then I said, ‘O Lord, you have rejected me and cast me away. How shall I ever again see your holy Temple?’ I sank beneath the waves, and death was very near.

“The waters closed above me; the seaweed wrapped itself around my head. I went down to the bottoms of the mountains that rise from the ocean floor.

“I was locked out of life and imprisoned in the land of death. But, O Lord my God, you have snatched me from the yawning jaws of death!

“When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord. And my earnest prayer went to you in your holy Temple.” Jonah 2:4-7

Jonah knew all along that he was wrong, but it took a hellish experience to bring him to repentance. And, surrender. Reading his story, we see the proof that God does accept us in our worst place of rebellion. And, He DOES help us make up lost time. He does help us accomplish that which He called us to do.

If you can identify with this at all, if you have that secret file of accusations against God that pull out with each disappointment, I pray you will not wait a minute longer to repent and surrender. Sometimes, there are people who refuse. Their flesh is strong from so many years of feeding it and exercising it. They are not easily humbled. We can pray not to be that way. We can pray and ask God to spare us from having to learn the really hard way—like in the depths of the sea and the belly of a great fish. We can ask the Holy Spirit to humble us. We can ask Him to help us repent. To show us how we need to repent. And, we can ask Him to help us obey.

If we wait until we feel like it, until we’re “feeling it,” we’ll be sorry. Repentance and surrender are not acts of our feelings, but of our will. Don’t will yourself into a deeper, darker place. Throw out that case against God. Drop those false charges against Him. Admit your disobedience, and choose obedience now.

God bless you all.
❤️

Six Months

/ SaxophoneWife / 2 Comments

In the winter of Hannah’s 5th grade year, a fellow PTA mom invited me to join a Bible study she attended. I agreed to join her. Our church did not have a women’s Bible study, and I knew my spiritual life was in rough shape. Plus, I felt ashamed to reject her invitation. The Bible study was only once a week, but it was one of the hardest commitments I ever made.

You see, each time I walked into that church, I felt as if I was walking through the hallway naked—heart, mind, and soul exposed. I cannot think of another time in my life I have ever felt so uncomfortable. You would think I’d have recognized this as the Holy Spirit’s conviction, an evidence of my sinful heart, but I was deeply deceived. I had fully given myself over to vain and selfish pursuits.

It started very sincerely. I had such good motives. We were living in a small town on the New England seacoast, and I loved it there. My little family had a very nice life. There were no private, Christian schools close by, so we enrolled Hannah in the public schools and I became a frequent volunteer.  As a stay-at-home mom, I had the time to give, so I gave many hours to the PTA. I worked hard and that dedication eventually made a place for me in the PTA Mom’s clique. That led to my being asked to become Co-President, and I was delighted. 

I rather enjoyed being a big fish in a little pond, and the little bit of power and influence I yielded felt like a well-deserved reward. I said it was all about the children—especially my own—but I was deceiving myself. The truth was, I was an embittered wife and the PTA was a way I could make things all about me.

While I worked so hard to improve the school for everyone else’s children, my own daughter was neglected. How many nights did I leave her and Doug at home, because I had an important meeting to attend? How many vacation days did Doug spend on PTA work days? I hate to think how much money and how many hours I spent. There was just enough “success” from one month to the next to keep me thinking it was all worth it.

Then, something happened. Something very unexpected.

It was in April of Hannah’s 5th-grade year. I was sitting in a circle with the other ladies in that Bible study, Bibles and folders on our lap, when the leader asked a question that hadn’t been in our study notes. She asked us to just say the first thing that came to mind, without analyzing the question or our answer.

Now, before I share her question, I want to ask you to do the same. Don’t think; don’t analyze. Just say the first thing that comes to mind.

Her question was:

“What would you do, if you knew for sure that Jesus Christ was coming (the Rapture of the church) in six months?”

Even today, seventeen-and-a-half years later, thinking about that moment makes me emotional. I remember it so clearly. This was my answer: 

“I would support my husband’s ministry.”

What? 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing myself say. Didn’t I already support him? Hadn’t I encouraged him in everything he did for the Lord? It’s not as tough he was called to full-time ministry. How much support did he need?

I hate to say this, but I just didn’t get it. I prayed a prayer of some description before the Bible study finished, committing myself to at least meditating on what this meant, but my prayer was a lot of blah, blah, blah. I went home and went back to work, with the PTA still my priority.  In fact, our biggest events of the year were still coming up.

By June, the Bible study had ended for the summer, and Hannah would soon be promoted to the junior high. PTA elections were held, and I was asked to continue my work. The vote was unanimous, and I made sure there would be no more co- in my title. Why did we need two co-presidents, when I did all the work? Honestly, if I had asked to be called the Queen of the PTA, they would have probably agreed, because I had elevated the PTA. People kept telling me it had been the best year anyone could recall—the most events, the most funds raised, the most accomplishments. The Superintendent and School Board respected me. Teachers appreciated me. Principals feared me. Parents depended on me. 

And, then something happened. Something very unexpected.

I woke up on a lovely, warm and sunny day, and couldn’t speak. I could barely swallow. I went to bed perfectly well, there had been no signs of illness. Yet, I woke-up sicker than I could remember ever being. The doctor said it was an “extreme case” of strep throat. No one else in my circle had strep, or even knew someone with it. Nonetheless, there I was, sick as a dog. It was time for the final event of the year, an event I’d been planning for and looking forward to for over a year, the biggest production of the year, and something no one else had even done there: a Volunteer Appreciation Banquet. Everything was coming together beautifully. I’d made all of the thank you gifts. Food had been arranged. Beautiful invitations were designed by yours truly, and mailed in envelopes I’d addressed myself. The big event was just days away, but I was completely derailed.

I don’t know why*, but knew God had something to do with what was happening. For almost two weeks, I sat in bed silent. I couldn’t even whisper. I had to turn all the plans for my big event over to my co-president. She’d call with questions, and I’d write the answers down for Doug to tell her for me. I couldn’t believe what was happening. The grand finale of my year, and I wouldn’t even be able to attend. I wasn’t going to get my victory lap. 

But, during that silence, God finally got me to stop and listen. And, He spoke one simple thing to me.

“Come home.”

Despite my sinful heart, I did fear God. I knew not to disobey a direct order. The instruction was simple, but I knew what it meant.

Once my voice returned (almost the day after the banquet), I resigned from the PTA. I was actually very thankful to make my exit, and never missed it.

Homeschooling was also an very easy transition to make. We were committed to keeping Hannah connected to her school friends, and she seemed excited about the prospect of being an independent learner.

Supporting my husband’s ministry was the one thing I wasn’t sure how to do, but within a week’s time I would learn that the struggle he’d confessed after our tenth anniversary debacle had not been overcome. In fact, I began to see that Satan was aiming for his heart, trying to take away not just his victory, but his very life. My husband needed me, and I was going to begin learning how to pray for him and love him through the spiritual battle that was waiting right around the corner.

*Actually, I do know why, now that I have written this: it was the peace I felt about it all. I wasn’t angry or fretting. I was resigned in my heart. I knew I had brought this upon myself, because I had not been heeding the Holy Spirit all winter and spring, as He had tried to get me to see my sinfulness and selfishness. I was walking in rebellion, but His mercy stopped me in my tracks. Thank You, Jesus!

Being His Help Meet

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:11)

There is a lot that can be said of spiritual accountability. There are a lot of ways we find accountability within the Body of Christ: between pastor and congregant, between co-laborers, between fellow church members—to name but a few. There are formal accountability relationships, and there is that more casual accountability we expect from everyone within the Body. It’s a huge topic, with lots of room for discussion, debate, and disagreement.

However, I am limiting the focus here to one accountability relationship that exists for every married*, Christian couple: the spiritual accountability between a husband and wife. More to the point, the responsibility a wife has before God to hold her husband accountable to the Word of the Lord. We are not to be one another’s correctional officers, and we are not to be the Holy Spirit’s conviction (not that we could be), but we do have an accountability before God for the one whom the Lord says should safely trust in us.

IN THE BEGINNING

I think it is vitally important to the Body of Christ—to every Christian marriage—that wives walk in the vital role God has given them: being a help meet for their husband. In fact, I believe many broken marriages, as well as much of the spiritual compromise in the church today, can be traced back to wives who neglected this responsibility.

Pardon me, while I duck for cover.

I realize that on the surface my statements may sound harsh or unfair. It will probably sound especially cruel and unkind to the wife who is suffering under the burden of her husband’s habitual sinfulness. However, one should not presume I hold a wife responsible for her husband’s choice to sin against God. Never. Perish the thought! He is a freewill agent. However, too many women raise their hands in despair at the thought of their husband’s transgressions. They play the role of victim, instead of walking in the role Christ has given them. They lament his sin, but are unwilling to rise up like Abigail to stop them. And, honestly, I don’t blame the modern, Christian woman. Who has ever preached a sermon on Abigail, except Ernie Kajala? Who is talking to wives about being a help meet? It sounds like something straight out of the 17th century. Who believes in help meets anymore? Well, I do. It’s the first calling God gave to women, and He is still calling wives to be help meets today.

This subject is so much bigger than this blog post can handle, so I will only touch on one aspect of being a help meet: accountability.  I hope I will be able to share enough to exhort and encourage any Christian wife who may be reading this, looking for a way to help her struggling husband—or, just striving to be a more godly wife. God has entrusted wives with a very important role to play in their husband’s lives, but He has also given them tremendous power with which to do it.  I truly believe that any wife who will embrace the responsibility of being a help meet to her husband will see her life, husband, marriage, and family transformed for the glory of God. Truly, we ignore this aspect of being his help meet at our own peril. It may be his spiritual life, but it is our marriage. Our family. Our life. Do you want to lose it, or are you willing to do whatever it takes to save it?

IN HIS OWN WORDS

We have all seen the woman standing beside her husband at the podium, listening as he confesses to the world his transgressions. Often, these are political couples, but there have been far too many ministry couples in that very same position. Of such scandals in recent history, one ministry couple stands out to me, and the wife’s words are telling.

I am speaking of Ted and Gayle Haggard. In 2005, Time magazine called Ted Haggard one of the most influential evangelical Christians in the country, but a year later he would face the pain and shame of having his secret life brought into the light.

It wasn’t only his secret life on display, though. The eyes of the world were focused on her husband, but I was only paying attention to her. The wife. I watched her. I waited to see what she would do. While some pitied her, feeling indignant on her behalf, I asked, “Didn’t she know? How could she not? Why didn’t she do anything about it?”

In a televised interview** three years after the headlines broke the news of his hidden life to the world, Brother Ted shared that he had prayed repeatedly for God to do whatever it took to stop him from continuing down this road. He says he promised God: “Never again.”

In reading the article written about the interview, it is clear our Brother was in a hard battle. He came into marriage sexually broken by abuse from his childhood, but his efforts to seek spiritual counsel never addressed that brokenness.

Does the abuse from his childhood excuse his sinful choices? Absolutely not. Did the fact his attempts to seek help lead nowhere pardon his guilt? No. Brother Ted broke the laws of man and God. And, the consequence of his sinful choices brought a tremendous amount of trouble to his family and to the Christian church.

IN HER OWN WORDS

Ted Haggard’s story isn’t an original. We’ve heard it over, and over, and over. Unfortunately, his wife’s story is familiar, too.

In the same interview, and in a subsequent interview*** conducted after her book, Why I Stayed, was published, Gayle Haggard said she had known of her husband’s struggle since early in their marriage, but “assumed” it was under control.

When Ted confesses his guilt to her, after the news broke, she said, “I can’t think of anything that would have been a greater shock.”

Where was the accountability!?

I actually think Ted and Gayle would appreciate my using them as an example, because I believe they know there was a breakdown of accountability in their relationship. At least that is what is indicated in things I have read. I do not know them personally, but I believe Gayle when she describes herself as naive. I would say most wives are probably just as naive. She said he had told her about a non-contact, sexual encounter with another man, but she had not understood the gravity of what he was saying.

Honestly, my heart goes out to my Sister. She was a bride in the ’80’s. There was little to no ministry for anyone struggling with sexual brokenness in the 1980’s. Who could they have gone to for help? She says she prayed for her husband, and went on with life. This was after the birth of the third of their five children. She had a lot on her plate. Holding her husband accountable wasn’t something she even considered.

And, it should be noted, anyone living with a habitual sin is going to become a very good liar. The strength of their ability to deceive others is what allows their behavior to continue for so long.

IN MY OWN WORDS

Doug and I moved back to the East Coast just in time to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in the city where we were married, Boston, Massachusetts. We couldn’t afford to stay at the same hotel we had stayed in for our honeymoon, but I found a very good substitute. I was so excited. A weekend away with the love of my life in the city of our dreams. It couldn’t get any better for me.

Yet, for Doug, it seemed things couldn’t be any worse. I kept feeling like I had to cheer him up, prod him on. He didn’t seem very happy. I didn’t understand. In truth, this was how he was normally, but I thought on our 10th anniversary, away in Boston, staying in this really cool place, that he’d be a little happier.

I wouldn’t find out that weekend, but soon after I learned the reason behind his bad mood, behind all of his bad moods, and the night he finally explained was a very long and painful one. It was the night my husband confessed he had been living in secret sin.

Like Gayle, I had known of his struggles. I knew very well. And, like Gayle, I “assumed” that since his last “confession” everything was fine. I didn’t know I had a responsibility to hold my husband spiritually accountable. I didn’t even understand what that meant.

Instead of seeing my part in his failure, I got mad. I cried. I yelled. I accused. I threatened. I did everything wrong. Especially, when dealing with someone in addiction and brokenness. I didn’t know better, that’s for sure. I had a few lessons to learn. Yet, the worst thing about it all was that I lacked the spiritual strength to stand against the Enemy’s assault. I was so compromised in my own walk that faith could not rise up. Friends, it is much easier to point a finger of blame, than it is to conduct a rescue mission when our husband has sailed off course. It takes real spiritual muscle to grab someone out of the grip of sin.

As I said earlier, we are not one another’s correctional officers, and we are not to be the Holy Spirit’s conviction, but we should be making a deep, spiritual investment in the lives of the one whom the Lord has brought us into the most intimate of relationships. That spiritual investment is vital, if we are going to be able to support them as a help meet. It is also the groundwork we must lay, before we can hold our husband’s accountable.

BIBLICAL ACCOUNTABILITY

Someone on Twitter shared a list of rules a girlfriend has written up for her boyfriend. It was a very strict list of things he could not do, she would not do, and he had to do. I read it and felt sorry for any man who would submit to that kind of woman. Everything on her list was born from fear—fear he would be unfaithful, fear she wasn’t good enough, fear of being mistreated, etc. It was really sad. I felt sorry for her, too.

Trying to hold our husbands accountable by controlling them is not biblical accountability. Controlling your husband’s behavior will not help him become a godly man, or bring him freedom from sin. It won’t bring the fearful wife peace of mind, either. She is counting on herself, not God. That’s a fatal mistake. If we are not willing to give God control, we are denying His sovereignty over our lives and our marriage. We are hindering our husband’s spiritual growth.  We are denying the fact that he has an independent relationship with God, and that God loves him much more than we do—He has much more invested in him, and is much more wanting him to walk in righteousness. The controlling behavior is born out out of fear, and where fear rules faith cannot. I tell wives they don’t have to trust their husbands, but they do have to trust God. For most of us, we just are not walking close enough to the Lord for the job He has given us as help meet. Wives want the fix to all be on his side. He’s the one with the problem. He’s the one who needs help who needs to change. Well, he’s the one you married, sweetheart. And, God custom made you to be his help meet.

Accountability is important in our house. We believe we need to hold one another accountable, and as Christians we hold each other accountable to the Word of God. The Bible is our standard. And, that’s challenging! After I learned of this secret life of sin Doug lived, the first thing God told me to do was to minister to him. Minister to him? But, God, I’m the victim. I’m the one hurting here. God saw things differently, and I had a choice: see it God’s way, or try to go it on my own.

Well, I knew I couldn’t go it on my own. And, I feared disobeying God. The Bible is very clear that we are to obey God, so there was no way I could ignore His directive.

I don’t like that my husband came into marriage with sexual brokenness, and I have failed 500,000 times at being a godly help meet to him. However, the times I have been able to serve him well have only brought a blessing to my life, my marriage, and my family. More importantly, though, he is a transformed man. He is not the man I celebrated ten years of marriage with, and he’s not even the man I married again after 26 years. Years and years ago, God gave me a vision of who the Saxophone Player was called to be, and I have seen that vision come to life. That has been God’s work in his life, and his yielding to the Potter’s hand, but I know I have played a small part in who he is today. I am so thankful for a God who takes the broken and makes them whole. It is a process that will likely take our entire life on earth, and still not be completed until Heaven, but we must remember this life on earth is fleeting. As long as it might be, it is only a blink of the eye compared to the eternity we have before us. We must also remember that God is using our husbands to perfect Himself in us. Not every wife will marry a man with the same challenges, but every wife is still called to help her husband meet God’s expectations for his life. He may be a dandy fellow with no secret sin, but is he serving God in his community? Is he leading his family as the priest of his home? Is he laying up treasures in Heaven, or only on earth? Or, is he so busy working for the Lord he is not caring well for his relationships with his children, or family? I don’t know your husband, I don’t know God’s call on his life, but you do. As his wife, the Lord has entrusted you with this responsibility. Embrace it. He will help you accomplish it. He will help you learn to surrender to Him and walk closer to Him and trust Him more than what you see with your own eyes.

LET’S REVIEW

  1. Christian wives are called to be their husband’s help meet.
  2. Part of being his help meet means holding him accountable to God’s Word.
  3. We must have a strong, intimate relationship with the Lord in order to do this.
  4. Faith must rule us, not fear.
  5. Seeing our husbands surrendered and submitted to the control of the Holy Spirit should be our objective, not trying to control them ourselves.
  6. God cares about our husbands more than we do, and has a much more vested interest in his victory over sin.
  7. It takes obedience to serve our husbands as their help meet. God will equip us and lead us in doing this, if we will obey Him

I pray God bless any wife who is reading this. God will lead you and help you as you seek to obey Him in being a help meet to your husband.

*There are some important relevant differences between married and unmarried Christian couples where spiritual accountability is concerned, but that is a subject for another post.

**On January 31, 2009, Ted and Gayle Haggard were interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. LINK

***In January 2010, Gayle Haggard was interviewed again by OprahWinfrey. LINK

We’re Not Only Human

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

As I was putting dinner in the oven tonight (roast chicken, in case you were wondering), I began to reconsider sharing this post. I fear people being offended. I fear people thinking the wrong thing. But, the Holy Spirit nudged me along. Keep going, Caroline. This isn’t for you.

That means it might be for you.

Oy.

I’m challenged by this call. Sometimes, more than other times. However, there’s no turning back. I mean, frankly, Doug and I have had that conversation more than once. Each time, we know. We know before the conversation even begins. I suppose that’s why we find ourselves seeking the Lord for confirmation about once a year: Are we really in Your will, Lord? Did we really hear You right? Even though this happened, and that happened, and this one is mad at us, and we screwed up over here?

It has been a long summer. Doug and I look at each other some times with a weariness that is really almost comical. Last week, one our leaders was sharing a prayer need, and then he suddenly stopped and said, “You know, this ministry is just really hard.” I started laughing. Pretty soon, another leader was laughing with me. Yeah! It’s HARD. You put your whole heart out there, just to have people smash it in your face. You pick up the pieces, pray for them, and go back and do it, again. Love, acceptance, and forgiveness rule the day. Day after day after day. We trust God has our back, and He always does. One day, we hope, we’ll get to stand in His presence and find out we did at least one thing right.

In January of 2005, our first Winter on this mission field, the Holy Spirit gave me a sort of vision. This was a critical time for us. We had been living by faith for only a short time, and New Brother’s Fellowship had only just begun. Yet, we were really in a hard place financially. It was embarrassing. I’d never seen my refrigerator and cupboards so empty. Every day, I would ask the Lord to help me make a meal for my family, and every day He did, but it was hard for me. I’d been living a pretty cushy life, until then. 

We described our life back then as though the Holy Spirit had said, “Do you see that cliff?”

Yes, Lord.

“Well,” He’d replied, “I want to go right to the edge.”

Oh, that’s scary, but OK, Lord. We’ll do it. We made our way to that edge, faith-filled, and even eager to have this chance to respond to such a specific call on our lives. Putting our fears behind us, we made it right to the edge and breathed a deep sigh of relief. We smiled at one another, even felt a bit accomplished. Squeezed each other’s hands. We did it!

Then, the Holy Spirit completed His instructions.

“OK. Great, Doug and Caroline. Thank you. You’re in the right position now to do what I’m asking you to do.”

But, Lord, we did it. We’re here, on the edge. Livin’ on the edge! See?

“No, My will is there.” He pointed down, over the edge. “You’ll have to jump.”

It was safety and security, or free fall. All these years later, we’re still in free fall. We had no choice.

One day, I am going to stand before the Lord. Oh! The thought makes my heart race and eyes fill with tears. Just imagine it, my friends. Jesus. Face to foot—well, there’s no way I’ll be able to stand and look Him in the face, you know? I’ll be at His dear, wounded feet, washing them with my tears of gladness and gratitude. In that moment, I’ll be regretting the spit I ran from, the hurt I refused to suffer. I’ll be wishing I’d been entrusted with more suffering for His name’s sake. The fullness of His sacrifice for me will suddenly be real, and I can only imagine what that will mean to me, but I think these moments of trials and frustration and trouble will become like steam from my tea cup—gone away in a moment.

Doug wrote a status on Facebook recently that was spot on:

“At what point did you think it was going to feel good to reckon yourself Crucified with Christ?” (Doug Gregan)

I really want it to feel good right now. I want my life to be easy. Comfortable. I like easy. I like soft and cushy. 

Yet, I want Jesus! I want more of Him, and so much less of me, and that means I need to stop keeping me alive. I have to stop feeding my flesh, so that it dies away. That’s hard, but if I’m already trusting Him to give me a safe landing one day, I should be able to trust Him with all of me.

Yes, this past summer has been kinda hard. Heck, these past two-and-a-half years have been kinda hard. I think something about turning 50 just started messing with me. The reality of this life my husband and I live really smashed me in the face. What are we doing? While other people our age are planing for their retirement, Doug and I are living one day at a time, counting on the Lord to bring the balance to our accounts and help us get by until then. This is not the life I expected, and it’s not the life I wanted.

Wanted. Past tense. You see, it really is the life I want now, because it’s the life God has given us. My solution to the challenge is to just stop being so human. I’m not just a woman of flesh. I am called to reckon myself dead, and to let the life of Christ live through me. That’s the spiritual life I should be living every day. You read my blog, so you know I’m not succeeding in doing that, but I will go to bed relying on His mercies and wake-up trusting in His grace. It’s all I can do. 

This is a snippet from a great message on this subject that Doug preached on Easter this year. It speaks to exactly the matter I’ve discussed here. God bless you all who are struggling to reckon yourselves dead to this life. It’s not easy, but His mercy and grace is there for you, too. 

Hey, Jude

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We must not take our salvation in Christ for granted.

“I must write…urging you to stoutly defend the truth that God gave once for all to hHis people to keep without change through the years.”

Once we are saved, yes, we are never required to say the Prayer of Salvation (Romans 10:9), again. However, that doesn’t mean we have permission to compromise Christ’s righteousness through our sin.

“Some godless teachers have wormed their way in among you, saying that after we become Christians we can do just as we like without fear of God’s punishment.” 

However, once we have believed, our life is meant to be an ever-growing, living testimony of that confession.

“But you, dear friends, must build up your lives ever more strongly upon the foundation of our holy faith, learning to pray in the power and strength of the Holy Spirit. Stay always within the boundaries where God’s love can reach and bless you.”

If your life today is not a living testimony of Christ, I hope you’ll stop and pray. Repent. Be restored to a place of right standing with Christ. It is possible, you know, to fall away from that great Salvation Christ won for you on the cross at Calvary. I don’t think you want that to happen.

Scriptural reference:
The Book of Jude (KJV)
The Book of Jude (TLB)

 

What Hea-Woo Did in Prison

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This is the story of Hea-Woo.

Hea-Woo is from North Korea.

One day, she escaped across a river to China.

While she was in China, someone witnessed to her about Jesus Christ. Hea-Woo came to know Christ as Lord and Savior, and and began learning about her new faith.

It was not long, though, before she was captured by the secret police and returned to North Korea. There, she was sentenced to a prison camp.

At that prison camp, she made a few important decisions. She decided to:

  1. Tell her fellow prisoners about Jesus.
  2. Witness to her fellow prisoners by helping them (sharing her rice with the sick, helping others wash their clothes, etc.).
  3. Begin a secret church. They met in the prison bathroom.

Her church really captured my interest.

  • Her church met on Sundays and on Christmas.
  • Without access to a Bible, she could only from what she remembered learning in China. Whatever songs or Bible verses she remembered, she would teach her tiny congregation.
  • Their singing had to be as quiet as possible to avoid detection. It was almost imperceptible.

Hea-Woo ultimately was released from the prison camp, and later escaped to South Korea.

During her time in the North Korean prison camp, she lead five people to salvation. She says, “They were on the edge of death, and I could give them the message of hope.”

5 Ways to Keep Your Hands Clean, and Still Help the Children’s Ministry at Your Church

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I believe that Children’s Ministry is the most important ministry of the church.
I know that might sound like hyperbole, or insanity, but I do have a theory.
I won’t share my theory here, because what I think doesn’t matter. Ultimately, I know we all agree it matters. I know this, because of the outcry this past month over the suffering of children at the border. It is clear that Americans care about children, and Christians know that ministering to children is important to Jesus.
So, with that agreement, let’s consider how we can actually make a difference in a child’s life. Most of us will never get to help a child at the border, or any child from another country, but there ARE children in our own church that we can help through our church’s Children’s Ministries.
So, I have come up with five easy ways for everyone in any church to help the children. And, you won’t even get your hands dirty!

5 Ways to Keep Your Hands Clean, and Still Help the Children’s Ministry at Your Church

1. ASK.
As the Children’s Pastor, or whoever is in charge, how you can help. Just make sure they are sitting down before you ask, though. Odds are good that any offer to help will come as quite a shock, and might knock them off their feet.
 
2. PRAY.
If you’re afraid to ask, or don’t think you can help, begin to pray. Ask how you can pray. Pray for the Children’s Ministry workers. Pray for the children, and their parents. Pray for provision, patience, inspiration, and more volunteers. Pray daily. Make it a real commitment before God.
 
3. GIVE.
Most churches have tight budgets. Like public school teachers, Sunday School teachers and Children’s Ministry workers often foot the bill for the extras that make their class special: snacks, prizes, stickers, etc. Maybe, you can offer to provide snacks, or just slip a fiver into the teacher’s hand and say, “Use it for the kids. There’s more that came from!”
 
4. SAY THANKS.
Thank the Children’s Ministry workers for what they do. Don’t assume they take delight in escorting little ones to the potty, wiping up spilled juice, or telling Little Ricky one more time that he can’t play his drums. Never make the mistake of thinking that Children’s Workers have some special grace from God. They might love what they do, and even be called and gifted from God to do it, but it doesn’t mean it’s always easy.
 
5. BE PROMPT.
Finally, if your children are a part of the Children’s Ministry, pick-up your little angels, before you socialize with friends after service. Children’s Ministry volunteers are serving Jesus for free, but their babysitting rates are $10 an hour.

For My Brothers on Father’s Day

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On Father’s Day, I always think about the fathers I know who are brokenhearted over how they have let their kids down; how they have failed to be a godly dad for them. Some don’t even get to see their kids, because they made one bad choice too many.

I feel really sorry for these men. It is very natural to focus on our failures, and it is right to be full of remorse. Yet, I am compelled to encourage these fathers.  So, this post is for them.

Brothers, at the end your life, you don’t have to be defined by your failures. You don’t have to be remembered by your children for how many times you fell down, but for how many times you got back up.

It may feel like it’s too late to change, or too late for change to matter. You may be convinced all hope is gone, but that’s just not true. That’s a lie from the one who hates you (and hates your kids), Satan himself. Brothers, with God, it is NEVER too late and no change is too small. Don’t give up on what God can do. Don’t quit on Him.

And, don’t quit on yourself, or your kids. Keep going! Keep going back to the Cross with a humble heart and contrite spirit. Keep asking God to perfect His Son in you, to make you the man and father He meant for you to be—and, that your children need you to be for them.

Listen, it doesn’t matter how old they are, or how old you are, either. It doesn’t matter how much time you’ve wasted, or how little time you’ve given them. Keep asking God to finish the good work He started in you, and keep praying for those children. Keep asking God for the impossible, whatever that means for you, and start believing that God is able to do the impossible.

And, brothers, one last word: depend on each other. Share your needs, and pray for each other. You don’t have to be alone in this.

God bless you, Dads. I’m praying for you today. ❤

James 516