Author: SaxophoneWife

My Filthy Rags

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I had three major confrontations with the Lord in 2001. They began at the women’s Bible study (testimony here) and continued through the summer, when I finally dipped into a pile of articles Doug had given me to read.

Those articles would eventually be life changing, but I didn’t want anything to do with them at first. Oh, I was very happy for him, because he’d finally found a ministry that actually addressed his spiritual need. It was the first time we’d heard anyone use the term sexual addiction, and these men* had testimonies to back up their articles. He felt so much hope, and I was hopeful, too. Maybe, this was the answer we’d been waiting for, and all my suffering would finally be over. 

You see, while I recognized there was a spiritual war going on, I didn’t realize Doug and I each had battles to fight. I thought this war was his war, because it was his fault. If he would just do the right thing, we’d win the war and live happily ever after. Wasn’t I doing my part?  Keep the home fires burning, Caroline! Despite the fact God had been dealing with me all year long, calling me to yield to His will for my life, I just didn’t understand that there was something for me to do. I was sure our problems started with him, and would only end when he stopped living a chronic cycle of Sin-Repent-Repeat. In the meanwhile, I would be the good Christian wife I thought I was and endure this suffering. Isn’t that what longsuffering means?

HOLD UP

Wives, God doesn’t call us to endure our husband’s sin. If we’re just holding our own, trying to get better at enduring, we’re wasting our time. That’s as far away from being a help meet as we can get. Yet, I know that’s what most wives think they’re supposed to do: don’t quit on him. Without meaning to, they become his enabler.  

You see there is a difference between godly endurance and human endurance, and too often we confuse them. Godly endurance stands out, because it bears spiritual fruit in both you and him. It doesn’t enable him to stay unchanged and in sin, but instead reminds him that his race isn’t over. We don’t ignore his fall and fail to hold him to account, but urge him to get up (repent) and keep going.  

WAIT A MINUTE

I’m not sure when I gave in and picked-up an article, but I do remember the words took me by surprise. Like a tsunami. The first article was called, “Why People Remain in Sin and Bondage,” by David Kyle Foster. I remember thinking that maybe this article would help me understand Doug better, but instead it helped me understand myself better. It was an incredible experience. Yes, it was life changing.  I very clearly recall sitting in bed and sensing the presence of Christ beside me. I could see myself next to Him, my head down, looking at the pure white drapes of His robe. It was then I finally saw my filthy rags. I wept, I repented. My eyes were opened. For so long I had seen myself somehow ahead of Doug on this course, but suddenly I realized we were in the same place. I had no advantage over him, because I didn’t struggle with his brand of sin. I was not further ahead, because I had grown-up in Sunday school classes. We were equally wretched sinners, both in need of a Savior. 

PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN IT

Looking back now, I realize that God was preparing me for what was soon to come. If our family was going to survive the onslaught Satan had prepared for us, I was going to have to rise up out of my selfish version of Christianity and become a woman God could actually use. I was going to have to put my flesh in its place, just as much as Doug would—though in very different ways. I was now in the war.

❤

*David Kyle Foster (Pure Passion) and Steve Gallagher (Pure Life Miniseries)

TBT: Some Thoughts on “Hotel Rwanda”

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I originally wrote this in 2012. This month was the 25th anniversary of this horrific event, and it seemed appropriate to share it again.

I’d been looking forward to seeing it.  I knew it would be a excellent film.  I knew the acting was going to be incredible.  I knew it would be informative.  I knew it would be a completely fulfilling movie experience, as good as I’d heard, and worthy of all the awards and accolades it’s received.

However, I had no idea it was going to speak to me so deeply.

No, I’m not going to start protesting human rights or dive deeper into politics in order to fight for social justice across the world.  Quite the contrary.

After I’d turned off the movie and while I was sitting in my bathroom weeping into a wad of toilet paper, I thought to myself: Who was the U.S. President then? Who can we blame for this? Then something happened. It was as if the Lord was turning my head and redirecting my line of vision.  I was suddenly looking down at the earth from the heavens. I could see the continents, and I was  trying to find Rwanda on the African piece of the planet.

That was when I realized it didn’t actually matter what country it was where this happened. God didn’t care about Rwanda, He cared about the people in Rwanda. And, the people in every other nation on this planet.  He doesn’t see the borders between countries. He sees the people. He sees the million bodies of the slain people in Rwanda that lined the roads for miles and miles, filling ditches and covering fields. These are people He so loves that He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for them. To save them—not from this life, but from the eternal death to come.

As I was watching Don Cheadle’s performance, I kept reminding myself of the real man who was willing to put his own life on the line for others. This man, just a regular man, was willing to give everything to save those who were helpless and defenseless against their enemy.

Wait. Wasn’t God asking the same of me? Wasn’t I supposed to be willing to lay down my life for those who are defenseless against the Enemy of their soul? Isn’t that what God has called us all to do?

So many Christians have taken up social causes and concerns, from abortion to human trafficking to crimes against children. It’s not that these things aren’t worthy concerns. They are terribly wrong acts against God.  That they are wrong—in fact, sin—is why I think we need to question making them, or supporting them as, a cause. Some Christians have built their entire faith and Christian walk around a cause that essentially boils down to trying to stop people from sinning. “Stop killing!” “Stop raping women!” “Stop unlawful behavior!”

Yet, we were not given the authority to do that, to stop people from sinning. Only the Holy Spirit can convict us of sin, and only the blood of Jesus can break those bondages. As Christians, we have the answer for the one who is bound. It’s called the Good News, and that is what we are called to preach. Why are we trying to do the Holy Spirit’s job, and not the one He has actually given us to do?  We’ve been commissioned to tell the lost how to be saved in order that they may have this power from on high. We should be prepared to lay down our lives in order to get the truth of the Cross to them, not the message that they should stop sinning. Who cares if anyone is spared from sin, but still left to die and go to Hell? It’s reverse legalism. And, it’s terrifying to me that the church has made this their gospel.

I really have to ask myself why have I spent so many hours of my life caring about politics and political issues, when there are people living and dying without Jesus. Why am I here, except to win the lost? Am I willing to I lay down my political activism at Christ’s feet and pick-up His cross instead?

I know that many will object to this message, and I can hear their arguments all ready. I do respect people for speaking out against injustice, and I don’t think we are supposed to not care that these things happen. However, I believe our approach has mostly been wrong, and I believe the proof of that is in the fruit of these efforts, and in the lack of souls in the church.

After forty years of pro-life activism, where’s the fruit? Why aren’t churches full of single mothers with children? Most churches don’t have a single mother’s small group, or a ministry to teen moms, or even a well-staffed nursery! Not to mention that most churches have a pitiful children’s ministry that is almost a second-thought. And, if so many Christians care so much about children and babies, where are the hordes of Christian foster parents? Why isn’t every Christian’s car full of neighborhood kids coming to Sunday School? How many churches have given up on VBS, because they couldn’t find enough volunteers?

Imagine with me what would happen if instead of giving $10 a month to stop human trafficking, Christians instead stopped patronizing pornography websites. What if, instead of protesting abortion, Christians began volunteering to teach Sunday School? What would happen if Christians stopped sending their money to conservative political lobbyists, and instead gave that money to missions? And, what if, instead of sending money to a charity that will feed the hungry, we gave our time and money towards opening a food pantry and soup kitchen in our own church? A rock star tells us to care about this, or care about that, and we jump to answer his call. We need to stop for a moment and ask ourselves what  the cause of Christ is first. What cause did He die for, and what cause did He call us to die for, too? Did He come to carry a sign in protest?  Is that the example we are supposed to follow? No, He came to carry a Cross.

Please, don’t get me wrong. My heart is stirred with compassion when I hear of the needs around the world. I wish another baby never had to be aborted again. I want to build wells in Africa, too! I care about these causes. I love meeting needs! However, I know it’s a lot easier to give money, than to give myself. And, it’s a lot easier to give myself to a man-made cause, than to give myself to the cause of Christ. I have been lead astray by the temptation to “do good” through a $5 or $500 gift, instead of actually “doing good” and living a life that will make a difference.

If you are still reading this, please ask yourself this question: What am I doing to support the cause of Christ? If you are not giving of your time, talent, and money to the cause of reaching the lost with the good news of John 3:16, I urge you to seek God and reconsider your choices.

Addendum

After writing this,I came across the following quote.
‎”Loving Him is to be our cause. He can take care of a lot of other causes without us, but He can’t make us love Him with all our heart. that’s the work we must do. Anything else is an imitation.” (Keith Green)

In The Beginning

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About 20 years ago, Doug and I were in the battle of our lives. We didn’t know it, but we were at a turning point. How we came through this was going to redefine the rest of our lives. And, though we were battling for the same cause, we were fighting on different fronts. He had his fight, and I had mine.

Of course, I did not understand any of this at the time. From my perspective then, this war was essentially his fault, and his deliverance was going to bring an end to the conflict. That was the focus of my prayer life: that God would deliver him.

However, God had a call on my life that I wasn’t answering. It was the call to be my husband’s help meet. Though I had grown-up in church, I was never taught the true, biblical meaning of the word. I never heard a pastor preach on it, and my premarital counseling never even mentioned it. No one ever told me it was God’s call on every wife’s life. No one ever told me the spiritual responsibility I had, or the spiritual authority God had given me. I wish I’d been equipped from the beginning with all I learned that year, and the years since, because I think it would have made all the difference.

That’s why I blog about it now. I am desperate to see Christian men fulfill the call of God on their lives, but they cannot do it alone. 

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18, KJV

God recognized man’s need, and made woman. However, there is a job to be done here. It is not just a title; a position of honor. It is a calling. 

And, it’s a calling I am still learning to answer. I have an excellent Teacher, but I am a poor student. So, I am learning as I type. I am determined to keep typing, though. I believe there is at least one woman who will read this, receive it, and it will make all the difference for her, her husband, her marriage, her family, and the Kingdom of God. I believe that with all my heart. It is a call that may not be easy, ladies—especially, if your husband is not walking with the Lord. However, it is a ministry unto the Lord. Your obedience to this call has eternal consequences—and, eternal rewards! 

So, yes, I will be writing more on the subject and filing these posts in the “Help Meet” category so they can be easily found.

God bless you tonight. ❤

Buried

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This is fiction, inspired by my Father and based on both his and my Mother’s accounts of his decision to answer the call to ministry, instead going to law school.  

He buried his hands into the decomposing leaves and tried to raise himself up. How long had he been there? His knees were sunken into the soft earth; the air was cooler now.  Instead of the sun beating down on his head, he felt the shadows of the trees on his back. It must be dinner time, he thought. Today he would end his fast. It was time. His mother was concerned for him. She didn’t understand; she just wanted him to eat.

He tried to lift himself, again. He was weak. He realized he had not brought a canteen with him—it was definitely time to go.

Yet, he didn’t want to leave this place. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He just wanted to rest in this divine peace as long as possible. Here in these woods he was alone with God, alone in His presence. It was a great luxury he didn’t want to squander.

However, there was work to be done, and he was already beginning to get a vision of what God had in store. His spirit was suddenly filled with an indescribable joy, and before his legs could protest, he was on his feet. He was excited—but not quite stable. He stumbled as he took his first step and steadied himself against a tree. Oh, how his former sparring partners would mock him, if they could see him now. “When I am weak, He is strong,” he laughed. “Amen!” 

Ignacio dusted off his pant legs, and ignored the damp stains on the knees—he had long ago learned how to take those out. One could not stand in the pulpit with dirty knees.

He reached down for his Bible and began the walk back to campus, so grateful and so eager. He could tell his load was lighter now, and he began to walk faster; his gait growing stronger with each step. Buried in those woods was everything he’d imagined his life would be—every ambition, every worldly aspiration, and every dream—and he was leaving it all behind. He was free now, to do what God had called him to do. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy—his mother was not going to take the news well. “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother…he cannot be My disciple.” Christ’s words filled his thoughts. God knows I don’t hate them, but I cannot forsake You for them. 

A flash of the setting sun hit him in the face as he reached the edge of the woods, and his hand quickly shielded his eyes. He stood there for a moment, just enjoying the glorious view and fresh air. His future was before him, and it was bright.

Three Ways to Guard Our Faith

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“So then faith comes by hearing,
and hearing by the word of God.”
Romans 1017, NKJV

So, how do we guard our faith? I think these are three tried and true ways to do it. Remember, it’s God’s will we guard our faith, so He will help us in the process. As we seek Him, He will reveal specific things that are threatening our faith—things we may be allowing into our life now, or have allowed into our lives in the past. He will always help us, when our desire is to grow in Him.

Okay. Here we go. 

THREE WAYS TO GUARD OUR FAITH

1. Get Into Fellowship.

And, when I say fellowship I mean church first, all other fellowship (small groups, coffee with spiritual friends, Bible studies, prayer meetings) second.

“Let us not neglect our church meetings, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of His coming back again is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:25, TLB

The American Christian really has few good reasons for forsaking church fellowship, but endless excuses. The most common excuse is that it’s hard to find the right church. Well, I’ve been there. I know that’s true. However, going to church doesn’t have to be a marriage proposal. You can just go to a church you only want to casually date, or hang-out with as a friend. You know what I mean?  Lower your expectations and just have fun. So what if it isn’t “The Right Church”? As long as they’re preaching God’s Word, going to “The Wrong Church” can be great! Just go to church.

2. Study The Word.

Studying the Word of God is critical to our faith. I know this feels very challenging for many Christians, but if we will pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help us, He will. The Holy Spirit will give us understanding of God’s Word. And, you know what? Even what we don’t understand still profits us!”

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,

Studying God’s Word will also lead to our knowing God more, and that will be like a mighty fortress for our faith.

3. Walk In Righteousness.

It seems obvious, but we humans tend to forget the obvious. Or, we get distracted. Whatever the case, if we are living in spiritual compromise, we are powerless to guard our faith. Secret sin and private idols separate us from God.

“But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear.” Isaiah 59:2, NKJVIf we want to guard our faith, let us pray for the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin—and let us respond quickly, that we will remain in right-standing with God. 

God bless you today. It’s a brand new week to walk in faith, obedience, and surrender to our Lord and Savior. It’s a brand new week to try again, and give ourselves another chance. It’s a new start for us all.

Happy Monday! ❤

Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

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It’s an early Spring for us here in New England, and today was a beautiful day. The whole week, really, has been lovely. I am still hoping for one more snow day, but I’m also thinking about how much I want to get into the garden. Our schedule tempts us not to garden at all, but Lucy loves it. I mentioned planting pumpkins, and she got so excited. Hopefully, this week we can get some seeds in the ground.

We celebrated a birthday recently. Lucy is the officially candle blowing assistant.

 

We discovered a new toy. Have you heard of water beads? They’re a fun sensory toy I discovered online. I was able to get Lucy some a few weeks ago. They make for an inexpensive activity that she finds very soothing. They’re very Montessori, offering lots of opportunity to pour and scoop and sort. There are endless applications. We’re just starting.

2019-03-21 14.30.53

 

The kids bought some playground equipment for the babies last week, and they’ve been a big hit. Isaac is still learning to go down the slide—he’s so funny. It was a very windy day, and that’s what you hear Lucy saying, “It’s so windy!”

 

Doug raked some leaf piles this week, and Lucy discovered the joy of frolicking in them.

FlyingInTheLeaves

 

Lucy is tall enough now to stand on a step stool at the sink, and it’s become one of her favorite things. She is exploring what makes a good drinking vessel.  She’s also acquired an apron of her own.

 

I managed to capture Isaac’s infectious laugh on his birthday a few weeks ago. He’s such a charmer.

 

Time with our grandbabies is like oxygen for us. Doug’s new schedule has limited his time with them, but we’re working on that. First things first.

❤

The Mystery of the Rapture

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Do you believe in the Rapture?

If you do, it might surprise you to learn that many Christians do not. And, an increasing number of Believers who do believe in the Rapture do not believe in a Pre-Tribulation (or, pre-wrath) Rapture.

There is also a whole category of Christians who just can’t decide what they believe. They feel confused by the various teachings they’ve heard and articles they’ve read. So, they just don’t commit.

Let’s consider this: a Pre-Tribulation Rapture is the Blessed Hope of every born-again Christian, and a promise from God prophesied in His Word, being noncommittal seems inappropriate. God is very committed to our deliverance from His wrath.

But, people don’t longer believe in the wrath of God. I haps, they imagine irascible God blessed me and loving and kind. I think that believer must have forgotten how much God loves them.

Sync with me of the last story in the news that you heard the mother of God are defending their child.Would He give His own divine Son’s life just to see His born-again sons and daughters face His wrath on a world that is as wicked as the world we know today, where unspeakable crimes are committed against the most innocent and. Gand we should be, too. In fact, we should be looking up: our Redemption draweth nigh! (Luke 21:28)This is a message from Amir Tsafarti of Behold Israel. I have written a very rough outline for his message, with time stamps and scripture references. Hopefully, that is helpful.

 

INTRODUCTION (0:00) 
Isaiah 46:9-10

10 Fast Facts about Faith

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  1. Faith is not reasonable. Hebrews 11
  2. Faith is a gift of God. Romans 12:3
  3. Faith should grow. 2 Thessalonians 1:3 | Romans 4:20
  4. Faith can die. James 2:17
  5. Faith is precious. 1 Peter 1:7
  6. Faith protects us. Ephesians 6:16
  7. Faith must be guarded. 2 Timothy 4:7
  8. Faith is defeated by Fear. Mark 4:35-41
  9. Faith and Doubt cannot co-exist. Matthew 21:21
  10. Faith brings God glory. Romans 4:20

TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

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It’s Throwback Thursday, so I am sharing a post from April 4, 2016. It is about a question I was asked at a critical time in my life in April 2001. It literally did change my life. It was the beginning of the end of me.

Click here to read  “Self-Examinations Are Always Graded On A Curve.” 

When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

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I’ve been thinking about something: I’ve been thinking about how the Son of God became like us, and how we will one day become like Him.

1. God the Son was originally an eternally alive Spirit. He was not created, not born. He was always.

2. After the Fall of mankind, we needed a Savior. We needed an eternal atonement for our sin. A blood sacrifice that would stand forever.

3. God the Son became that blood sacrifice: corruptible flesh. He was born like we were born, and in every way was human—still the divine Son of God, but now also a Son of Man.

4. As a human, God the Son experienced real hunger, real emotions, and real temptation. Yet, He was called Emmanuel, which means “God with us.” There was a promise is this Child of Bethlehem. It was always evident, always in His name. Yet, at the cross on Calvary, He endured a real crucifixion. He shed real blood as His real flesh was afflicted for our transgressions. He felt all the pain, all the humiliation, all the loneliness. And, He bore all our sins upon Himself.

5. A mere man could not have borne our sins. A sinful Son of God could not have, either. Christ lived a sinless life. He did not transgress against God the Father, and so was able to be the ultimate sacrifice. His death atoned for our sin, and His resurrection was the an eternal victory over death.

6. This is what amazes me: upon His resurrection He was no longer just a man of flesh. He now had a glorified body. Jesus ascended into heaven in this glorified Body, and when He comes to take the Believers home, when we rise to meet Him in the air, we will be translated—in a twinkling of an eye—into a glorified body. We will become like Jesus!

It just blows my mind.