My Life

39 Cozy Miracles

/ SaxophoneWife / 5 Comments

I lead a Bible study for the ladies at a shelter in Lynn. During out meeting the week before Thanksgiving, a little seed of hope dropped into my heart. I had been imagining what it would be like to be away from family and the comforts of home on Thanksgiving, and I couldn’t stand the feeling. I kept wishing I could do something to make their Thanksgiving better. I thought there were 24 residents; that wasn’t too many.

As I watered that little seed of hope with prayer, I began to believe that maybe I could come up with two dozen little gifts for the residents.  I knew I had no budget, but I did have some little gift bags. Anything is nicer if it’s packaged well.

I knew we had a Thanksgiving dinner at the Ladder House to pay for the following Monday, and I knew we only had $137.91 in the ministry account, and I knew there was absolutely no way I was going to make this happen myself, but that little seed of hope just kept growing. God could make a way!

I really was stumped for gift ideas, especially for things I could make out of thin air, so I did what I often do: I queried my Facebook friends for ideas.

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I got some great ideas from folks, but nothing close to a universal response. Time was ticking. On Sunday (Wednesday was my deadline) I learned that there were actually 37 residents, not 24. I won’t lie: panic struck. That was a lot more somethings to come up with, and I still didn’t know what those somethings were!

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PAYPAL MIRACLE
Well, by Sunday we had received some donations via Paypal to cover the dinner costs. Praise God! But, the real miracle was that Paypal allowed the transfer of funds to our business account instantly. On the weekend! That just doesn’t happen. It normally takes two business days, but there it was in our account. That meant we could pay for dinner on Monday morning, and it meant I had at least part of the $137 for the gift bags.

Then, I received messages from three women friends, pledging funds towards the Thanksgiving gifts. I was NOT expecting that! God PROVIDED 100%, and leftover money is already designated for Christmas gifts for the residents. Stunning! 

WHAT WAS COZY?
So, I had a budget. I just needed a gift idea. A cozy gift idea. Well, my Mother always said you should give a gift you would want to receive. So, I asked myself what would be cozy to me, and I knew the answer immediately: a mug of something hot. Tea is my favorite, and it’s easy—all you need to enjoy it is hot water. I had a cozy gift!

Now, I just needed 37 mugs.

I had imagined going to a dollar store and finding all the mugs I needed, but I soon realized that in a residence with 37 people, each mug had to be unique. It wouldn’t do for two people to have the same mug in a house with shared kitchens. Though I had a budget, I wasn’t about to blow it on mugs. My sights were already set on those Christmas gifts. So, I decided each mug needed to cost no more than $1.00. This was going to be just a little bit challenging,

Monday we had the Ladder House Mission dinner to prepare for, but I popped into a discount store and found about 15 mugs. That left me Tuesday to find the rest, and that took the better part of the day. I confess I did end up spend a little over a buck for the final few mugs, but it was getting late—and, I was tired.

When I got home and set out all of the mugs, I had 39. I decided to prepare the extra two as insurance against any breakage that might happen in transit. It didn’t take long for Doug and I to assemble the gifts, and I was happy with the finished product. It looked cheerful—and, cozy—to my eyes. What do you think?

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Doug went with me to deliver all the goodies. We also brought a bunch of canned vegetables, paper products, and a sweet potato casserole to add to their Thanksgiving Dinner (one of the ladies coordinated the meal). A few men filed into the room when they saw Doug, so he stayed and we had a co-ed group. It was very nice. And, I was so grateful to know I was leaving little miracles behind when we left.  I can’t tell you what it meant to me.

A FINAL MIRACLE
So, I have one last work of God to share. When we got all the mugs into the house, none of them were broken. I asked my liaison at the house to confirm there were 37 residents. I was going to offer the extra two mugs to staff members.  Before I could say anything, though, she piped up and said, “Well, it was 37, but two more women showed up last night.” Two more women?  I almost cried. Can you believe it? It’s so like God. What kind of love is that, huh?

Oh. folks, will you just stop right now and say a prayer for the men and women at Great Hill? The spiritual need there is extreme. Each week, I hear something else that breaks my heart and leaves me all too aware of my shortcomings as a leader. (Will you pray for me, too?)

If you gave towards these ministry events this month, thank you so much. I wish I could give you a hug, and tell you face-to-face how your contribution made a difference for someone.

God bless you all!

My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

/ SaxophoneWife / 2 Comments

THIRTEEN

This week we marked the anniversary of a life-changing decision we made in 2004.

HIM: Trust Me.
US: Oh, Lord, we do! We really do! And, we’re so excited! We can’t wait to dive into this new work You’ve given us to do.
HIM: Do you see that cliff?
US: Yes. Oh, yes, we see that! Should we stay away from that? Does it represent danger?
HIM: I want you to go to the edge.
US: Oh, OK.  We do see it, though. We can see it from here.
HIM: Go on.
US: (Holding hands) OK.
HIM: Go closer.
US: (Look questioningly at each other, than to the Lord) Um, we’re pretty close already.
HIM: Closer.
US: (To each other) He was pretty emphatic, huh? We better do it. (Gingerly step closer. To the Lord) We’re going.
HIM: Right to the edge.
US: We won’t fall?
(SILENCE)
US: Lord?
(SILENCE)
US: Is this close enough?
(SILENCE)
US: (Inching right to the edge) Are we there? Are we there? OH! Can’t look down. Can’t look down! (To the Lord) Oh, I don’t think we can go any closer, Lord.
HIM: You can stop. You did well.
US: (Greatly relieved) Oh, thank You, Lord. Can we move back now?
(SILENCE)
US: It’s really kinda scary here.
(SILENCE)
US: Winds kinda picking up. Can You hear it whistling? Kinda pushes against us.
(SILENCE)
US: (Nervous laughter) Ha, ha. Wouldn’t want to fall, right? Not before we can get this work done for You, right? Lord? The wind? You can hear it, right?
(SILENCE)
US: Maybe, He’s trying to teach us something, like, “Being missionaries is like living on the edge.” (To the Lord) Is that is, Lord? Are You trying to teach us this is what it will feel like to walk by faith? Like the end is near?
(SILENCE)
US: (Reassuringly) Yeah, that’s what’s going on here. Totally getting that lesson out of this: it’s going to be scary—even terrifying—sometimes, but we won’t fall. Right, Lord? We’re lear——
HIM: (Interrupting) Are you ready?
US: Well, um, yeah. We’re here. We’re doing this. We’ve put our house in storage. We’ve moved to the “hood.” We’re doing this. We’re all in, Lord!
(SILENCE)
US: Um. May we step away from the cliff now?
HIM: Trust Me. It’s easier from there.
US: Easier? What’s easier?
HIM: Jumping.
(SILENCE)
HIM: Go ahead, then.
(SILENCE)
HIM: Jump!

That’s exactly what it was like! I remember. I remember the moment I realized going to the edge wasn’t enough. It’s not what He was asking. He was asking us to take a flying leap of faith! Not kidding. It was crazy, but we knew we were hearing His voice, and that’s why we jumped.

And, it’s been a free fall ever since! A 13-year-long free fall, yet the Lord has kept us the whole time. Isn’t that remarkable? He’s amazing. We think we’re going to bang against a rock, we think a crash is imminent, but it never happens. Somehow, the Lord keeps us. I mean, the stories we could tell—I suspect some of them would horrify you, but it’s not by our wits and wisdom we are still here. It’s is strictly God, and that blows my mind!

May He alone be glorified!

CAN YOU RELATE?

“The best training is to learn to accept everything as it comes,
as from Him whom our soul loves. The tests are always
unexpected things, not great things that can be written up,
but the common little rubs of life, silly little nothings,
things you are ashamed of minding one scrap.”
Amy Carmichael

PEERS & FRIENDS

Been thinking about the difference between the two this week.  I’ve never thought about it before, so I don’t know what I think about it, yet. Thoughts? I would really love to hear some thoughts on this.

REMEMBRANCES

Three years ago, my mother-in-law passed away. Marlene’s name lives on with Lucy (she is Lucille Marlene), and I’m grateful for that. I will always be thankful for time I had with here in her last year, but I will always be sorry for the time I squandered. I did not know much about love in those days. Still learning. Not an excuse, just the truth. I deeply regret that failure.

PICTURES FROM MY WEEK

This is the Great Hill Shelter. I’ve recently begun a women’s Bible study here, and it’s become a delightful part of week. I love how God works.
This is my dear Lucy, who is standing all the time now. She is such a gift.
She somehow managed to call up the camera on my phone, so I decided to take our picture.
A typical night off for us. Snacks in bed and something innocuous on the computer. This happened to be a new cooking competition from Australia. We enjoyed it quite a lot!
I have loved Erma Bombeck since I was a little kid. This is an image I made today from one of her quotes that made me laugh out loud.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, AMERICA!
May God be glorified in this nation.

My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

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  • Pride and jealousy make me sick and weary.
  • Lies and deceitfulness make me sicker and more weary.
  • Our health insurance in 2018 will be more than three times higher. Doug is going to make sure they have our income right. Even twice as much would be hard for the ministry to cover. We may have a hard decision before us. Will wait and see, for now.
  • I think my so-called smart phone, is making me a dumb person.
  • Doing the right thing is often a bloody fight.
  • I am sick of the wickedness on this earth. Yet, we are still only seeing the tip of the ice berg. How does God long suffer with us, when He sees it all?
  • Sometimes, I think that all the ministry anyone called to the ministry should do is just pray. Must pray more.
  • We are getting a taste of January weather this weekend. Pulled out the comforter. It’s the coziest thing we own. Pudge really likes it, too.
  • Pansy season lasted so long this year! I enjoy them so much. Pruning them is my best therapy, so I’ll miss them. There’s nothing to prune until May.
  • I have a print hanging on my bedroom. When I framed it, I didn’t leave the artist’s name visible. For about 20 years, I’ve wondered who created this painting that I love so much. Then, I got the bright idea to use Google’s Image Search. I found out that the artist is Eastman Johnson, a Mainer who also co-founded of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City.

 

PICTURES FROM MY WEEK

Hello, Winter. You’ve arrived a bit early.
The highlight of any day is getting to see Lucy.
Lucy, dressed for the cooler days. She didn’t really want to wear the hat, but once she was outside she didn’t mind it so much.
Comforter weather is here!
“The Girl I Left Behind” by Eastman Johnson
The Pudge is hard to photograph.

 

PANSIES ON PARADE: 2017

Flowers on my kitchen window sill are one of my favorite things.
Glamour shot.
A demure bloom.
This little parfait cup is a junk store find. It makes a pretty vase.
Abundance!
The color blows my mind.
Up close and personal.
I love the color contrasts.
Last pansy portrait of the season.
It was a good summer.
From the peak of the season.

My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

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THE MUSCLES YOU NEED TO DRINK COFFEE
Not sure what they’re called, but I pulled them this week. Took Thursday night off, because my side hurt so much. Felt almost normal on Friday, but when I went to bed last night it was like, “Psyche! Just kidding!” This morning it felt worse than it had originally. So, this Saturday evening I am clutching a heating pad under my arm and reminding myself to breathe through the pain.

CONFETTI FOOD
Lucy’s first birthday party theme is confetti. I have been looking up food ideas. Fruit and vegetables are no-brainers. Anyone have any suggestions?

NO, HE WON’T BE NAMED LINUS
Hannah selected the name Isaac for a son years and years ago, and in March she will finally get to use it. That’s right folks. Baby #2 is a boy. We are very excited!

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HOW’D I DO?
My system didn’t fail me! There are more sticky notes on the right, than on the left; I feel considerably less stressed about what I still have to do; and I have a lot of hope for a good ending to this year.

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WHERE MY HISTORY LIVES
I love going up to my attic. My family makes fun of me, but every time I go up there I see something that makes my heart happy. I always tell myself I’m going to purge everything, but some things just keep being useful.

Case in point: I needed curtains for a window in the front entryway. This week, I remembered a set of curtains I had made in 1990! They fit the window and “decor” perfecly!

While I was up there, I found a picture my Mother loved. It’s a print my sister, Jill, gave her. I think it’s a nice addition, and I’m pretty sure Lucy’s going to like it.

I really do love old things, especially when they hold a bit of my history.

Come on in!

Pictures from My Day

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I was clearing off my refrigerator tonight, because my granddaughter likes to look at the magnets and put them in her mouth. However, most of them are not chew-proof or choke-proof. As I made my way around, I noticed my calendar:

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Can you relate? 🙂

I also found a cartoon that always cracks me up.
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This has been on my refrigerator for a long time, and it’s not going anywhere!

productivity, anyone?

I’m a production manager from way back, but sometimes I forget that about myself. I forget that I actually know how to get things done, and I get bogged down by how much doing there is to do.

That’s always the way, isn’t it? Instead of taking things one step at a time, we look at the whole project and get frightened away! While we do need to see the whole picture in order to get a vision, set a goal, and define objectives, we won’t get very far until we take that first step.

So, early this morning I took my To Do List (from my head, because I have been too afraid of it to actually write it down) and turned it into a Project Board. It’s a productivity tactic I’ve used in the past, and it’s been very effective for me.

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This is my office cupboard. As each task is finished, I will place that sticky on the right side. It’s important to do that step, because seeing what you have already done feeds your drive to get it all done! (Hearts mean I need Doug’s help, and squiggly lines mean it’s particularly time sensitive.) Some things have to be done sooner, but I’ve given myself a goal of being mostly done by Friday night.

Do you have any productivity tips you can share?

candy gifts

Thought I’d share some pictures of the Dieterles giving out candy tonight.

22860916_1038821699593882_1107282211456942080_nLucy’s Grandma Melissa gave her this outfit when she was born, and it made a great costume for tonight.

She had fun watching everyone walk around, hanging out with her Mommy and Daddy. (Yes, that is a space heater in the second photo. They didn’t want her to get too cold.)

post follow-up

A friend, Christina, read my Halloween post and shared that she and her husband went through a similar re-evaluation of how to do Halloween a few years ago. They are a family in Southern California, and she shared that began hosting a neighborhood potluck. They put their fire pit and some chairs in the front lawn, and parents take turns taking the kids Trick-or-Treating. She said it’s one of her favorite traditions. “We actually decided to re-think Halloween several years ago after realizing what an opportunity it was to be hospitable. What other day of the year do all of your neighbors come to your door?”

I love that she does that! Maybe, next year we’ll be a little more prepared to do something similar. This year, we’ve tried to make a greater effort to know our neighbors. Maybe, by next October 31, we’ll be ready to kick it up a notch.

Well, that’s my day in pictures. How was your day?

On Hollywood and Hamburgers

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Once upon a time, the Hollywood elite woke-up to the news that one of their gods had been cast down and cast out. It was revealed that he had treated women very, very badly. In spite of the fact that the Hollywood Casting Couch has long been a fact of life in the entertainment industry, everyone reacted with shock and horror. Famous men and women began speaking out.

“Oh, he’s a great man. Everyone knew he did things like this. but he’s such an artistic genius. He means so much to this industry.”

“Well, we just didn’t…talk about it. You know?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess I knew about it 25 years ago, but— but, I didn’t know it was this bad.”

“There were rumors, but I never actually heard anyone say he’d done it to them. So, you know. What was I supposed to do?”

“So glad it’s finally come out. It’s so exhausting to have to cover up that behavior day in and day out. I’m so glad I don’t have to that anymore!”

“I knew women were being mistreated, but I thought it was just a dirty, little secret we all kept hush-hush. It’s not like I’ve never, you know….amiright?”

“I sure felt bad for all those women over the years. Me say something? Well, why would I do that? Defending them would have cost me my career.”

In their own special way, Hollywood suddenly cared about women being raped.

Women who have helped objectify women on screen, selling their bodies to the highest bidder, were suddenly appalled at how this man behaved in private.

Men who are as guilty, or more so, suddenly decried his actions as unacceptable.

The industry that has been teaching us how to rape, teaching us that people like to be raped, and teaching us that rape is proof he (or she) is really into you, suddenly decided they didn’t like rape, after all. At least, not today.

Was this really Hollywood speaking, or Holywood? Everyone was suddenly morally self-righteous. All those who once bowed at his feet, paying him the highest tributes, suddenly knew right from wrong.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world absorbed every titillating word.

In mid-1990s, another Hollywood god was temporarily dethroned, when it was discovered he had been molesting his daughters—ultimately marrying one of them. He said they were in love.

When this happened, I was certain his career was over. I was very wrong. Like another famous director, I thought he would be forced to leave the United States. Instead, he continued to live life in all its previous glory, even spawning his own grandchildren. So precious.

Most importantly, for today’s discussion, his career was unhindered. He continued to make movies—at least one a year, since those gross revelations. And, who starred in his movies? Why, the very same people who now cry foul on Hollywood’s latest sexual predator/movie mogul. Needless to say, I’m not very convinced by any of their shock and horror. They are actors, after all. You don’t have to be very good at the craft to play outrage.

Frankly, I think many of us are outraged, disgusted, and saddened by the news of one more victim of someone else’s sin, but no one can be surprised. Did we really think the Hollywood moguls were a choir of angels? In the upper echelons of the industry, where money and power are at stake, angels don’t survive.

I don’t know how long this story will make headlines, but I hope it’s just long enough to convince us that our participation in this industry needs to be reevaluated. We can boycott all the movies this man produced, but we know he isn’t alone. We know there are some who have committed crimes far greater than his—they just haven’t yet been dethroned.

When our daughter was still at home, we only watched what we would want her to watch. Even if she was not watching with us, we believed that she was susceptible to anything we brought into our home. We were the watchmen of our home, after all. We controlled the gate.

Well, when she got older and was living at college, we kind of slacked off. The entertainment available to us had really exploded, compliments of the internet. We would use filters and the fast-forward button, but the truth is you can’t predict every bad word that might be said. Some images cross the screen, before you can catch them. Despite our sincere efforts, there were still things we were seeing and hearing that were poison to our spirit man.

It’s kind of like a person with a wheat allergy, trying to enjoy a hamburger on a wheat bun. I can tell you, it’s not easy. It’s messy, and nearly impossible. Some of the gluten free bun options aren’t very good—they fall apart or taste like a punishment. Lettuce-wrapped buns are a nifty invention, but only a deft hand can turn lettuce into an effective bun substitute—the wrong technique leaves you with a pile of disappointment. So, what usually happens is that you end up eating some of the bun, drowning your regret with gallons of water, but still getting a headache and swollen joints.

Fortunately, there are a lot of other things to eat. We have a choice. We don’t actually have to compromise our health and well-being, or our soul and spirit. There are alternatives to Hollywood. There aren’t many, and some of them are like a disintegrating GF bun, but who cares? Some things just aren’t worth it, and for me, that includes Hollywood.

Something New

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

Lucy (my granddaughter) has some allergy issues, and seems to do best with baby foods that have nothing added—no citric acid or ascorbic acid or whatever else they add to those little jars. They do make baby food that is just the fruit or vegetable, but those are kind of expensive.

So, I thought I would try something new: homemade baby food!

It’s really not hard, but there is a learning curve. I am watching YouTube videos and reading blogs, but if you have made baby food yourself and can share your best tips or recipes, I would sincerely appreciate it. 

These are some photos from my first batch, and a few lessons I’ve already learned:

  1. Keep a close watch on the water level in the steamer.
  2. One apple makes one-half cup of applesauce.
  3. It’s better to make one variety at a time.

I really hope Lucy likes it! 

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P.S. The cute labels are from her Great-Grams. ❤

With All My Heart

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I came across a bunch of Christmas Cookie Campaign containers and instructional cards in the shed recently.

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The Christmas Cookie Campaign was a huge event we held every year at the local correctional facilities. Seeing those cards and containers brought back a lot of memories. It was a massive undertaking—exhausting, demanding, costly—and I loved every minute of it.

With all my heart.

Allow me to share just a few memories with you. Some of the images are pretty fuzzy, but the memories are as clear as day. If you click on the pictures, you can read the full captions.

Cookies in pretty tins for New Brothers!
Some of the awesome volunteers who helped distribute the Gift Bags and presented a Christmas Program for the inmates.
SO MANY Christmas Cards! Everey card was checked by yours truly, to be sure it did not have a greeting that mentioned being with family, at home, or anything else that might be inappropriate for a man in jail at Christmas. Made sure each one had a proper envelope, too.
A WWII War Bride from England helped me organize the inserts for the Christmas cards one year.
The Seniors at a local church helped sign Christmas cards.
It is a family tradition, passed down to us by my Mother, to share “Smilie Jesus Tracts,” That’s what she called them, and every man received one. 🙂
During the Campaign, we would come home and find cookies on our doorstep. People loved baking for the guys. Bless their hearts. I was thankful for every crumb!
No, not a tornado. Just the aftermath of Packing Day. 🙂
We had to idenitfy and count every cookie. EVERY COOKIE! It was a lot of fun. 🙂
My daughter and dutiful helper. This picture makes it look like she’s going to eat all those cookies, but she was just packing them in ziplock bags.
Each bag had at least ten cookies, and the packed cookies were careful packed into boxes for transporting to the jails.
A portion of the containers that I would wash each year. So many containers! LOL
At the jail, volunteers formed an assembly line and filled each Gift Bag with cookies, candy, hot cocoa, candy canes, and a hand-signed Christmas card.
In the months before Christmas, I would buy out (my sister and niece helped) all the red lunch sacks at Target. My sister hand-decorated each one of these.
This guy—the reason I was able to do any of this. He crossed all the t’s and dotted every i, gaining us uncommon access at both local facilities. He made sure we always colored in the lines, so that Christ’s reputation was unvarnished and the men could recieve as much as possible. And, he acted in the plays, led worship, conducted the ministry, liasoned with the officers, rallied the men, hauled the boxes, helped pack candy and cookies, and signed cards. He loved those men with all his heart—and still does.
Some of the volunteers. Oh, it touches my heart to see their faces. Such heroes! This was on Christmas Eve, mind you. ❤
Did I mention we collected 6,000 homebaked cookies? (Not to mention 6,000 pieces of candy and 600 cards, 1,200 candy canes, and 1,200 packets of hot cocoa!
Doug, Hannah, and I sat around our table into the wee hours, decorating bags. We strung them up around the house to dry.
One year, we ran out of decorated bags. I had to come up with a quick way to fill in the gap. This was the best I could do.
The filled Gift Bags, waiting for distribution!

Picadillo!

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“All I have to say is, you really need to make
this more often, because I love it.”
The Saxophone Player

Picadillo is a Cuban dish of deliciousness! I would imagine that every real Cuban cook has their own variation of the dish, but I’m not a real Cuban cook—just a wannabe.  Each time I’ve made my versions in the past, they were fine, but they rarely evoked memories of my Mother’s. So, when I recently decided to try this dish again, I looked for a recipe.

Now, my first go-to for Cuban recipes is my sister, Jill. She is a real Cuban cook, and her version of this dish is wonderful (click), but I didn’t have all of her ingredients on hand. So, I went to my next go-to for Cuban recipes, Three Guys from Miami (click). I trust them, because I’ve made many of their recipes and they most often taste just like Mother’s. That’s always my goal when I make Cuban food.

WHAT IS IT?

The primary ingredients for Picadillo are pretty typical for Cuban food—garlic, onion, bell pepper, and tomato. Ground beef is the star. Yes, I suggest grass-fed. If you can find it on sale, it’s worth it—especially in this dish.

To that foundation, you add more very Cuban flavors: olive oil, cumin, oregano, salt, and pepper.

TIP: if a recipe calls for a pre-made spice blend, don’t do it. They have their place, but not in Picadillo. This may be a “hash,” but it’s a carefully seasoned dish. Also, use fresh garlic.  It’s worth the effort.

The next group of ingredients in Picadillo are not commonly included in American, savory dishes, yet they play a very important role in this recipe. Personally, the Spanish olives and raisins weren’t a surprise to me, but the cinnamon and cloves were unexpected.  I don’t know that my Mother used them in her version, but I’m very glad I included them. Their impact was subtle, but notable.

TIP: I don’t recall if the recipe says to chop the raisins, but I suggest it—unless you really like hot, juicy raisins. That is not something I enjoy. I also just think their flavor blends into the meat better, when they are chopped.

TIP: allowing the dish to stew on a really low heat for a bit helps those flavors to really blend.

 

I like Picadillo with white rice. You can add a green salad, tostones, or black beans. The Saxophone Player like his with a fried egg. That’s a very traditional way to eat the dish.

If you make Picadillo, please let me know how you liked it. It’s a pretty simple to make, and it’s something you could make ahead and reheat on a busy night, or double and freeze half for a really busy night.

 

Enjoy!

Poppa & Lucy Making Music

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Today, I captured this moment, and a song I did not recognize. He confirmed it is brand new—the first in many years—and it is beautiful.

Lucy has inspired the songwriter.