#2020YearOfPrayer

In November, I began having these moments where I thought it was already January 2020, and I was looking back at November, remembering it as thought it had already happened. This kept happening. It felt so real, that it was already January.

As the days turned into December, I kept having this experience, thinking it was already January 2020. It was such a strange experience, that I decided maybe the Holy Spirit was trying to draw my attention to January. I started to pray about January. I started to pray for our country, the Body of Christ, Israel, the Middle East, the world, the lost. I felt especially burdened for our country, and for the Body of Christ in America. I don’t feel afraid, but concerned. Can anyone relate? I don’t know if what’s happening in the Middle East right now is what I was praying about, but I can say I am definitely praying about it now.

  • If you are curious to know what is happening in the Middle East, I would encourage you to listen to Amir Tsafarti’s updates. He will be broadcasting a special update on Sunday. Amir is an Israeli citizen and Christian Jew. He teaches on Bible prophecy, and brings a unique perspective to Middle East events. Here is the link to his website: Behold Israel. I believe his update on January 5th will be very important. If you do not watch it live, be sure to check out his YouTube channel. It will be posted there. The link is: Middle East Updates
  • Pastor J.D. Farag posts a Bible prophecy update most weeks, and I expect his update tomorrow will be very informative. J.D. is a Christian Arab who pastors a Calvary Chapel church in Hawaii. His updates usually land on YouTube about 4PM EST. This is the link to his Bible prophecy updates on YouTube: Pastor J.D.

Wearing Heavy Boots

A post about grieving, originally published 2/22/13. 


Life has been different lately.

Seven-and-a-half weeks ago, my mother passed away. Really hard to even say that, much less write it. I hate that this happened. It’s actually been rather debilitating. I am, however, finally beginning to accept that she really is gone.

It’s been hard. She and I lived together almost my entire life. And, we were close. We weren’t the ‘best friends’ kind of Mom and Daughter, so we weren’t close like that. It was more like she was my hero. As I have passed these weeks since she has been gone, I’ve realized how often my decisions were all about pleasing her. Will Mother like this? Her satisfaction, her happiness, her contentment, her needs being met—this was a primary focus of my life.

Now, that she is not here to please, I’ve been pretty unmotivated. It’s been hard. I’ve done better the past week (obviously, because I am blogging), but it’s been a slow process.

Well, maybe not that slow. I mean, it’s not even been two months, you know? Seriously. Should I be expected to recover from that kind of loss in just a few weeks? I don’t know. I do keep wondering, though, how she would be handling this—or, what she would say if she was here, watching me. What if Doug had died first, and she was here watching me mourn his loss by wasting away my life doing nothing? I think she would have gotten pretty irritated at me.

So, I am trying to balance these things. I do wish someone could tell me how long it takes to move on. I am kind of legalistic that way. I follow instructions well. But, there don’t seem to be rules for this kind of thing. I googled it, and just found a lot of nothing. Basically, it can take forever to recover. Do I have forever?

Doug reminded me of something I said after I found out I had cancer. I talked about how much I wanted to be a faithful steward of the time the Lord had given me, and how much it grieved me to think that if I died in surgery and all I’d have to show for myself was what I had done up until then, that I would have been disappointed in what I would have to offer the Lord when I met Him face to face. It’s kind of hard to regain that kind of passion, once you lose it—or lay it down at the alter of self-indulgence.

And, that’s what I am beginning to fear, that I am becoming self-indulgent in my grief, and I hate that thought. Self-indulgence is such a sinful thing.

I do excuse myself a bit, in that caring for my Mother was my occupation for several years, and this past year it was a 24/7 job. So, I have lost more than just my Mother; I have lost a big part of my identity. You know what I mean? I was a caregiver. That became my job description. I woke up everyday with a Mother-centered purpose. I had things I had to do—someone depending on me to do them. Life and death dependence. And, now? Not so much. This is kind of challenging. A lot challenging.

Yet, I think of her and I remember her life, and I know she would be very displeased with some of my choices these past two months. I mean, seven-and-a-half weeks. She would appreciate my missing her, but then she would say, “Stop crying for me! I’m with Jesus. I’m with my friends. I’m having a great time! And, I have no pain. I don’t have to get shots, or take pills. I’m dancing with Jesus, Caroline. I’m OK! You’re the one you should be crying for right now. Look at you, wasting those two good legs and that strong mind and that lovely home. Get busy. Make me proud!”

It’s so hard to let go. To let go of grief. To let go of her. To let go of that life. I had no idea what her death would mean. When she died, I was just so relieved her suffering was over. This is still the hardest memory, remembering the pain in her face, the fear in her eyes. I still can’t bear the thought without so much pain and sadness. I hate how much she suffered. The last month was the very worst. It was so hard to know how hard it was for her—and I didn’t even really know. Just how miserable was she? My heart aches from the thought. I just want to comfort her and relieve that pain—

This is the hardest thing.

I couldn’t relieve her suffering. I couldn’t do anything for her, to make it better. I tried, but who knows if it really helped? And, I can’t stop thinking of all the things I could have done, or maybe, should have done. This is hard. The Lord is good, though. He reminds me each time of all the other times she recovered. She didn’t get better, because I did everything right. Her life was never really in my hands; it was always in His. In the end, her death was more merciful than it might have been any other time. I would have preferred it go differently, but is there a better way to die? Is death ever easy?

So, I am challenged. Very challenged. I need to move on, but these are such heavy boots. The sadness is still so great. Why aren’t I rejoicing in her triumph over sickness and eternal death? I seem to prefer feeling sorry for myself, which I disrespect so much. I don’t want to be that kind of person. I don’t want to be the hostess of my own personal pity party. I want to remember my Mother well. I want to honor her life. I want to celebrate her victory.

I have been reading a book called “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer. I began the book a long time ago, but picked it up in earnest after Mother died. It is the story of a boy whose father dies on 9/11. This author seems to understand grief and sadness very well.

“I didn’t understand why I needed help, because it seemed to me that you should wear heavy boots when your dad dies, and if you aren’t wearing heavy boots, then you need help.”

The sun will be down soon. I am trying to do things I couldn’t do before, and walking each day is one of them. So, I need to go.

You know, when the freezing cold wind hits my face, and I keep walking, I know there is a little bit of the best of my Mother in me. I want to build on that.

Life Goes On

This was originally published on 6 February 2013, on my previous blog website.


It’s never been one my favorite expressions. Always seemed kind of selfish. As if a person was choosing something good, going on with life, instead of the something not-so-good that they were leaving behind them.

In the short time since my Mother passed away, I’ve started to realize that “life goes on” is just s fact. The world keeps spinning, the grass keeps growing, the sun keeps rising, bodies get hungry, work needs doing, people need attention. Life goes on. I’m not deserting the one who has passed away. I am just doing what I’ve been given to do.

So, life goes on. With waves of grief and trust in the sovereignty of our all-mighty God, life goes on.

Life goes on.

I guess I thought a time would come when I felt a release from the grief, and then life could go on, but I don’t think that is going to happen. I think missing her will always be a part of my life, but maybe over time I will just stop expecting her to be here. I’ll remember she isn’t coming home soon, because she is all ready Home. At peace. At rest. Free. Truly living.

Her life goes on, too.

 

“It’s Christmas, Eve!”

A little Christmas Cheer! 

 


Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!

Q: When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A: In the dictionary!

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A: A PINE-apple!

Q: What do you get when you eat Christmas ornaments?
A: Tinsel-itis!

Q How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas?
A With oar-naments!

Q: What comes before Christmas Eve?
A: Christmas Adam!

 

Q What do elves learn at school?
A: The elf-abet!

Q: Why did Santa push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log!

Q: What songs do fish sing at Christmas?
A:Christmas corals!

Q: How do you know when Santa’s in the house?
A: You can sense his presents!

Q: What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A: A cookie sheet!

Q: Who is Frosty’s favorite relative?
A: His Aunt Arctica!

 

Q: What kind of insect hates Christmas?
A: A hum-bug!

Q: Why did Jimmy’s grades drop after Christmas?
A: Because everything was marked down!

Q: How can you tell Santa’s good at karate?
A: He wears a black belt!

Q: What do you call a Christmas duck?
A: A Christmas quacker!

Q: What did the Christmas tree say to the Christmas ornament?
A: Thanks for hanging out with me!

Q: Who is never hungry for Christmas Dinner?
A: The turkey. He’s already stuffed!

 

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing. It was on the house!

Q: What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
A: Santa Pause!

Q: Why was Santa’s helper depressed?
A: He had love elf-esteem!

Q: What is a reindeer’s favorite instrument?
A: The horns!

Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A: As long as they need to be to touch the ground!

Q: Where do Santa’s reindeer work during the off season?
A: Star-BUCKS!

 

Q: How was the snowglobe feeling after the Christmas party?
A: A little shaken!

Q: What does a snowman like to eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted flakes!

Q: How do snowmen travel home for Christmas?
A: On a icicle!

Q: Why don’t snowwomen go to beauty salons?
A: They’re afraid of hair dryers!

Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up to the sky?
A:“Looks like rain, dear!”

Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A puddle!

Merry Christmas! ❤

Before And After The Vote

 

BEFORE THE VOTE
(I wrote this exactly one week ago.)

The general consensus amongst Conservatives is that the Senate would never vote to impeach Trump.

I’m not convinced.

As I really want to keep politics out of this as much as possible, I will leave that there. Let me just say this: any confidence you might have in your political leaders should be measured. Assume nothing. We live in unquestionably crazy times. Just because it’s never happened before, doesn’t mean it could not happen now. In fact, expecting the unexpected is a word to the wise. Unprecedented? Not anymore. Just think about what’s happening in and around the world today:

  • Paris is on fire. Gilets jaunes marked their one-year anniversary last month.
  • Iranians are being arrested and risking almost certain death for the hope of freedom.
  • Young people in Hong Kong are in their seventh month of protests against Communism, waving American flags as they sing hymns and our national anthem.
  • Category 4 hurricanes and 6.0 earthquakes have become commonplace.
  • Mass shootings are so frequent, they are hardly newsworthy unless the media has nothing else to complain about—I mean, report.
  • Sex trafficking is being uncovered in record numbers, yet rapists are getting sentences that are only weeks long.
  • Parents now have the right to not assign a gender their newborn, or change their child’s gender altogether.
  • Pedophilia is being normalized. Twitter now allows nude images of children.
  • Mistakenly identify someone by the wrong pronouns, and you can actually be arrested and put in jail.
  • Satan is now depicted as a bon vivant and sex symbol on TV, while a growing number of churches refuse to even acknowledge his existence.
  • The Rapture, our Blessed Hope, is now taught as false doctrine in mainline, evangelical churches.
  • One may now buy “Christian” versions of the ouija boards and tarot cards.
  • Any lack of self-control is just a mental or emotional health issue, so every bad behavior can be justified. No repentance needed.
  • Israel is facing its third round of elections for a prime minister in less than a year Two elections was unprecedented. What’s the appropriate adjective for three?
  • Homeowners in California dare not ask them homeless to not defecate on their lawns and sidewalks, for fear of retaliation. They know the police will not come to their defense.
  • Due to prison overcrowding in some states, it is legal to break the law.
  • Drug users may now legally inject their illegally purchased drugs in tax-payer funded drug houses. Tax-payers will even provide them a private room for their illegal behavior, with free paraphernalia and medical supervision.
  • There are more wiccans than Presbyterians, while Christian pastors are kissing their faith good-bye.

These are but a few snowflakes on the tippy top of the tip of the iceberg. How easily we could add, “Duly elected U.S. President impeached from office, without evidence of impeachable offense.” Or: “Incoming U.S. President signs Executive Order; calls for rewriting the U.S. Constitution.”

Talk about crazy.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in either one of those last two items being added to the list. Yet, we know there are powers at play in our nation that are committed to seeing both things take place. Not sure how the second item would actually happen, but rules, law, and order don’t seem to matter to some folks in our country. So long as they get the outcome they desire, they will literally lie, cheat, steal, or kill to get it.

No one should be faulted for thinking things are out of control. The fact of the matter is that some things are out of control. And, the media—all of the media—helps create a frenzy. They hype anything they can hype, because it brings more views to their channel. I see it even on independent media sites, the mom-and-pop channels all over YouTube. If a person doesn’t have a right focus, they can very quickly fall to the temptation of Fear, Anxiety, or Confusion. However, that is not God’s will for His children.

Listen, crazy is going to happen. We are living in the End Times, my friends. If we read the Bible, we knew this was coming. None the less, God does not want us to be consumed by the crazy. He doesn’t want that to be our focus, or our concern. What God said would happen, will happen. We can take comfort in that. Actually, we should take comfort in that. We are getting to witness incredible things right before eyes. And, if we know Christ as our Lord and Savior, we want to also be looking up. Despite the naysayers, our blessed hope is as sure as ever.

So, weighing all these facts, I have considered how I should pray for our country and for our President. I pray for the will of God, but I also believe we can make our requests known. We can ask God for anything. He will not violate His will or His Word, but we can ask. We won’t ever get in trouble with God for asking.

That is why I am praying our President will not be impeached. Not by the house, and not by the Senate. I know full well that God can honor His Word any which way He pleases, and The Holy Spirit reminded me again that His ways are not my ways. In essence, He said, “You think an impeachment is the worst thing that can happen to him, because you don’t see things the way I do.” I know that. God might even allow President Trump to even be removed from office. Who knows? His ways are NOT our ways. The fact of the matter is that it has been my strong inclination to believe that President Trump will not finish his first term. That is not my hope at all, and certainly not my prayer, but there are bigger things happening than this. In the end, it might not be about what’s best for a condemned nation, but what is best for the man himself. America cannot be saved, but for President Trump that’s a different story. I don’t know God’s will for President Trump, other than it is not His will that any should perish. 

So, I am going to pray the President’s enemies are scattered and Wednesday’s vote fails to impeach him. That’s what I’m going to believe God for right now. If that is not what happens, than I will begin praying about the Senate vote. Yet, overriding these prayers are my prayers for God’s will. Whoever is President of the United States, we are still living in the End Times. The Rapture is imminent. The Tribulation is not far after. What is coming will be a mix of wonderful and terrifying. Hopefully, we all miss the terror.


AFTER THE VOTE
(I wrote this last night.)

I am very sorry Trump was impeached in the House. What’s happening in our country is just very sad. I don’t understand the hatred. I don’t understand the evil. I can’t believe the lawlessness. In the past four to five years, more wickedness has been uncovered in America than I could have imagined. Not just in the government, but wickedness in our hearts is being uncovered, too. People are showing their true colors. Spiritual leaders, churches, academia, entertainment, amusement parks—you name it—their true colors are being seen.  Doug just read to me today the sex-ed curriculum Planned Parenthood is teaching in public schools. I cannot even process how wicked it is, how wrong.  As in the days of Noah? How much worse will it get? I pray to God I don’t have to find out.

God bless President Trump. I am so grateful for him. He has done so much for America, but he has done even more for Israel. I never imagined the things he would do. I’ve breathlessly watched his decisions concerning Israel, hardly believing what my eyes were seeing and my ears were hearing. I rejoiced when he declared Jerusalem the capital of Israel, but I was speechless when he actually moved the embassy.  In awe, I listened to the news of his recognition of Israel’s rule over the Golan Heights. These are the biggies, but there have been many others.

Then, just a couple weeks ago, I learned the biggest of the biggies, that our President, the leader of the free world, was affirming that Judea and Samaria belong to Israel. I nearly passed out.

Is it any wonder he is so despised?

I don’t know how God will honor what President Trump has done, but I don’t believe Jehovah will forget him. I know a few folks who will be very shocked to meet on those golden streets in Heaven.

Until then, I keep praying—for him, for you, for me, for God’s will to be done on the earth, and for that soon-coming day when we will meet Jesus in the air.

 

 

Wednesday’s Vote

(Addendum below…)

I know everyone expects impeachment to pass Congress, but I am praying that God honor His Word concerning Israel and bless Trump with a victory against this corrupt impeachment. I simply cannot think of any leader in history who has done more to advance Israel’s cause. I pray the Lord use this vote on Wednesday to exalt Himself and prove that His promises to Israel stand as true today as they were 6,000 years ago—irrevocable!

“And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” Genesis 12:3


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ADDENDUM
I just need to add something. Again, unlike everyone else I’ve heard on the subject, I have a very strong conviction that if the impeachment passes Congress, it will also pass the Senate. I know every single conservative voice out there says it’s impossible, but I don’t think it’s impossible at all. In fact, I think the Senate Democrats already know who will vote with them. I think they’ve known since Nancy gave her thumbs up. In fact, I think that is WHY she gave her thumbs up. So, if you don’t want him impeached, I believe the time to pray is now. Don’t put your confidence in what all these politicians and talking heads tell you.

Now, it should be said, this may seem like nonsense to those who follow a doctrine that says Christians have replaced Israel, so every biblical promise regarding Israel now pertains to the Christian only. Well, I cannot go into detail on that matter, but I would urge you to ask yourself if the Bible actually proves that position, and therefore you believe it because you are convinced and willing to die for that belief—or, if you believe it based on what someone else told you, and aren’t really sure you’re ready to risk your life for it. If you aren’t willing to take a bullet or face the guillotine, good. There are lots of good, biblical teachings out there that can give you a sound foundation. Then, we can all be like Corrie ten Boom, ready to risk our life and reputation for their sake, which is what Trump has actually done, and why I am asking God to prove Himself here. (Um, if you don’t think he’s risked his life for Israel, well, yeah. He has.)

Do You Know Charlie Kirk?

If you aren’t acquainted with Charlie Kirk—or, even if you are—I strongly encourage you to watch (or listen) to this episode of “Happening Now.” I am grateful for young men like him.

Happen-ness

I went all the way back to my Xanga blog for this TBT. I originally published this on March 9, 2011. 


So…yeah.
These happen to be challenging days.
God has proven Himself faithful so many times.
I know He’s bigger than the Boogie Man.
And, all the other scary things that threaten me.
It’s just been challenging. 
And, I’m a little weary.
So…yeah.

There is good news, though.
As I checked my FB tonight, I happened to see a post from my friend, Q’ene:

“Down? Depressed? Discouraged? Dismayed? Disheartened?

How was that title NOT going to get my attention? Q’ is such an encourager. She knows how to do the heavy-lifting. It’s a rare, and precious gift!

Then, I happened upon DanishDoll on FB. I requested she add me, and she did! When I looked at her Wall, I saw that she had just posted a devo on her Xanga:

Stupid Ideas

Good title! What a good exhortation. Mae does it well, speaking the truth in love, which is just what I needed to hear. (Click title to read.)

The third thing I happened across tonight, in such a roundabout way, was this video:

The testimony that follows is awesome. I really needed to hear David Kyle Foster’s clear and simple teaching. He does that well – shares deep, spiritual truths in a way that penetrates the brain fog of selfishness.

So…yeah.
Things are tough right now.
I will spare you the list.
It doesn’t really matter, you know?
Tough times happen to us all.
However, God happens, too.
He happens into our troubles.
He happens into our worries.
He happens into our disobedience.
He happens into our fear.
He happens into our mess.
He happens to love us, despite us.

I’m so glad God happens to love me.
(Sigh)
Tomorrow, if God wills, a new day happens.
Hope happens, too.

P.S. Both Qene’s and Mae’s Xangas are retired (though Danish Dolls does have her archive active). If you want to stay in step with these ladies and be blessed by their good words, you can find them on Facebook here and here.

Singing in the Snow

I walked into my bedroom  yesterday and was surprised to hear someone singing in the distance. I opened the window and captured a bit of it. I was kind of amazed.

Then, last night, I learned the rest of the story. He told me how hard it had been to shovel the snow, because it was so wet and heavy. He said, “I only got through it, because I started to sing.”

Next time you’re facing a task that feels too hard to finish, try singing to the Lord. It worked for him! ❤

P.S. Poor guy had even more snow to shovel today. Winter is here!

Three-Years-Old

Surprises and Christmas trees, and blue lollipops that turn her tongue blue—these are a few of her favorite things.

Some of her favorite games are jumping from the “highest mountain” and running so fast; hiding behind a chair and calling out, “Where’s Lucy?”

She stops and smiles, when she hears the “Hanes Sister” sing, and will sing along. She is often singing something, just under her breath.

She knows the hand motions to her favorite Praise in Motion songs.

She likes to sit and snuggle in real close, whether we’re watching a favorite video or reading a book.

She can raise her legs straight up, like a ballerina at the barre. She loves to somersault and bounce like Tigger. “Sing the song, Poppa!” (“The wonderful thing about Tigger…”)

I think if she had enough paint, she would never stop. Now, she’s starting to pretend to write (letters to Snoopy), and is drawing her first faces.

She loves her little brother, and he copies everything she does. She’s learning to share, and he’s learning that sometimes she gets to play alone.

She loves her bubble baths, and going to sleep. She never fusses at nap time.

She understands that Poppa goes to church to sing and pray, and that errands with Poppa mean going to the post office and the bank.

Kite-flying and popcorn she learned from me, and that alley-oop means standing on Grammy’s foot to get a hand up onto our tall bed.

Sprinkles are eaten with a Sprinkle Spoon from a bowl. Smackerals of honey are served on Smackeral Spoons. She still likes Grammy’s applesauce.

Her response is always, “Yes,” if you ask if she’d like to pray. I don’t know what she truly knows of God, but she’s ready to learn.

I admire Lucy’s courage. I admire her focus, when she’s trying to learn something.  She can make a game out of almost anything, especially if climbing and jumping are allowed.

I had no idea grandmothering was going to be so meaningful. I delight in watching her grow and become herself. She is always more wonderful than the day before, so I am always looking forward.  Being a grandmother is one of the finest gifts I’ve ever received, and definitely my favorite thing.