Be Free

It hit the morning after the memorial, and I began to dwell on it. Meditate on it. The What Ifs and If Onlys descended upon me like a crushing weight. Nights became days, because I could not sleep. My head would hit the pillow and my mind would become instantly flooded with unwelcome thoughts that came to life in my mind’s eye. There were times I could feel Panic and Anxiety breathing down my neck, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.

The Holy Spirit made repeated efforts to alert me to the dangers that lay before me, the risk I was taking as I followed after Grief. The Saxophone Player prayed for me, talked with me, listened to me, encouraged me from the Word, and reminded me of those glorious truths I was ignoring.

There were moments when even I became concerned for myself. I felt Grief clutching at my throat and robbing my breath. I couldn’t turn away from it, though; I couldn’t reject it. I just kept yielding to Grief. Gone can be a very overwhelming word, and the Enemy convinced me that Grief would keep my Mother with me. It would keep her from being gone.

So, I meditated on my sadness, my loss, and my heartache. Day after day, night after night. I had made Grief an idol: I placed it on the throne of my heart, and allowed it to rule over me.


We are all susceptible to this temptation—the temptation to exalt something in our life to the status of idolatry. It doesn’t matter who we are, or how long we’ve walked with the Lord, either. If there is anything in our lives that Satan can use to fashion an idol, he will—and, he will use it to bring separation between us and God.

The Holy Spirit was there with me throughout that season—thank You, Lord! After three months (was it four?) of worshiping at the altar of Grief, I finally heeded the voice of the Holy Spirit. He helped me realize what I was doing, the deception of the Enemy that I had submitted to, and the ultimate end Satan had in store for me.  I stopped dead in my tracks and prayed, repented, received God’s forgiveness, and turned around. I never looked back. I received my deliverance, and held onto it as the great treasure it is—won for me by Christ at the cross of Calvary.

Oh, yes, I still miss my Mother. How can I not? A day doesn’t pass, without me wishing she was still here. I will always miss her, remember her, and look forward to seeing her, again.  However, I will never again entertain the idol of  Grief. I will never again forget that her work here was finished, but mine is not. I must be busy about the Master’s business.

Beware of idolatry, friends. It supplants God’s will and purpose. It contradicts God and and all He has done for us. Whether our idol is our emotions, our illness, our brokenness, our prosperity, our loss, our health, our family—we know it has become an idol, because it takes precedence over obedience to God. Deliverance from idolatry is free, though.

Be free.

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”
Psalm 50:15 (NKJV)

 

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A Guest Blog from TSP

My husband, aka The Saxophone Player and the Director of New Brothers Fellowship, wrote a short and very good piece on the NBF Blog yesterday. I wanted to share it with you.


Betrayal

by Doug Gregan

There is something incomprehensible to me, as I witness established Christians, with years of faith and knowledge of the scriptures, move away from Jesus Christ as He is declared in the Bible. How powerful and sobering is the spiritual transaction that takes place in John chapter 6, concerning the eating of His flesh and the drinking of His Blood.

“Many therefore of His disciples, when they had heard this, said, ‘This is a hard saying; who can hear it?’ When Jesus knew in Himself that His disciples murmured at it, He said unto them, ‘Doth this offend you? What and if ye shall see the Son of man ascend up where He was before? It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life. But there are some of you that believe not.’ For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were that believed not, and who should betray Him.” (John 6:60-64)

Incredible that the betrayal of Christ should be connected to unbelief concerning His Resurrection and Ascension, His Sonship and Kingship.

And, this is exactly what is happening in these days. The hard sayings of Jesus become offensive apart from the personal apprehension and persistence in the Cross. They cause us to stumble.

“From that time many of His disciples went back, and walked no more with Him.” (John 6:66)

They walk with Him no more, but they remember His name, they remember His works, His compassion, His kindness, His love, His social justice principles, His philosophical depth.

It is here that the Flesh fashions another Jesus; a Jesus without a Cross, who challenges no one and meets us at our own understanding of truth.

No need to deny myself, to come apart from the spirit of the world, to submit to the authority of God or His Word outside of the parameters I find acceptable. The words of Jesus are mine to pick through and interpret according to my comfort level.

This is betrayal. This causes others to stumble.

I pray for the Holy Spirit to quicken the Words of Christ, again, to those who are offended and have created Christ in their image. May mercy bring us back to the glorious liberty of the Cross and dying to ourselves, that His resurrection life may flow through us again.

The words of Psalm 50 come to mind:

“These things you have done, and I have been silent; you thought that I was one like yourself. But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you. ‘Mark this, then, you who forget God, lest I tear you apart, and there be none to deliver! The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!'” (Psalm 50:21-23, ESV)

Saturday Evening Post: 10/10/18

• Today is Blog #16 for Blog-tober, my month to blog every day. Still working on catching up. (It should be Blog #20.) It has been a very interesting experience.

• Doug said the French Toast Casserole was a win. No pictures, but also no leftovers. That’s a good sign.

• I made a 7-blade roast for supper. My mother loved this cut of meat. She made it almost every week.  On Sunday morning she was in the kitchen prepping her huge roaster pan, surrounding the roast with all the classic vegetables. She set the oven temperature very low, and lunch was always ready by the time we got home from church.

Recently, these roasts were on sale at the market, so I decided to try to replicate her Sunday Supper. I seasoned the meat the way I’d watched her season meat so many times, and let it just cook and cook and cook. She said, “You almost can’t ruin this roast. The longer it cooks, the better.” Honestly, it tasted just like her roast. It was such a strong sense memory.  And, on sale, it’s a very affordable piece of beef.

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• My granddaughter started calling me a name this week. Doug is Poppa, and she learned his name almost as soon as she started using intelligible words. I’m called Grammy, but she’s never used it. Well, on Thursday Hannah said she pointed at me and said “Me,” for Grammy. I’m pretty excited.

• I bought this mold at Ikea a couple years ago. I saw it the other day and wondered if those squares weren’t just the right size for her little blocks. I thought it might be a fun way for Lucy to play with letters and words.

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Sure enough, they are just the right size! It’s like an adorable Boggle game. For now, that’s all we’ll do.—practice putting the blocks in.

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• The holidays are fast approaching. I found this very old video from the 1950’s, about a family celebrating Thanksgiving. I’ve seen movies similar to this on YouTube. I don’t know their history, but morality plays seemed to be common in the 1950’s. They are fascinating to me. Very sincere.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. Doug is leading worship at a church in Haverhill tomorrow. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I’ll be able to join him—having some weird (and painful) foot issues.

God bless you and yours. I hope you find yourself in good company.

Breakfast Casseroles Mean Love

Once a month, we have a leadership meeting for the ministry volunteers. Serving breakfast is the least we can do for these awesome folks. And, you know, if you’re going to ask someone to give up part of their Saturday to sit in a church basement, you should offer them a little more than a cup of coffee, right? I love our volunteers. They’re some of my favorite people.

Attendance to our meetings varies from month to month—it’s never a full house—so I’m rarely cooking for more than a dozen people. I can handle that pretty well, and I really enjoy it a lot. I love being able to do something to show them how much they mean to us. It’s a little something, but hopefully they know there is a lot of love in their breakfast casserole.

Tomorrow, I am serving Paula Dean’s French Toast Casserole, lots of bacon and sausage, and fresh berries. I haven’t made a French Toast Casserole in many moons, so I hope it comes out well. Doug scoffed at the four pounds of bacon, but I don’t think it will be enough. Ten men can eat a lot of bacon!

Well, I’ hope you have a great weekend.  I’ll let you know if the casserole was success in tonight’s Saturday Evening Post.

God bless you today! ❤

About Maria

A couple days ago I posted about Maria Montessori-inspired games I had made for my granddaughter. Michel Fauquet, one of my dear, blogging friends, shared a quote of her’s with me:

“The action comes ahead of the thought,
and the thought comes from the action.”

Maria Montessori (1870-1952)

I really liked that quote, because it seemed to apply to what I have witnessed with Lucy. I wanted to share this one, too:

“Do not tell them how to do it.
Show the how to do it and do not say a word.
If you tell them, they will watch your lips move.
If you show them, they will want to do it themselves.”
Maria Montessori (1870-1952)

That quote really spoke to me. We always hear, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Yet, children really only do what they see. They copy us. It’s very interesting, and very compelling.  It also rings true with my play times with Lucy. One of her games is putting beads on pipe cleaners. She watched with such intensity as I did it, and then did it herself. We played silently for several minutes. Silently! I was in awe.

Today, we played with Play-Doh. I was telling her to squish it, but she didn’t quite get it. Then, I squished it for her, and she smiled. She got it. We sat in near silence. I rolled the Play-Doh into a ball, and she would squish it. (By the way, Lucy is 22-months-old.)

Really interesting. I’m enjoying all that Lucy is teaching me.

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Building A Case Against God

Every hero of the faith has had to make an ultimate choice to trust God with everything. They had to be willing to risk it all—their dreams, their fortune, their health, their reputation, their very life.

Consider the choices these heroes of the faith had to make:

  • Esther’s willing to enter the King’s chambers.
  • Daniel’s refusal to bow.
  • Abigail falling to her face before David.
  • Mary accepting the words of Gabriel.
  • Noah preparing the wood for an ark.
  • Elisabeth Elliot staying in the jungle with her toddler.
  • Ruth laying at Boaz’s feet.
  • Gladys Aylward riding that Siberian train alone.
  • Stella Cooper flying to Cuba without the money for a return ticket.
  • Moses returning to his adoptive home with a divine command.
  • George Mueller taking in that first orphan.
  • David Wilkerson standing up in that NYC courtroom.

I could go on and on! Thank God for the many examples we have to follow of men and women of God choosing to trust the Lord. They each had to decide if they were truly going to live for God, or for themselves. Because they chose to surrender to the Lord’s call, God’s will was done.

Now, most of us would never count ourselves in the same category as any of the men and women listed above, these giants of the faith. In fact, we may even look at them and be thankful that God would never require of us what He required of them.

Yet, history proves that thinking to be very wrong. The fact is that God absolutely calls us all to live a life of that kind of surrender and faith. It’s not like high school, where only college-bound students had to take a third science or extra-curricular activity. There are no “AP” Christians.

Of course, we all have a different call on our life. We aren’t all meant to serve in China. That point of decision for us may not be a matter of life and death—though it might feel like it. Whatever that thing that God is asking of us, that place of surrender He brought us to,  is hard enough. We know it is the course that God has set for us. We know deep down. We may not understand how it’s part of His plan, His perfect will, but we know. And, something keeps us from surrendering. We allow our flesh—our unbelief, fear, pride, something—to crowd out our faith and obedience.


When we resist the call to surrender, something horrible happens. We find ourselves in a place outside of God’s will. We find ourselves in a place of compromise. We are not eternally separated from God, but we have rejected Him. We have disobeyed. We try to convince ourselves that we can reach the same destination by following our own map, but that will not go well for us. How can it go well?

And, some of us are going to blame God, when things go poorly. We are going to accuse Him of not answering prayer, of not providing, of not hearing, of not healing, of not loving. These incidents will each then become a piece of evidence in our secret case against God. Each failure convinces us that we were right to not trust Him with “that other thing.”

I’m sorry to say it, but things will get worse. That place where we have failed to surrender is going to be a constant stumbling block for us. The longer we stay on this course, the sooner we will find ourselves falling into sin. We don’t want to fall into sin. We don’t want to fall away from God. Yet, what else could possibly happen? We’ve chosen to not follow Him, to not trust Him.  Our rebellion against His will is compromising our spiritual intimacy with Him. We just cannot obey God in part, you see? But, we will take offense at that biblical truth. In fact, we will find more and more in the Bible with which to take offense, pulling ourselves further and further away from the Lord.

We have not yet lost faith in Christ, but we will become Christians who proclaim Him with their words, but whose actions and reactions deny Him. They will tell the true story.

The days will pass on.

Each time something we imagine should happen doesn’t happen, each time the things we believe God should be doing aren’t done, we will have more evidence in our file—one more charge we raise against God.

As our heart inevitably grows colder, we will become more and more convinced that God cannot be trusted at all.

Our case against Him grows.


It doesn’t have to keep growing, though.

We can repent.

It’s easy to do.

After all, God wants us to be in right standing with Him. The Holy Spirit has not stopped reminding us of our need to surrender, no matter how much we try to ignore Him. Am I right? God helps us obey Him. He’ll even help us make-up lost time.

My mother used to say that there was no more miserable person in the world than the person who had rejected God’s will, ignored His call. It’s a call you can’t unhear, you see? You can only run from it, like Jonah.

Thankfully, God’s mercy is constant and follows us, just as it followed Jonah. He pursues us, reminding us of His call.

“Then I said, ‘O Lord, you have rejected me and cast me away. How shall I ever again see your holy Temple?’ I sank beneath the waves, and death was very near.

“The waters closed above me; the seaweed wrapped itself around my head. I went down to the bottoms of the mountains that rise from the ocean floor.

“I was locked out of life and imprisoned in the land of death. But, O Lord my God, you have snatched me from the yawning jaws of death!

“When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord. And my earnest prayer went to you in your holy Temple.” Jonah 2:4-7

Jonah knew all along that he was wrong, but it took a hellish experience to bring him to repentance. And, surrender. Reading his story, we see the proof that God does accept us in our worst place of rebellion. And, He DOES help us make up lost time. He does help us accomplish that which He called us to do.

If you can identify with this at all, if you have that secret file of accusations against God that pull out with each disappointment, I pray you will not wait a minute longer to repent and surrender. Sometimes, there are people who refuse. Their flesh is strong from so many years of feeding it and exercising it. They are not easily humbled. We can pray not to be that way. We can pray and ask God to spare us from having to learn the really hard way—like in the depths of the sea and the belly of a great fish. We can ask the Holy Spirit to humble us. We can ask Him to help us repent. To show us how we need to repent. And, we can ask Him to help us obey.

If we wait until we feel like it, until we’re “feeling it,” we’ll be sorry. Repentance and surrender are not acts of our feelings, but of our will. Don’t will yourself into a deeper, darker place. Throw out that case against God. Drop those false charges against Him. Admit your disobedience, and choose obedience now.

God bless you all.
❤️

”Who’s Ready?”

The Pastor concluded his sermon with a question:

“So, who’s ready to follow Jesus onto the mission field today?”

He was only half-serious. He knew his congregation well enough—a smallish group of young families and retired couples. These were good folks who loved Jesus, but to imagine any of them even receiving a call to the foreign mission field, much less answering it, could probably put a strain on even his faith. He was just trying to make a point.

And, his congregation responded just as he expected. They laughed and looked at each other, nodding their heads at one another as if to say, “Our pastor’s so funny!”

Then, at the rear of the sanctuary there was a sudden movement. A voice rang out: “Me! I’m ready to go!”

The congregation turned their heads. Her husband was standing in the aisle. She looked up at him in stunned silence, as both of his hands were raised high above his head. What is he doing? He was dead serious.

She felt herself sinking lower into the pew, as the entire congregation looked their way. There were a few Amens, and some good-hearted laughter. They might not be taking him seriously, but they did admire his zeal. The Pastor acknowledged his enthusiasm and issued an appropriately affirming statement, but then pressed on with the service.

She quickly forgot about her husband’s impetuous response to the Pastor’s appeal that day. Why, between his health issues and mine, we wouldn’t last a week on a foreign mission field!

It was the summer of 2002, and just the beginning.

Quiet Games for Toddlers: Pipe Cleaners

This past Spring I did some research on quiet books and ended up finding a lot of Montessori-inspired activities for my granddaughter. I put together about a dozen games. Some of them are more advanced than her development, but she’s growing into them.

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Now, there was one activity that I thought was really dumb, but it has ended up being a favorite. It’s very simple: give a child a colander and some pipe cleaners. Teach them to poke the pipe cleaners into the colander holes, and voila! Happy child!

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I honestly thought that sounded so boring, but it’s proven to be one of Lucy’s favorite games (at least, for now). She will play very happily for a lot longer than one might expect.

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I did create a variation of the game that is portable, used the lid from a spice container and the base from a container of decorating sprinkles, because I wanted a flip-up lid that couldn’t get lost.

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Speaking of lids, she decided on her own that she would close the lid after inserting a piece of pipe cleaner.

 

This activity was very affordable. I actually had all the supplies already, but I did buy some more pipe cleaners ($1).  When we first played this game, she was 18-months old. She wasn’t very good – I would put the pipe cleaner in for her, and she would push it. Now, she just goes for it. And, has started becoming imaginative with it, too.

It is beyond fun watching her grow. We know we are very blessed to have this time with our daughter and her family. Having them so close is a priceless gift. ❤

 

 

Newsletter Day

The ministry newsletter always takes me longer to prepare than I expect it to take.

I mean, always. Even when I am not writing the bulk of the message, like this current newsletter.

So, it’s been a very long day, and a very late night. This will have to be my blog post for the day. Actually, Sunday.

I guess I should share the newsletter with you here: NBF FIELD REPORT

The Saxophone Player and me.

Saturday Evening Post: 10/13/18

Incredible to think we are in mid-October. Yikes.

Blog-tober Update

On October 6th, I spontaneously decided the make October Blog-tober. This meant I would post every day, with five extra posts added here and there to compensate for the first five days of the month I’d missed.

I initiated Blog-tober for a few reasons, and so far it’s doing what I hoped it would do—increase my discipline, and force me to finish some pieces that were rotting away in my drafts folder. As of today, I have posted eight times, which means I am on track for one-a-day, but still five days behind.

Zinnias

We’re coming to the end of the season here. Tonight, I heard we might get frost, so Doug and I went out and harvested the blooms. I don’t know if we’ll get many more flower days, but I hope we do, Lots of buds on the plants.

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It’s Sunday. Where am I?

Doug is filling the pulpit, as they say, for a pastor in Shirley, MA tomorrow. There is a large state prison in Shirley, where Doug has served in the past and has begun serving in, again. Who knows. Maybe, this church will host the first  New Brothers Fellowship Discipleship Group in Shirley.

Where will you be on Sunday? Hope you have a place to gather with other Believers. 🙂