This is a post from my daughter.
I have always been pro-life, let’s get that out of the way. I’m 12 weeks pregnant, one week away from being out of my first trimester. This week, my baby can open and close their fists,…
Source: Carrying life made me pro-life.
I am sure that if I watched it today, I would be a little horrified.
However, when I was 18-years-old, the movie “Purple Rain” was heart-wrenching and life-changing. It was pure passion—for justice, for creativity, and for self-expression. A boy, whose face I cannot even recall, took me to a movie theater is Los Cerritos to see it. The theater was jam-packed. I sat upright the whole time, completely captivated. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.
I admit I did not understand a lot of what was happening, and those are probably the parts that would horrify me now, but at the time I saw goodness and heart and commitment. I saw something I had never seen on screen before: an uncompromising artist.
After the movie, I was exhilarated. This is what I wanted: to make movies that moved people. To live without compromise and do what I was created to do. Prince was uncompromising and passionate to the nth degree, and I deeply admired him.
My faceless date? He was unmoved, and I never went out with him, again. From that day on, a person’s response to “Purple Rain” became a litmus test for me. “Did you like ‘Purple Rain’?” Honestly, I never met anyone who matched my enthusiasm. It’s lonely being an emo kid.
Yet, a couple years later I did meet someone. We were working together at Kinko’s Copies, and one day Prince came up in conversation. At almost the same time we asked each other:
“Did you like ‘Purple Rain’?”
So, that is why I sometimes says Prince brought me and my husband together. He was a much bigger fan than I was, but the only person who ever matched my effusive love for a little movie from the ’80s. While Prince always held a spot in our hearts, we did move away from his music many moons ago. The pursuit of God ultimately became our shared passion. Thank You, Jesus, for that.
I am so sorry to hear of Prince’s death today. I think this little video tells a great story of his passion for music and art. I will always admire that.
❤
I answered this question 15 years ago, almost to the day. My answer surprised me, and changed my life.
Over the years, this question has become a self-examination I like to take again from time to time. It’s become a way for me to just take inventory of my life, and confront places of spiritual neglect, unbelief, and disobedience.
Bear in mind, you can’t think about, or contemplate, your answer. You have to say the first thing that comes to mind.
And, you have to say it out loud. That’s absolutely essential.
Blurt it out!
You don’t have be very loud, but loud enough for your brain to hear you. Trust me on this.
OK. Here we go. Are you ready? If you want to share your answer, please do in a comment. However, I’ll understand if you want to keep it private. As this question has a way of revealing the deep things of the heart, I like to keep my answers private until I’ve had a chance to process what they mean.
Here is a pretty picture to cleanse your mental palate.
Remember: first thing that comes to mind.
I can’t let this day pass, without noting that today is the Saxophone Player’s birthday. Today, my husband turned 50-years-old!
Isn’t that the coolest thing? I was thinking about how neat it is that I have known him so long, through so much of his life’s phases and stages and experiences. I knew him when! I love that. I am a witness to so many turning points in his life’s history. I’ve had the blessing and privilege to share so many special moments with him.
So, upon the occasion of his reaching the half-century mark, I thought I would take a short trip down memory lane to remember some of the “days of his life,” although I knew him when he used to watch “General Hospital.” 😀
I knew him when…
…he was an atheist, and God was completely inconsequential to his life.
.. his only desire in life was to play jazz.
…he began to question his unbelief.
…he carried around a pocket New Testament everywhere he went.
…he stood before the church to make a public confession of Christ.
I knew him when…
…he never tucked in his shirt tails, and all his shirt’s were his Dad’s hand-me-downs.
…he used more hair product than Justin Bieber.
…he always had a tan!
…he only owned clip-on neckties.
…he intentionally bleached a pair of dress black pants, because he thought they looked cooler that way.
I knew him when…
…he would take his Mom tostada salads from their favorite Mexican restaurant.
…he gave his only coat to a homeless man.
…he played in a cover band with his brother.
…he thought chips and a can of bean dip meant dinner.
…he did not know how to play piano, but felt so compelled to learn.
…he was an Assistant Manager of a Kinko’s Copies.
…he earned $16,000 a year.
…he earned six-figures.
I knew him when…
…he wrote his first “Christian” song.
…he led his first worship service.
…he stood behind a pulpit for the first time, telling people about NBF.
…he chose to follow his convictions, no matter the cost.
…he recognized his daughter was in love.
I could go on, but it is almost midnight!
You know, it is a very special thing to get to share life with someone, to experience so many firsts in their life. I hope there are many more! It really is such a privilege to be married to my husband.
Happy birthday, Saxophone Player!
Bad things happen.
People make mistakes. Say the wrong thing. Do the wrong thing. React and act out. It just happens. No one is always perfectly behaved, and sometimes our actions hurt other people.
When our actions hurt others, and there is a breech in relationship, repairing that breech and restoring the relationship need to be a top priority. One of the first steps we should take is issuing an apology.
Simple enough, right? We go to the offended party, admit our wrong doing, acknowledge the hurt we have caused, and say we are sorry.
If we are Jesus people, and our offense was sinful, we must also repent to the Lord. That is an absolute must, as our sinfulness also created a breech between us and God.
Still sounds easy, yes?
Well, not always. Repentance is pretty easy, but apologizing right can be hard.
DO YOU KNOW SELFISH SAM?
Sometimes, we are in relationships with people like Selfish Sam. Selfish Sam isn’t a bad guy. At least, he says he wants to be good. Yet, he isn’t really ready or willing or able to either recognize his wrong doing, or acknowledge how his offense has hurt another person’s feelings. People like Selfish Sam seem to think they inhabit a bubble, where their selfish or thoughtless actions only touch themselves.
Or, maybe they think everyone else is made of stone, with no feelings at all.
I recently witnessed an apology from someone a lot like Selfish Sam, and it spurred this post. His apology sounded a little like this: “I’m sorry, but there’s only so much I can take of her staring out a window crying. How am I supposed to put up with that?”
Yeah, I was horrified, too.
He went on to to say, “I always apologize. And, I always have a reason why I’m angry, and why I do the things I do.”
Did I mention how self-righteous he was about having an excuse for his wicked behavior? It was painful to watch this display of selfishness and arrogance, without saying something I might regret.
My tongue has almost recovered.
SAYING SORRY
“How else am I supposed to react, when he does that?”
“I know I am wrong, but he’s wrong, too!”
“I’m sorry, but she just makes me so mad!”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault.”
“I can’t help myself.”
When I hear these kinds of apologies, I know I’m listening to someone who still doesn’t get it. They are still not taking responsibility for their own behavior, and until we can own that, we aren’t apologizing well. We are acting like immature babies.
This is what an apology isn’t:
It is going to take time for an immature person to understand that their actions aren’t all about them. Some folks lack empathy, and really cannot see how their behavior impacts others.
In those cases, if a person is really sorry, give them credit for that. It’s an important step. They may not understand the depth of hurt they have caused someone else, but that’s our opportunity to help them grow into more mature and caring people (Proverbs 27:17).
Note to Remember: our goal should be restoration in any relationship that has suffered a breech. That is not always possible, or profitable, but when it is, it is a responsibility of both parties. Always be willing to do your part.
A LITTLE EMPATHY GOES A LONG WAY
Sympathy is important. It shows we care that something bad has happened to someone; and it definitely has its place. However, not when we are the offender. The last thing offended an party wants is our pity. The last thing they need is for us to feel sorry for them. They want us to understand the seriousness of what we have done, and do something to show it won’t happen again.
The best way to do that is through empathy.
Empathy is identifying with another person’s feelings. It takes a measure of selflessness to do that, because we have to let our guard down. We have to be willing to suspend our preconceived notions and let go of our own perceptions. We have to be willing to accept that the other person’s point of view is 100% valid.
There may be some errors in their understanding of what happened, and they may be reacting in a bigger way than they should, but an apology is not the time to judge whether or not a person’s reaction is immature or if their point of view and how they feel is 100% fair or right. Explain yourself, correct the facts. In a relationship, there will be time to work those things out.
Saying we are sorry for what we did wrong is good, but understanding how the other person feels—as if the offense had happened to us, but instead of being us, we are them—is so important. This is not easy to do, but it helps us take responsibility for what we have done, and works to not only preserve our relationship, but strengthens the bond we share with the person we have done wrong.
The mark of a good apology is one that convinces the wounded party that their feelings are more important than the feelings of the offender. A good apology acknowledges that the other person was hurt, taken for granted, misused, or ignored.
Let me give you an example…
A brother steals his little sister’s favorite doll and uses it to play astronaut. He straps the doll to a rocket and fires it up. The doll falls back to earth in the neighborhood pond. She is lost forever, and the sister believes her doll has suffered a terrible death, and that she has forever lost her best friend.
Being older and wiser, the brother knows dolls do not die. He also knows that his sister will have many best friends in life, and a doll cannot really be a best friend anyway. His temptation is to discount her emotional reaction, because he recognizes it is immature and incorrect. He apologizes for taking the doll without permission and losing the doll in the pond, but he doesn’t acknowledge that his selfishness and poor judgment have caused her tremendous heartache. He just sees her doll as something that be easily replaced. Why should she be so upset?
This is a lack of empathy. When we are saying to ourselves, or others, that they shouldn’t be so upset, that it wasn’t that bad, or they’re overreacting, we are showing a lack of empathy. The brother doesn’t empathize with his sister’s feelings. He is judging her feelings as invalid, and therefore not putting her feelings first. From his point of view, it was just an inexpensive toy. He does not acknowledge the impact of his actions on her personally. Consequently, he has not gotten to know his sister better, he has not repaired the breech in their relationship, he has not helped restore trust, and has he not learned to be more sensitive to the feelings of others.
What has he learned? Not to launch his rockets near the pond.
ARE YOU THE OFFENDED, OR THE OFFENDER?
In such cases, where a nominal apology has been given, it will seem that all is back to normal. After all, the offender apologized, and the offended has forgiven.
Yet, under the surface there is still an unsettled feeling, and try though they might, the offended is finding it hard to trust the offender, again. The breech was not repaired. The relationship has been left vulnerable. The next offense, no matter how minor, will bring more destructive. The breech will widen, and it will be harder and harder for that relationship to survive—especially as a healthy relationship.
This is why it is so important for us to learn to apologize in a meaningful and effective way, to be sure we have shown our sincere concern for the other’s feelings. We can only do that through an honest expression of empathy.
You may be reading this is and saying to yourself, “This is ridiculous! I don’t need someone to empathize with me, or understand my feelings. People need to get over it!”
That might work for you, but it might not work for the person you’ve hurt, offended, misused, or taken for granted.
Ask yourself this: do you end up losing more relationships than you keep? Do you find yourself often blaming others for failing you, or forcing you out of their life? I encourage you to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart. It may be that you are putting your own feelings before the feelings of others, and never realized it. It may not be intentional, but a reaction to your own unresolved heartache and mistreatment. The Holy Spirit can heal that hurt, if we will trust Him with it.
On the other hand…are you reading this and thinking about a wrong apology you have received, or a wrong doing you have suffered? Are your trying to cope with hurt feelings that just don’t seem to heal? Does it seem that you are the only one who can recognize the breech in a relationship? Do you feel resentment or anger or heartache over a long-awaited apology that still hasn’t arrived?
I want to urge you to go to consider Matthew 5:9, where the Lord calls us to be peacemakers. Partner that passage with Matthew 18:15-17, which instructs the one who is offended to go to the offender. Your temptation may be to believe the person who owes you an apology also has the responsibility to come to you, but the Bible shows us it works both ways. If you are sitting on an offense, you have an obligation to tell the person. How can it be right to allow that breech to sit unattended, growing wider by the day? Is that being a peacemaker?
Whether it is an unacknowledged offense, or an apology that just didn’t hit the spot, so to speak, go to your brother or sister. Don’t hesitate! “Hey, I know you apologized, but I’m still struggling with this. My feelings were really hurt, and it doesn’t seem like you even care about me.” If they’re clueless, clue them in: “You probably don’t realize it, but when you did/said that, it really made me feel bad.” As I mentioned above, our goal should be restoration in any relationship that has suffered a breech—whether we are responsible for the breech, to not.
Folks, let’s not hold grudges, or give place in our heart to bitterness. Let’s give people a chance to do the right thing. And, let’s do it ourselves. Be quick to acknowledge hurt we have caused, and quick to show empathy and offer sincere apologies. This will absolutely require being willing to take down some walls, or at least open some doors, to share with the other our hurt, or to acknowledge our failure. In either case, it is ultimately pride that will hinder such intimacy.
Yet, such intimacy can bring abundant rewards. While some relationships will not survive an offense, I believe that if we repair these breeches with healthy apologies and forgiveness, a relationship can prosper in spite of even numerous offenses. Even in a very dark, a place that has perhaps been dormant for years, the light of truth can bring forth new life. And, I believe this because it is my testimony. It is my own story.
I hope and pray you will find something here that ministers to you.
God bless you all!
Today my Mother would have been 85.
I never imagined my Mother dying. I thought she would just live and live, until the Lord returned. He had other plans, and I don’t argue with Him. I see His hand in her life, and in her death. I feel His comfort in my loss, though the missing doesn’t stop. As I watch my friends mourn their own mother’s, I know the missing never stops. Moms are just too much a part of us. We enter life listening to their heartbeat. They become the rhythm of our life. Their absence is always profound.
I have friends who did not have good mothers. Or, lost their mother very young. So, I know I was blessed to have a mother like mine, and to have her as long as I did. I am grateful for every minute we shared. I wish every memory was a good one, and I wish I had no regrets. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that way, when it comes to those loved ones we have “lost.” However, I am so grateful for what was good.
And, there was so much good.
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Women don’t lie about being abused.
There is too much shame attached. Of course, this isn’t to say there aren’t women who will lie, so maybe I should qualify my statement: I have found that a woman in a marriage she values and wants to keep, to a man she loves and believes in, is more likely to lie by saying she has not been abused, than to lie by saying she has been abused.
And, just in case you aren’t sure where she stands in regards to her husband and her marriage, always assume she is telling the truth.
On the same note, I have found that when a man—any man—makes any statement of denial concerning abuse, he is always judging by his definition of abuse.
And, he is always wrong.
FUZZY SLIPPERS
Recently, a pastor and his wife became quite famous, as she advocated for his freedom from an Iranian prison. He was finally released last month, but the joy of his homecoming was dampened by her confession to supporters that he had been an abusive jerk.
(I might have added the “jerk” part.)
Instead of welcoming him home with open arms, she filed papers and sent the kids. They both remain in the public eye, seeking public affirmation, and claiming they want to keep their troubles “private.” As they both post about their private life on Facebook and grant interviews to the press, their claims to want privacy seem a little disingenuous.
All things being equal, he’s getting the lion’s share of the media attention, and she’s winning the Facebook sympathy vote. Her defenders, aka Team Wife, gather around and reinforce her victimization, while Team Husband assures him this is the Devil’s work. It is how church folks traditionally handle these kind of troubles.
Feeling sorry for the victim is natural, if not very helpful. It’s probably the main reason it took me so long to trust anyone to pray with me for my husband. I knew a pat on the hand wasn’t going to help me. Yes, his abuse hurt me very much, but I knew God did not define him by his sin. Of course, I wanted comforting—living in an abusive marriage is like walking in shoes that are not only too tight, but have cut glass for insoles. I was not about to refuse a pair of fuzzy slippers, but I did not want pity. I wanted prayer partners to stand in the gap for us both. I wanted warring saints who would not fight against my husband, but fight the Enemy on his behalf.
Let me tell you, there were very few people I could trust. There were even fewer who actually believed he could be delivered.
I don’t know enough about these two people to know if they really want to save their marriage, but if they do, they are doing it wrong. For more than three years they portrayed themselves as martyrs for the cause of Christ, and now that their secret sins have been brought into the light they each still want to play the martyr in their marriage. Even worse, they are allowing the court of public opinion to try their cases against each other.
It’s not okay. In fact, it’s sickening. Well-intentioned Christians are feeding their egos with scores of Facebook comments. Articles and interviews are skewed in favor of whichever victim the publication wants to defend. I suspect ghost writers have already been hired, with book deals under negotiation.
You can say I’m being critical, or worse, but I don’t think I’m wrong. And, what you may not be detecting in my words is the real concern I have for them, and for the Body of Christ. If we actually care about these two people, then we should pray they stop this public show.
I have walked many miles in the shoes this woman now walks, which is the only reason I have the right to say anything. And, I know there are women reading this who are examining their own shoes right now and saying, “Yeah, those look familiar.” While this woman may never read my words of exhortation, those who are reading these words need to know that there is hope. Being in an abusive marriage doesn’t mean you must endure a life of suffering. However, you will have to reject the easy comfort of those fuzzy slippers. The proper footwear for a woman married to a High-Maintenance Man is combat boots.
COMBAT BOOTS
If you love your husband and want to save your marriage, despite his abusive behavior, I am going to share the short and simple advice I give every woman married to an abusive man. Of course, I prefer the term High Maintenance Men. I coined the term years ago, because I thought it accurately described a man who wasn’t exactly easy to love, but very much worth loving. Men cannot stay high maintenance, though. That is not God’s will. However, He has provided a way for men with abusive behaviors to be transformed by the power and grace of God at work in their lives, and when they have a Proverbs 31 woman willing to walk that walk of faith with them, they really are guaranteed to succeed.
God is always on the side of those who seek after righteousness!
So, here are seven, simple steps to get started. (Sorry for the alliteration. It wasn’t on purpose!) Mind you: this is my simple version, with minimal detail, but maybe enough to stir your heart to faith and action.
Remember, what God did for me He will gladly do for you, too!
Step 1: Do not protect him.
There are many kinds of abuse. If you are being physically abused, or if he is engaged in illegal activity, leave or make him leave. Call the authorities. God does not honor our protecting him from the consequences of his illegal behavior, and physically hurting you—or anyone else—is illegal.
Step 2: Put your faith in God.
If you are not a Christian, these shoes definitely won’t fit comfortably. Of course, knowing Christ isn’t a hard thing. Click HERE. Then, come right back. I’ll wait. 🙂
Step 3: Forgive him.
Sometimes, we hold onto forgiveness like a trophy we will only bestow upon our husband once he has proven himself worthy. Bad idea! This is completely contrary to the Word of God, which makes it clear that unforgiveness is a sin that separates us from the Lord and frustrates His will in our lives. The truth is, unforgiveness is as great a transgression as his abuse. They both divide you from God, and from one another, and you cannot win this fight for your marriage without spiritual unity. You need to be playing for the same team! Holding onto unforgiveness is giving place to the Enemy, and that will only bring more division. It is a very spiritually powerless position that will almost guarantee the end of your marriage.
Step 4: Trusting him is optional.
Abuse violates trust. The Bible makes no place for holding onto unforgiveness, but it also does not demand we trust. I was very glad to realize that forgiving is not trusting. Trust has to be earned. Even God knows that, which is how we know we can trust Him.
Step 5: Trusting Him is essential.
Recovery is a process that takes time. Walking this road from brokenness to healing is going to require you have Someone to lean on every step of the way, and the only person who will be there for you even before you call to Him for help, is God. Putting your trust in Him as you begin this fight really is essential.
Step 6: Pursue Him.
No one is 100% innocent. Sometimes, women find that they are allowing a lot of “little” sins, like unforgiveness, into their life, and justifying them with his bad behavior. They don’t think of their discontentment as sin. Or, maybe, it’s gossip or greed they overlook. Or, just spiritually neglecting our walk with the Lord. There are so many ways we transgress. This is why I urge you to invite the Holy Spirit to examine your heart, to see if there are any “wicked ways” in you. Then, repent. And, keep repenting. And, then begin to pursue God like you did back in the day, when you were new to your faith. Stop skipping services, and other opportunities to be in fellowship. Take in every anointed sermon you can find (Sermon Index is a great source), and read the Word for yourself. Surround yourself with the Word. Make posters and hang them up around your house! Listen to worship music that is filled with spiritual truth. Pray like every prayer is a life-sustaining breath. You will need to be spiritually fit to fight this battle, so pursue the Lord with all your heart, as if your life depends on it.
Step 7: Leave him to God.
Let God take care him. Hopefully, you are working together to reconcile, so there should be much spiritual fellowship going on, but don’t take the position of being his spiritual mentor. You should not disciple your husband. The Holy Spirit may well use you to exhort and encourage him, but let God have His way with Him. Pray for him, tell God all the thing you think He needs to fix in him, but leave him to God.
NEW SHOES
The burden of recovery is not meant to be entirely on one person. Sometimes, one member is more able to take the steps of faith necessary to begin the process, but ultimately it takes two willing souls. It is a shared burden, and a shared blessing, through which God can do a wonderful and remarkable work of restoration. And, restoration is my hope for this couple I’ve discussed, and for anyone reading this who is living under abuse.
Sister, kick off those shoes! If you need to pad around in fuzzy slippers for a time, give those blisters a chance to heal, that’s OK. However, you can’t stay in that easy place. You need to get to the work of fighting the spiritual battle that comes with being that Proverbs 31 woman. Abigail did not rush to confront David in her fuzzies! She knew what she was facing, and she was equipped and ready.
One day—this is the good news you need to remember every day—this fight will be over. It really will! And, when it is done you can put those combat boots away. You won’t throw them out, because you are a Proverbs 31 woman. However, they won’t be your daily uniform. You’ll get to go out and buy yourself a brand new pair of any shoes you want! And, you can let him buy them for you.
Hey, married people.
Just a reminder: you are one in the spirit. What you do impacts each other, which is why you are allowed/expected/obligated to speak up and act out on behalf of one another’s life, health, spirituality, well-being, etc.
If you don’t want to be accountable to anyone, or for anyone, move into a cave and good luck to you. If you want to be happily married, hold each other accountable. Help each other make good decisions. Tell each other the choices that you think are wrong, and help each other make better ones.
Pray for each other like your life depends on it, because it does.
If he or she says it’s none of your business, show him that ring on your finger. You tell him he made it your business when he asked, “Marry me?” She made it your business when she said, “Yes.” You have a right to not only disagree, but force the issue. You have a right to expect your spouse live a life that conforms to the Word of God.
Marriage is hard. It is harder still for anyone who claims Christ as Lord. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or be afraid, though, when it feels too hard to handle. Just take action. Start on your knees, and keep moving. Fight the good fight of faith for your spouse, for your marriage, for your family, and for your future. God’s gift should not be taken lightly. He or she has been entrusted to your care, and his or her spiritual maturity depends on you.
Period.
Oh, I know, they have a free will. They will make choices outside of the counsel of God. That is absolutely right, and we are NEVER responsible for our spouse’s decision to sin. However, the choice to sin isn’t the end of the story. In fact, in many ways it is just the beginning.
Once upon a time the happily married
—though possibly oblivious—
spouse discovered his/her spouse
had forsaken his/her vows…
How that story ends depends on you.
I am praying for you today. It is God’s will to use your marriage as a showpiece of His love for mankind. No matter how broken your marriage may be today, or how badly your spouse has forsaken you, I pray that hope will overtake doubt, and faith will conquer fear. God is able. I can say that with all assurance, because of all that He has done for me.
“If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am. God, the Father of our Lord Jesus, who is worthy of eternal praise, knows I am not lying.” (2 Corinthians 11:30-31)
We have two bathroom scales.
The second scale was a freebie, and we use it for the Bluetooth feature that connects it to an app on our phones and tracks our weight changes. When I discovered that the Bluetooth scale measured my weight about four pounds less than the other scale, I decided I would weigh myself on both—I know the other scale is accurate.
However, I recently noticed that I always manage to “forget” to check my weight on the accurate scale. Apparently, tracking my weight on my phone has become more important than knowing what I really weigh. I gave up striving for any particular weight goal a long time ago, but that smaller number was very alluring. It was so alluring, in fact, that I started telling myself little white lies in order to maintain the delusion!
Maybe, the Bluetooth scale isn’t really wrong?
Maybe, I’m wrong to think the other scale is right?
I know the other scale always matches the scale in the doctor’s office, but maybe the doctor’s scale is wrong, too?
Mind you, all of this is happening in my sub-conscious. I was having a little conversation with myself, right in front of myself! While getting on my sneakers or reviewing my weight record, in the back of mind I was making excuses. I heard myself telling myself this very statement: “Oh, darn, I already put my socks on. I was going to weigh myself on the other scale, but I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.”
It’s ridiculous! I tell myself it will be a rude awakening the next time I visit my doctor, but then I imagine whipping out my phone to show the doc my app. “See? Look at this wonderful, scientific app I use. This is what I weigh in my world.” I don’t think she’ll be very impressed!
I know I do this with others things, too. I think we all do it. Instead of accepting the reality of a situation, we choose to believe a “truth” of our own making. Have you ever told yourself a little white lie about spiritual things?
I’ll do better tomorrow.
This is the last time.
It’s not that bad.
At least I don’t do what she does,
I’ll read/give/do/pray more next time.
It’s doesn’t mean anything.
At least I know it’s wrong.
Little white lies about the number on a scale are one thing. The disapproving looks of my doctor cannot compare to the day of reckoning that awaits me if I am telling myself little white lies about the spiritual “compromise” in my life. They may help ease my guilt and veil my shame, but the Spirit of God is not very impressed!
A quick search of the Bible tells us that being a Christian means living in relationship with Christ; being in relationship with Christ means becoming His disciple; and becoming His disciple means becoming more like Him.
“Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, ‘I know Him,’ and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. 6 He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.” (1 John 2:3-6, NKJV)
I know some have thrown their bathroom scales away, calling them a false measure of beauty and denouncing the pursuit of physical perfection. I heartily agree! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and physical perfection is as elusive as nitrate-free pepperoni! The Word of God is not something we can throw away, though. If we are not keeping His commandments, there is no truth in us! Those little white lies we tell ourselves to help us remain complacently in sin will separate us not only from our identity with Christ, but our eternity with Him, as well. Is that a price worth paying for a momentary comfort?
Oh, it’s not! We know the price of our sin is too high, but we keep gambling with our eternity. Our little white lies convince us we are not like “those people,” you know the ones? They have a sin problem. We’re just relaxing. Our prayer-starved spirit is too weak to care and too lazy to battle the onslaught of temptation. Our sin-plumped flesh gleefully ignores the call to be like Christ.
Be ye holy; for I am holy. (1 Peter 1:16b)
So, what hope do we have? Well, the Bible tells us. When we make the decision to walk as spiritual people, as Christ did, we soon find we lose our appetite for sin. The taste of compromise makes our stomach turn, and we quickly get back into step with Christ. Our sins stand out in sharp contrast to His holiness, but when we are walking with Him we are compelled by His compassion to repent. Fellowship with Christ draws to be more like Him. I don’t want to hide from the glaring truth of my failures. I want to cover them with the blood of Jesus so that nothing can separate me from His presence! I am drawn into His loving arms where I am filled with His love, restored through His acceptance, and transformed by His forgiveness. Oh, nothing can compare!
Please, make Psalm 139: 23 & 24 your prayer. Let Him search your heart. It is the best prayer we can pray, because it is a prayer in agreement with His Word. He will be faithful to answer it! Don’t be afraid to step on His scale, my friend. He will not look at your with scorn. He draw you to Himself with His everlasting love!
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139: 23 & 24)
The new Bride observed the beautiful flowers the Saxophone Player brought me at Christmastime. “Tell my husband to buy me flowers, too,” she said. I laughed to myself and thought, You’ve been married for two weeks. Give the guy a chance!
I know women aren’t all alike, but some of us need romance like we need rainy days in bed—and, if that evoked images of cozy sweaters, good books, and hot tea, you are clearly on that team. Those romantic gestures are more than a breath of fresh air for the likes of us—they are the breath of life!
So, for all the new husbands and old, who may think flowers are a luxury to be saved for birthdays and anniversaries, please consider the following list.
The Saxophone Player's Wife 