My Life

That One Time, When We Made Music

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Once upon a time, before we had ever heard of New Brothers Fellowship, we were on another mission.

For about 15 years, the Holy Spirit gave Doug songs. There weren’t many, but they came regularly.  His fingers would start playing a melody, and the words would just come.*  This went on, until it didn’t. That was when Doug knew it was time to make the songs available to the Body of Christ. He knew they were meant to be shared.

Taking songs from scraps of paper to published works of art is a lengthy process. I was our sole extra-curricular occupation for about three years. The process began with his working through the music with a band of brothers the Lord had brought into his life—extremely talented musicians and men of God. In the end, a songbook was produced, demos were recorded, a website was designed, a publishing company was formed, the songs were registered with the U.S. Copyright Office, and listed with the Christian Copyright Licensing International (CCLI).  And, because Doug doesn’t do things half-way, he wanted not only sheet music, but chord sheets. overheads. and lyric sheets made, too—everything anyone could need to use the music—all available online.

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We had not anticipated doing everything ourselves, but as the process began we learned that submitting his work to a publishing company would mean surrendering his rights to the music. In order to be true to our mission: make the music available to anyone in the Body of Christ, free of charge, we realized we would have to become a publishing company.  There was no way around it.  And,  you cannot be your own publisher for some strange reason. So, guess who “owns” Doug’s music? Yes, that’s right! Yours truly. I am the President and sole owner of LAMP Songs.  I am even a card-carrying member of ASCAP.  Pretty funny, huh?

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You know, God always asks His people to do things they cannot do. That is is our testimony, and I bet it is yours, too. We always find ourselves disqualified for what God calls us to, but if we will just look to Him, and follow Him, He will lead us in accomplishing His will.  The Lord provided everything we needed to bring the songs to the public. His hand is very evident. I could write a small book on this season in our life—so much was happening to try to stop God’s will. Provision for the special equipment Doug needed was such that only God could have done it. The particular men who worked with him on these songs were all men of like faith and commitment to music that glorifies God. Those rehearsals were mighty times of worship! There was less emphasis on “getting it right,” and more focus on just letting the Spirit have His way.

So, I invite you to listen for yourself. Click on the logo above to go to the songbook page. You will see all the music there.  If you hear something you like, share it with others. If you would like to use a song in your church, please do! You will find everything you need is at your finger tips—overheads, lead sheets, the lyrics, the music—even the entire songbook can be downloaded, free of charge. If you have a CCLI membership and report using the songs, Doug might earn a few pennies. However, if you do not have a CCLI membership, you are still welcome to use everything for personal or congregational worship.

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Some of the demos you will find on the website are with members of the LAM Worship Band, but the songs that are just Doug were recorded in our bedroom. We were on a deadline at that point, so we just set-up a little studio. It worked pretty well!

I am very gratified by the work we did. I love these songs. They bless me, and I hope they bless you, too. When we hear from someone on the other side of the world, or get a report from CCLI showing a song was used in Africa, it kinda blows my mind. God gave the vision, and He fulfilled it. Glory to His name!

 

Note to Lisa: Thanks for inspiring this post.
*The lyrics to one song, “Your Love Reaches,” were written by my eldest sister. Doug had the melody for so long, but no lyrics. One Sunday evening he played it for her; minutes later there was a beautiful lyric floating along with the notes. That was pretty special to witness!

Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies That Taste Like REAL Cookies!

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Eureka!

The Saxophone Player doesn’t like many sweets, but he loves chocolate chip cookies. Tonight, I have found the best gluten free, chocolate chip cookie recipe, yet.  They taste like real cookies with that wonderful “chew” of gluten, but without the awful side effects.

The recipe was inspired by a recipe from this terrific recipe website, Cooking a la Mel.  You can see the original recipe here: CLICK.  Melinda Novak has many great recipes on her website—I encourage you to check it out.  Below, is my version, with  cooking instructions that match exactly what I did for my oven and my cookie sheets. The goal is to not over bake.

Hey, if you try this recipe, let me know.  Doug says it’s an 8 on his scale from 1 to 10, so I’ll have to keep looking. For now, though, it’s a lot better than no cookies.

edited

JUST-LIKE-REAL GF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

INGREDIENTS
1 1/4 cups buckwheat flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter (1 stick)
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350° F
2. In medium bowl, whisk flour, salt, and soda together. Set aside
3. In mixing bowl, cream butter and sugars together. Add vanilla and egg and combine well. I used my mixer, so I scraped down the sides a few times during this process.
4. Add the flour and mix well. I added the flour in four parts, scraping down the sides each time.
5. Scoop dough onto cookie sheet. I used a teaspoon-sized scoop and an insulated baking sheet lined with parchment. I highly suggest you use parchment, too. It helps keep moisture in the cookie, which is important with GF baking.
6. Bake 11 minutes at 350° F. That is what worked for my oven. I suggest you check them at the 10-minute mark. You just want to be sure the cookies tops look dry.
7. Let the cookies sit on baking sheet for one or two minutes. The longer they sit, the more they will dry out, but if you remove them too soon they do not have a chance to set. Gently remove to a cooling rack.

This made 36 cookies, about 2 1/2 inches in diameter.

Enjoy! 

What Else Matters, Really?

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This song just started playing, and it hit me deep in my spirit. Does that ever happen to you? Music is so visceral, but some music is anointed. I believe this is one of the latter, because I hardly know this song, yet as it began to play I had to stop my work to listen. I didn’t even know the whole lyric, but somehow I knew this was the song of my Autumn of 2016. I searched online for the lyrics, but I didn’t really need to read them. I know the Holy Spirit was telling me, “This was you.”  Last November, I wrote briefly about what I was going through (LINK ), and my Aunt Barbara left me a very faith-filled comment that I could hardly receive at the time. The Holy Spirit brought her words back to me, as I was listening to this song.

“Sounds like God is preparing you for the next level of intimacy with Him. Hang in there and keep your heart on Him. What else matters really? You know, ‘Seek first….'”

A breakthrough did come—a milestone, as the song says—and I shared about that, too (LINK).   Now, today, the Lord has used this song to show me His hand, how He has been working right along, even in my unfaithfulness and unbelief.  I can look back at that spiritual chaos, because it is really in my past. Praise be to God.

So, I share this song with you today, for all of my Brothers and Sisters in the fight. Hold fast to Him. Everything may seem totally awful right now, but if you will just surrender and let God have His way, He will bring you through! Take Aunt Barbara’s words for yourself. Hang in there, keep your heart on Him, and seek first the Kingdom of God. What else matters, really?

“WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING (SOMETHING HEAVENLY)” by SANCTUS REAL

It’s time for healing, time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
But I’m giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender

To whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
And though it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
I’m giving in to something Heavenly, something Heavenly

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly
It’s time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/sanctus-real/whatever-you-re-doing-something-heavenly-lyrics/#XQGojuXrHM67tQ2e.99

The Notorious Blue Sleeper

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Going through mementos last Autumn, I found something that made me laugh.

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It is my list of things to pack for the hospital for my delivery. However, if you will notice, there isn’t even one thing on that list for the highly-anticipated baby!  That made me laugh. I guess it explains how my little girl ended up going home in that notorious, blue sleeper.

You may be asking, “Which notorious blue sleeper?”  Well, the day before going home, I gave Doug a verbal list of things to bring back the next day. I had a specific sleeper in mind, and tried to describe it to him. The poor guy did the best he could, but I was mortified when I saw what he had chosen. It was too big, and it was blue.  Not only would everyone think my little girl was a boy (Heaven forbid!), but they would think I didn’t have properly fitting clothes for my baby.  Too bad it doesn’t hurt to be so stupid and insecure. We might get cured a lot faster, if it did! LOL

Well, along with that list, I came across the notorious, blue sleeper.  I set it aside. You see, I was going through my daughter’s “Baby Box” for a reason.  I was preparing for my daughter’s own baby to arrive.  I didn’t save all of Hannah’s baby things, but I saved some favorites—and her going home outfit. I showed it to her and told her my story. She liked the sleeper, and it fits my granddaughter very nicely. It compliments her skin tone very well!

There she is, Lucille Marlene. This was taken when she was 3 weeks, and six-days-old.

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She’s pretty cuddly in it, I must say. And, that’s why the Saxophone Player originally ended-up choosing it for his daughter: it was soft and cozy.

By the way, I did eventually overcome my silliness.  Here is Hannah with her Grams, Marlene Gregan.  She is almost three-months-old in this picture.

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Bring It On, New Year!

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As I think about the New Year, I just cannot resist the temptation to look back at 2016. I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but this past year was not my favorite. I’ve been looking forward to a new calendar!

However, I have no reason to think 2017 won’t be full of the very same challenges that kicked my tookus in 2016. Let’s be honest: our problems don’t belong to the calendar. They belong to us. And, they go with us wherever we go—new address, new relationship, new year.

There is a way to overcome our problems, though. That doesn’t mean our problems will go away, but it does mean we can overcome them. That distinction matters.

STEP ONE
If we can be honest with ourselves, the first step to overcoming our problems is taking a long, hard look in the mirror. It might not be pretty—in fact, it might be downright horrifying—but if we cannot see ourselves rightly, we’ll never make it through Step Two.

STEP TWO
For the person who believes in God, Step Two is prayer. Now, I’m not talking about prayers that sound more like begging, demanding, or bargaining. I mean prayers of repentance. Prayers that acknowledge God is The Answer: our Hope and our Help. If we’ve been trying to solve our problems ourselves, it’s time we remember that our lives are supposed to be in His hands. That is not a mystical or romantic notion. It’s surrender, and surrender is obedience.

THAT’S KINDA IT
Two simple steps. Repeat as needed. I know that may seem ridiculous, but I know it works.

There are many ways God has taught this simple method to me, but I will use one particular problem that dominated a good part of last year. It started out rather small, but it just began to escalate. There came a point when it had brought so much strife into my marriage that I really thought it might be the thing we couldn’t survive. I know you might be tempted to imagine what the problem was, but I can guarantee you won’t guess. It was something so mundane, but the Enemy caught me off-guard and found a way to use it against me, my husband, our marriage, our family, and the ministry. I would be ashamed to admit I allowed anything to do that, but Christ took my shame when I finally repented.

Repentance finally came when I “accidentally” caught a glimpse of my Self in the mirror. I had been praying about this problem, and showing me the truth about myself was God’s merciful answer.  Oy! It was bad. The image I saw in the mirror was an ugly beast of selfishness and pride. That’s not me, I said to God. “Yes, it is,” He replied.

Well, it wasn’t exactly that moment I repented. I’m a stubborn fool, and it took a few more days of me hearing the most awful things coming out of my mouth. I think the Saxophone Player must have thought I’d lost my mind. I was so convinced, though, that The Problem was the problem. But, then it happened. I was standing in our bedroom, and I finally had to admit The Problem wasn’t the problem. What am I doing?  I was the real problem. My sinful attitude. My arrogance. My disobedience. The thing I’d allowed Satan to use? Eh. It didn’t go away. It will be with us in 2017. Maybe, forever, but my sinful response and willingness to yield myself to the spirit of pride was the problem that was keeping God’s grace from abounding in the midst of The Problem.

You see, that’s what God’s about, my dear friends. His Holy Spirit abides with us, and is our ever-present help in trouble not to remove all the troubles of life, but to help us walk through them. God is not looking for us to live the perfect life one imagines their photogenic Facebook friends are living. He calls us to be perfect as He was perfect, which means we face trouble and sin not.

We serve a good and loving Father, generously giving without measure. However, He is a Father. That means He is willing to allow us to throw our tantrums and stumble as we learn to walk, because He knows it’s working something in us. He is just asking that we trust Him to know best. If The Problem remains, will we curse Him and blame Him and stop obeying? Or, will we continue to yield ourselves to the Holy Spirit, allowing Him to do what He pleases, allowing whatever trouble or suffering He believes will best work His perfection in us? That is the kind of trust He longs for us to have in Him, and His commitment to us is to keep bringing us to those places where every weakness, every bit of doubt and unbelief, is challenged and worked out of us through repentance, surrender, and obedience.

And asking that the way you live will always please the Lord and honor him, so that you will always be doing good, kind things for others, while all the time you are learning to know God better and better. We are praying, too, that you will be filled with his mighty, glorious strength so that you can keep going no matter what happens—always full of the joy of the Lord, and always thankful to the Father who has made us fit to share all the wonderful things that belong to those who live in the Kingdom of light. (Colossians 1:11-12, TLB)

Happy New Year, my friends! I hope you and yours welcomed 2017 in health and safety, and I pray this new year brings you ever closer to the One who loves us enough to stick by our side—even through the temper tantrums of life. ❤

Colossians11.1

I’m Alive

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[Today is the five-year mark, since my cancer surgery in 2011. I am going to share a few posts from that year, and one other post. As you may know, the five-year anniversary for any cancer patient is a noteworthy day. So, in my own way I am marking it by living and breathing and testifying of my dear God and heavenly Father, Jehovah, who has shown me great kindness.]

sevenTH (and final) POST IN THIS SERIES: Written 10/27/11
(to begin series from beginning, click: First Post)

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10/26/16
P.S. Thank you for walking down this portion of Memory Lane with me. It wasn’t an easy walk five years ago, and not exactly fun to remember today. However, remembering the hard times is important. It gives us perspective. It reminds of the goodness of God. And, He was very good to me in this season of my life. There were exceptional acts of kindness by nurses that I will never forget. There were divine interventions, and such grace in the midst of the trial. I know what He has done for me, He is willing to do for anyone. If you are going through a hard season, I hope you will find hope in my story. I hope you will seek Him for help in your time of trouble.

“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.” (Deuteronomy 7:9, ESV)

Learning To Number My Days

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[Today is the five-year mark, since my cancer surgery in 2011. I am going to share a few posts from that year, and one other post. As you may know, the five-year anniversary for any cancer patient is a noteworthy day. So, in my own way I am marking it by living and breathing and testifying of my dear God and heavenly Father, Jehovah, who has shown me great kindness.]

SixTH POST IN THIS SERIES: FIRST PUBLISHED OCTOber 24, 2011

This experience, as a whole, has really shown me how I am wasting my time—and, wasting my life. I don’t want to leave my family, yet, but the truth is I’m just not ready to meet the Lord.

If the Lord calls me home on Wednesday, I will be ashamed to stand before Him. How will I account for my life? How could I possibly? There is so much more I want to do. I want to have a splendid crown to lay at His feet.

So, I ask the Lord for more time, yet, deep inside I suspect I’m all talk. I am facing Wednesday down with all this determination and motivation, but I am also starting to look at Thursday. How will I make the most of the days that follow?

Will I make sure they count?

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“So teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
(Psalm 90:12)

Signing Away My Life

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[Today is the five-year mark, since my cancer surgery in 2011. I am going to share a few posts from that year, and one other post. As you may know, the five-year anniversary for any cancer patient is a noteworthy day. So, in my own way I am marking it by living and breathing and testifying of my dear God and heavenly Father, Jehovah, who has shown me great kindness.]

fifth POST IN THIS SERIES: FIRST PUBLISHED OCTOBER 20, 2011

Well, not really, but it sure feels like it.

Today was a bunch of pre-op business and paper signing. It was a really hard day. Very long. Lots of blood taken. Lots of forewarning. Two EKGs, for crying out loud. (My heart is fine.) We left our house just before 10 a.m., and pulled into our drive-way just before 8 o’clock.

We did finally feel a strange relief, though, when it was all done.

Still, I am so freaked out by every aspect of this. A tube down my nose and throat? Possibly an epidural? Propofol? Really? They’re giving me the stuff that killed Michael Jackson?

I just hope I get lots of flowers. Lots of ’em.

And, I hope I don’t die. I told the Lord that as much as I would so love to be with Him, I just don’t want to leave my family, yet. Oh, it is so nice to think of being with Him, versus staying here. Really, who would want to stay here? Well, me. I’m just not ready to go.

I caught my husband looking at me towards the end of the last appointment. We’d been through so much by that point, so many explanations and questions, and he had such a look on his face. I wanted to smile at him, to make him feel better, like “I’m OK! It’s OK!” But, when I started to smile, I started to cry. I looked away and hoped he didn’t see my eyes fill-up. There are just so many emotions. It’s as if they all bubble up to the surface the moment you release one. Stoicism has its place. At least, it did today.

Until it was all over. And, then, there was relief. And, laughter. And, looking forward to being home with Hannah.

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Good & Bad

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[Today is the five-year mark, since my cancer surgery in 2011. I am going to share a few posts from that year, and one other post. As you may know, the five-year anniversary for any cancer patient is a noteworthy day. So, in my own way I am marking it by living and breathing and testifying of my dear God and heavenly Father, Jehovah, who has shown me great kindness.]

fourth POST IN THIS SERIES: FIRST PUBLISHED OCTOBER 18, 2011

BAD
It has been a crazy, emotional time.

GOOD & BAD
Eight days until surgery. Wednesday we will be at appointments all day: vascular specialist, anesthesiologist, and then the Big Cheese. I still cannot believe I am going to have my guts cut open. I imagine myself on the operating table, and it’s such an ugly picture. I am kind of glad I feel so bad, though, because it motivates me to go through with this.

I keep telling myself better health and strength is ahead.

At the same time, though, I just feel bad for myself and want to cry.

GOOD
Anemia is slightly improved. Enough to avoid a transfusion. So very glad for that. My blood thinning level wasn’t enough to warrant stopping the shots, but it is finally moving in the right direction.

BAD
I keep tell myself that one day this is all going to be old news. The past. Something that happened a long time ago. I’ll look back and it won’t be a big deal. I’ll laugh and say, “Yeah, it was THIS BIG!” Or, maybe, I’ll miss the time with Doug, driving into Boston on a sparkling, Fall day, right in the middle of the week. Maybe, one day, I’ll just think about how wonderful Hannah has been, without the fear my days with her are shorter than I think.

GOOD 
One of my nieces sent over a bunch of food today for our freezer. I am so touched. I mean, really, just blown away. I am quite emotional about it. Meals are like this incredible burden when someone in a house is in the hospital or very sick. So, having a meal in the freezer is huge.

BAD
My poor husband has been having the worst of times. I hate that I am so much a part of his burden.

GOOD
We received a most remarkable gift. It was a like being on the Price Is Right: a brand new washer and dryer. Can you even begin to imagine what kind of blessing that is for us right now? I still can’t believe it. How could someone do something like that for us? Yes, the giver is someone who has known about NBF since it’s beginnings, and over the years he’s known some New Brothers personally. However, that is still a very generous thing to do. It is also a solution to what has been the biggest, practical problem of our time on this missionfield these past seven years. The loving kindness of the Lord and His people is quite humbling.

GOOD
Babies are coming over tomorrow. My dear daughter was supposed to go to their home to sit for them, but Doug is out all day. So, she made arrangements for them to come here. She didn’t want me to be alone.  Sweet, huh? I’m looking forward to them.

– – – – – – – – –

Well, I guess it is time to go. Must find God’s peace in the midst of this storm.

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Bed-rest Can Make You Tired

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[Today is the five-year mark, since my cancer surgery in 2011. I am going to share a few posts from that year, and one other post. As you may know, the five-year anniversary for any cancer patient is a noteworthy day. So, in my own way I am marking it by living and breathing and testifying of my dear God and heavenly Father, Jehovah, who has shown me great kindness.]

Third post in this series: FIRST PUBLISHED October 14, 2011

Been ordered back to bed. My leg was swelling, again. That’s a drag. Next week I see a vascular specialist, who will make a plan for surgery.* They are talking about a temporary filter, and continuing the injections right up until surgery. I am so tired of these injections. It takes an awful long time to push 150 mg. of stuff into a person. By midway, it starts to burn. Doug does such a good job. He hates having to do something that hurts me, so I try not to let on. Just breathe. It’s hard not to react, though. Oh, well. Hopefully, they won’t last much longer.

My CA-125 results came back, but the nurse said that this test alone is not a good indicator of ovarian cancer. Normal is anything below 35. My number was somewhere in the high 40s. She said that the size of this thing alone could give a false positive, so I think we’re going to have to wait until surgery. I am not thinking this is cancer, though.

Anyway…it’s late. I’m tired. I miss normal, but I am trying to remind myself that this will all be over really soon. The end of the year is just around the corner, and by then I should be fully recovered and living large once again. Honestly, that isn’t so long to wait for the good that awaits me. Modesty and discretion prevent me from sharing all that is going on, but my quality of life is definitely going to improve, if all goes as well as hoped. I look forward to that!

In the meanwhile, I keep surrendering. It’s such a good posture for the Believer, only holding onto the Lord.

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A favorite painting helped pass the time. Artist: Cathie Boucher. (cathieboucher.com)

*Thank the Lord, I did not have to have surgery for the blood clot.
I did have to continue those darn injections until April, though. :/