Author: SaxophoneWife
Had To Tell Someone
It’s not good news.
Today the Saxophone Player heard the words we never wanted to hear: You were right.
My heart aches.
Of course, we knew he was right. We knew he was hearing from the Lord. We just hoped it wouldn’t be as bad as this. (This subject is closely related to the subject of this post: CLICK.)
We hoped.
You know, sometimes we are only given enough information to make the right choice. No matter what others think of us, we must do the right thing. We must pray for the courage and faith to choose well and do what will honor God, not please man. It isn’t easy to disappoint people, but there are wicked forces at work in the world. We must have the wisdom to know when God is saying, “This is My fight.”
Friends, things are happening in our nation that I never thought I would witness. I urge you to seek the Lord, while He may be found (Isaiah 55:6).
P.S. The Lord’s timing is always so interesting to me.
May It Be A Good Friday For You
Today’s Journal: August 21, 2016
Outside my window it is a beautiful day! Not too hot, not too humid. Bright blue sky.
I am thinking about a lot of different things right now, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what life would be like if I got rid of 50% of our belongings. I am trying to imagine if we would miss any of it. Watching the images from California and the homes that have been completely destroyed by fire, then watching the news from Louisiana and seeing these homes completely destroyed by water, I just cannot help wonder what I would do, what I would grab for, as I made my escape. In California, I was always prepared for an earthquake, so the most precious things in life were ready to grab. However, I’ve added many years to my life, and there are more precious things I think I would miss. Yet, I cannot help but wonder: would I really miss them?
I am thankful for God’s divine protection. I had an accident in the garden yesterday. I was pruning my cucumber, when a bee came really close to my head. I reflexively lifted my arm to flick it away—pruners still in hand. Bad idea! Never have I experienced myself being covered with blood. Doug was pretty freaked out. Thank God the blades did not go through my cheek, or hit my eye. Didn’t cut off my ear, either. I thank God I only needed three stitches.
I am also thankful for Jehovah-Jireh, The Lord Who Provides. I learned as a child that God is my Provider, and He has proven himself to be ever-faithful. I’m so grateful for Him!
I am reading The Book of Revelation.
I am working on a few things—always many irons in the fire. One specific task is organizing the shed for Fall and Winter. I can do that now, because the Lord provided a set of very needed shelves (a neighbor’s cast-off). Thank You, Lord!
I am hoping to organize my attic this summer. My sister needs some things of Mother’s, and that will hopefully help motivate me. I also want to unpack Hannah’s crib, and see if it is usable for Baby Dieterle.
I am praying for the victims of these fires and floods. So heartbreaking to see their homes.
I am meditating on Psalm 84. This was Doug’s sermon passage today. So much good stuff in there.
P.S.
We didn’t take any pictures of my bloody clothes and face, but I have to show you my bloody shoe and my stitches. Hannah said my shoe was grusome. For some reason, I thought that was kind of cool. I did try to get the blood off, but it wouldn’t get. Doug assured me it would eventually turn brown and look like dirt.
ME: Well, yeah, but what if I’m accused of murder and they find this shoe covered in blood?
HIM: And, shine an ultra-violet light on it?
ME: Right. What will I do then?
HIM: That is definitely going to happen.
He didn’t seem very concerned. 😀
Guest Post from TSP: “The Question of Authority”
A guest post from The Saxophone Player. Feel free to comment, or leave questions. He will be glad to respond.
THE QUESTION OF AUTHORITY
by Doug Gregan
The most astounding thing about the subject of Christians drinking alcohol is the narrow focus that both sides of the discussion tend to stay on.
The spiritual root of drinking is one of authority, and friendship with the world; neither of which do I ever hear discussed. The very nature of an intimate relationship with God is one of increased presence, resulting in increased holiness. This question of whether or not a Christian should drink, or if drinking is sin, is shallow and weak. The real question should be:
“Why aren’t Christians more Christ-like?”
We are called out from among them, to be separate. Friendship with the world is enmity with God, and brings us under the authority of the world and its spirit. The spirit that drives alcohol is undeniably of the world, and under the authority of Satan. There is no man or woman alive who can tell me of a time when drinking brought them into a greater intimacy with Christ, drove them to love God more, or brought them into greater holiness and sanctification.
Does not the scripture tell us from beginning to the end that He is calling us out and unto Himself? Consider Romans 6:18-22:
“You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves.
“Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.
“When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
“But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.” (Romans 6:18-22, NIV)
This is the key to the whole issue, whether it be drinking, watching anything that exalts the flesh, gluttonous eating, dressing like the world, or engaging in any behavior that opens the door for the flesh to be strengthened.
“What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!” (Romans 6:21, NIV)
And, it does result in death.
Complacency, laziness, a lack of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, a lack of compassion towards those who don’t, can’t, or won’t “handle” the same things you can—it is all death. It produces a self-righteous, self-centered attitude evidenced by the countless defensive comments that come up in these type of discussions.
Then, there is the subtle, but incredible importance of spiritual authority mentioned in verse 16:
“Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey, whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” (Romans 6:16, NIV)
Those who drink are yielding a measure of their spiritual authority to the flesh and to the Devil. Alcohol, by it’s very nature, deadens sensitivity to Holy Spirit and weakens our ability to control the flesh as we should.
The angry man is more susceptible to anger.
The lustful man is more vulnerable to lust.
The proud man is prone towards pride.
The depressed man more inclined toto be depressed.
The jealous man more easily made jealous.
And, on it goes….
This all takes place when one “walks in his freedom to drink.”
I’ve served in prison ministry for fourteen years and cannot begin to tell of the devastation and carnage left in the wake of alcohol. This includes Christians, men and women becoming casual with drinking, declaring their freedom to do so. I have yet to have a drug addict tell me that their addiction was not preceded by alcohol use.
Yet, we proudly demand and defend our right to drink. It is sad and shameful. The Devil mocks and laughs at the impotence of the Church to touch our generation with Christ-like love, life, and POWER. We would do well to heed the call of James 4. After exposing the Lord’s attitude towards worldliness, James says in 4:7-10:
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:7-10, NIV)
I understand fully the emptiness of imposing restrictions and not trusting in the transforming work of the Spirit to bring about abundant life, balance, and control. The emphasis of my sharing is on the yoking of ourselves to spiritual forces and influences we have no business being in agreement with. Light has no agreement wih darkness. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:12:
“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” (1 Corinthians 6:12, KJV)
We interact with this verse only on the level of the substance or behavior in question, but it transcends that. It speaks to every spiritual dynamic that is associated with those elements.
Where are those who are broken, weeping between the porch and altar, for the souls of those bound and enslaved? One can defend the biblical right to eat and drink. I get that. But, who can show me a man who is ministering in power and authority, yet allows himself to be brought under the authority of the spiritual forces connected to these worldly elements? They are not profitable. We will never step into the realm of darkness, addiction, and brokenness with any authority to bring genuine deliverance, if we are yoked to these things.
Should this be the shining prize I declare to the addicted and their broken family? “One day, you’ll be able to drink in freedom, like I do.”
I am deeply concerned by the absence of genuine discipleship that prepares God’s people to be ambassadors of reconciliation, walking in the power of God to bring the lost, broken, and hurting into freedom. Please, take a few minutes to read Ephesians 4:11-27, and prayerfully consider the life you are living today.
I welcome your comments and questions.
A Prophetic Tree in Cottonwood
In April, 2015, we were in Arizona for my Mother-in-Law’s memorial. The day we headed out for the drive home, we made an unplanned stop at Uncle R’s house. He and our Aunt have a beautiful garden, and we asked for a tour. On one end of his yard stood a glorious tree, and he excitedly began to tell us about this tree. There was a weightiness to what he was saying, and I felt like I needed to really pay attention.
I’m glad I did.
Uncle R said a lot about that tree, but what stood out was what he had to say about a particular branch. The branch was full of fruit, full of life, but he said, “This branch will have to be cut off.” Doug and I were horrified. Cut off all that life? All that fruit? Why would anyone do that?
He explained the science of it, but I don’t remember all of that. I just remember him looking at us and saying,
“If we don’t cut off the branch, the whole tree will die.” Then he added, almost as an after thought: “That’s prophetic.”
As we drove away from Cottonwood, I asked Doug what he thought Uncle R meant. Doug admitted he hadn’t really taken it to mean anything. I was surprised. To me, it felt like lasers were coming out of his eyes and piercing my soul! I kept thinking about what he said all the way home, but ultimately I filed it away under “In God’s Hands.” If this was a word from the Lord for us, He would make it clear at the right time.
INTO THE FIRE
After a few days on the road, we arrived back home to a season of intense opposition at the jail. By July, we thought a victory had been won on that field, but in September there was a very serious turn of events that eventually led to the most unexpected event. After 12 years of full-time volunteer service, sometimes giving more than 40 hours a week, Doug was unceremoniously relieved of his position as the Protestant Chaplain at the Essex County Correctional Facility and the Lawrence Correctional Alternative Center. The circumstances that led to his dismissal were completely unjust, and blatantly personal.
I don’t think I have ever spoken about this event publicly, and I do not plan to say much now, but I do want to make it clear that there were never legitimate grounds for what happened. While it was within the rights of the administration to make any changes to programming that they liked, barring Doug from ever serving in the jail as a volunteer—or even visiting inmates as a private citizen—is still one of the most outrageous things I’ve ever seen. Doug’s record at the facility was pristine. He didn’t break rules, or defy authority. He always conducted himself with humility, treating everyone with respect.
And, that is not a wife’s rose-colored-glasses point of view. It’s just the facts. Other volunteers who actually did break rules quite willfully continue to be allowed on the property. My good husband? Nope. He was not even allowed to return to his office to pack-up his belongings. In February, when he attempted to visit an inmate as a private citizen—a tax-paying resident of Essex County—he was refused. Can you imagine?
But, I filed that away in the same file, “In God’s Hands.” We will suffer injustice in this life, but He is the final judge. And, the really great thing about God is that He knows just how to use what the Enemy intended for evil for our good and His glory. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. Doug would never compare this injustice with the kind of injustice we see around us every day—men being held for months without trial, dragged into a courthouse in shackles just to learn their attorney didn’t bother to show up. That’s injustice.
OCTOBER
By the time Doug finally received the call from the administrator who “fired” him, we knew what was coming. He received the news in princely fashion, even thanking the man who was slitting his throat. I sat beside my husband in awe. Nothing about it was easy, but he remained respectful and gracious, as humble as ever.
Yes, I am his biggest fan. It’s true. Maybe, I do wear rose-colored glasses, sometimes. When I watched him change Hannah’s diaper for the first time in the hospital, I did think he was part super-hero, to be sure. Yet, I know he is still human, and I knew this was painful. The ministry in the jail meant a great deal to him personally, and this change came like an earthquake. It was a sudden shaking of everything in our life. I also knew, however, that he was battle-weary. The Enemy had been coming against him with deadly force for a long time—longer than even I knew. So, as hard as this news was to receive, there was also a sense of relief. At the time, we described the feeling as though the General had called him back from the front lines; he’d won a leave of absence.
You know, when we give our life to the Lord and yield control to Him, we are going to find ourselves in situations like this. The opposition Doug faced, the injustice he’s endured, was not God’s will. Yet, because Doug was IN God’s will, the Lord used what the Enemy intended for evil to work His perfect in Doug’s life. The battle at the jail continues. It will always go on, so long as there are men and women willing to fight. For Doug, that fight is over.
PROPHECY FULFILLED
I had not thought about that tree in our Uncle’s yard since the drive home, but in January the Holy Spirit pulled it out my files and dropped it in front of me. “Remember this?”
“If we don’t cut off the branch, the whole tree will die.”
In a flash—in an instant—I knew. The Holy Spirit suddenly gave me understanding. I turned to Doug and I told him. I seem to recall that he thought it was interesting, but it didn’t really faze him. Why would it? The Holy Spirit had not spoken the prophecy to him. I did not realize that until today.
I tell ya, the Lord blows my mind. I have been working on this post in my head for many days, and I’ve been putting thoughts into words since yesterday. I thought I knew what I was writing. I thought I knew what the Lord wanted me to say. Silly Caroline.
I never knew until just a few minutes ago why that prophecy was for me. I know now. It makes complete sense! It’s funny how the Lord works.
So, would you like to know the interpretation of that prophecy from the tree in Cottonwood?
I need to first tell you that when I heard Uncle’s words, I felt that it was related to Doug’s ministry. I didn’t understand what it meant, but it made me feel kind of afraid. When Doug said he sensed nothing, I took some comfort. However, as I have already shared, I could not ignore the sense I had in my spirit that the Lord was speaking to us.
When the Lord brought that word back to my memory, eight months later, He also gave me immediate understanding. This is what it meant:
If the Lord had not allowed Doug to be cut off from the prison ministry, it would have cost the health and life of the entire ministry—all of New Brothers Fellowship, every ministry associated with it.
That Satan wants to hinder NBF is not news. He’s risen up against this ministry over and over and over. I won’t begin to speculate on how Doug’s remaining at the jail would have destroyed the whole ministry, but it isn’t hard to see how that could have happened. Various scenarios speed through my head. In order for Doug to have kept his position, he would have had to make a very serious compromise. That alone would have cost him tremendously.
So, why me? Why did the Lord speak that message to me, and not to Doug? Well, that became evident this afternoon. Today, yet again, the facility found a new way to try to attack my husband and hinder the ministry. When Doug called to tell me what had happened, I was really shocked. I could tell Doug was actually annoyed himself—it takes a lot to get under Doug’s skin. After all, it is one thing to suffer the slings and arrows yourself; quite a different thing when someone else is hurt in your name. It was a great injustice towards an inmate, just because of someone’s grudge against Doug.
Right before he called, I had just found my way to my little writing desk to finish this post. Even while we were still on the phone, though, I was plotting my attack. Which newspaper do I contact? Who do we know with some influence? A letter was half-way done in my head. We couldn’t let this pass without some response.
Well, I can assure it did not take long for the Holy Spirit to right my wrong spirit. I realized quickly the error in my thinking. What incredible (divine?) timing that this offense should happen today, just as I am writing about this prophetic word.
That branch had to be cut-off. Let it go.
I hate what happened today, but I don’t want to fight a battle that isn’t ours to fight. People there may still have a fight with Doug, for reasons that truly are beyond me, but we must not respond. Doug’s enemies did not cut off that branch, you see? That is certainly what the Enemy had in mind. He wanted to tear down the whole tree. Satan hacks away, causing death and destruction. The Master Gardner prunes with a skillful hand that does not cause damage, but brings new life. We have seen that in the ministry these past ten months. So much new life! And, who knows? A similar branch may grow again, but when it does it will not take from the health of the tree.
A Magnifying Glass and a Mirror
I originally wrote this list for my daughter.
She was still single, and articles were always flying around about what kind of man to marry. I would read them and scratch my head. Something was missing.
So, I started writing, and this is what came out. For everything I thought a husband should be, I realized there was a proper response for the woman. That made sense to me.
Personally, I appreciate reminders like this. We aren’t wrong to want better from our husbands, but let’s focus instead on giving him our best. Let’s put down the magnifying glass, and pick up a mirror. You will see, it is a very different picture.
Marriage Musts
1. He must listen to you.
Be kind.
2. He must keep growing.
Be the sunshine of his life.
3. He must have a grateful heart.
Be considerate of his needs.
4. He must care about your personal growth.
Be willing to change.
5. He must never give up.
Be merciful, when he fails.
6. He must make you laugh.
Be charmed by his efforts.
7. He must be in love with God.
Be sure God is your first love, too.
8. He must be the priest of your home.
Be his intercessor.
9. He must be affectionate.
Be his comfort.
10. He must be generous.
Be a good steward.
11. He must be a provider.
Be content with what you have.
13. He must defend you.
Be careful to choose your fights well.
14. He must hold himself to a biblical standard.
Be “a woman who fears God.” (Proverbs 31)
15. He must have a servant’s heart.
Be willing to serve alongside him.
16. He must communicate.
Be a good listener.
17. He must make you feel beautiful.
Be the woman who makes him feel like a man.
18. He must care about your interests.
Be invested in his.
19. He must be respectful of your family.
Be in love with his.
20. He must be kind and gentle.
Be strong and supportive.
21. He must be transparent.
Be slow to anger.
22. He must be your Brother in Christ.
Be first his Sister, than his wife.
23. He must cherish you.
Be respectful of him.
24. He must share the duties of homekeeping.
Be a good manager of your home.
25. He must lay down his life for you.
Be his best friend.
Today’s Journal: 7/14/16
Outside my window it has been a classic, New England summer’s day. Not very fond of humidity, but it’s the price we pay for a long, winter’s nap.
I am thinking about spiritual growth and how God proves His love. (Hebrews 12:6-11)
I am thankful for a visit with some of the Thursday night ladies. It was really nice to sit together, again.
I am reading Biography of George Peabody by Phebe A. Hanaford, published in 1882. Want to more about the man who bequeathed a library to our town.
I am working on assorted projects. Nothing too exciting.
I am hoping to get a postage scale for free. Figured I’ll hope until I’m forced to buy one. You never know.
I am praying for children. Parents have the privilege of modeling the love relationship between Christ and the Body. Or, they can provoke their children to wrath.
I am meditating on Ephesians 6:4.
P.S.
On very hot days, you gotta think SNOW! Here are some “chilling” pictures of winter’s past, to help you cool off! Click to enlarge.
Today’s Journal: 7/10/16
Today, outside my window…it’s grey, drizzling. I love days like this. Today, I am thinking…about the dry spots in the flower bed. It rained so much last night, yet there are places in the bed that are as dry as the desert. Where it is dry, the roots are shallow. This makes it easy to weed, but also easy to pull up something that might be fruitful. Where the ground holds the water, there is so much more life. Today, I am thankful for…for a daughter and son-in-law who make their way over on Sundays and snuggle on the couch and wash their clothes and help make supper. I’m thankful for the easiness of their company. I’m living the dream. Today, I am reading…nothing. Several books await me. Today, I am working on…weeding the flower bed and feeding the family. Lots of duties I need to attend to, but I think I’ll be happy to just sort a few piles of collected papers and put away the clean towels. The easiness of this day should not be taken for granted. Easy days are a gift; pure luxury. Today, I am hoping…to make the most of the next three weeks. Our days with Maddie are very sweet, and driving into the city every day is kind of wonderful. I am also hoping that tomorrow will be the day we can finally force Doug to take his saxophone into the city. He’s been playing with the idea of busking, and Maddie and I think the Public Garden or the Commons would be a perfect spot. Today, I am praying for…for our sad, hurting nation. Today, I am meditating on….how some Christians are like that soil in my flower bed. No matter how much they get watered, they seem so dry, so unfruitful. Nothing takes root. The great truths the Spirit of God has planted in their hearts are easily pulled out by the schemes of the Enemy. It’s not good. Also, meditating on Romans 5.
P.S.






