How Could This Happen?

“Oh!”

She had just opened her phone to reply to a text.

“I only saw this now. I’m so sorry.” His voice doesn’t sound normal. She starts to reply to the message, as he calls out to her from the other room. “T was found unresponsive in his apartment!” Emotion is filling his voice.

Her first thought, the first words that come out of her mouth: “Is he okay? Where is he?” She is running down a mental checklist of what they will need to take with them to the hospital, but suddenly realizes what unresponsive means. Now, her mind is flooded. Thoughts race into her consciousness. The computer crashes. T is dead?

Reboot and reload and thoughts and images and words and sounds and so many memories fill up the screen. Tears explode. Questions. So many questions. Who wrote you? Who’s that? How do they know? What time did it happen? Do the girls know? Who are your writing? How could this happen?

“I should write J.”

Just then, J calls. Wanted to make sure they knew. too. He’s weeping. They’re all weeping. She begins to realize how many people are hurting right now—how many people his life touched. How could this happen?


The weight of grief falls so instantly. Grasping the size of this loss is impossible. There was no preparation for this, no opportunity to prepare for how bad it would feel. How could this happen?

God is on everyone’s mind. His sovereignty. His mercy. His kindness. God knows the worth of a life, the impact. The thoughts just keep coming. His first time at The Farm. The light in his eyes each time he mentions his girls. The tears that flow when he tells of God’s goodness. Or, when he mourns those who are still lost in their brokenness and sin. How could this happen?

Emails and text messages, carefully worded, fly away to the ones who will want to know. Their hearts are not prepared to be broken, and words cannot relieve the pain they are about to feel. All week long it’s, “Did you tell…? What about…? Does…know?”

Tears stop and start suddenly. Sleepless nights roll into one long state of unbelief. His best friend. How could this happen?

-cg

Please, click to read about Tom. He should be known and remembered.

Passing Time

We were locked out of our car, waiting in the parking lot of Market Basket for the AAA dude. Took this picture to help pass the time. Or, maybe I wanted to mark the time.

We were on our way to my sister’s house, the Historian. It was a very impromptu family gathering. People changed plans and food was thrown together – hence, Market Basket.

One of the things I’d purchased at Market Basket was an apple pie. The Historian had been very sick the past two weeks, not eating much. I knew she would reject apple pie, if I offered it to her. So, I almost didn’t buy it.

Yet, something in me said, “Get it, anyway.”

So much time was passing, I almost thought we should just skip going. I had work to do. She was going to get to see the littles, and that was really what the day was about, I thought.

AAA dude showed up. Cracked our window, but we got the keys and headed to Maine.

That was the last time I would see my sister alive. I look at this picture and the silly spontaneity in it is gone for me. Now, it’s just the last picture of me on the last day I got to see her alive.

I’m so thankful for that day. So thankful everyone came together. God was so kind to us. The last thing my sisters and I did together was pray. I still don’t like God’s answer, but Psalm 116:15 is a good verse to keep in my heart:

His loved ones are very precious to Him, and He does not lightly let them die.
Psalm 116:15

While it is still hard to believe she is gone, it was six months ago this week. Time passes.

As I sat with my sister that afternoon, she said she had a taste for something. “What can I bring you? I’ll bring you anything you like.” “You know, I wish we had some apple pie. That’s what I’d like. A little piece of apple pie.”

God is good.

Don’t Trust the Devil with your Kids

TobyMac is a Christian musician. Our family has enjoyed his music for many, many years. He was the founder of the group D.C Talk, which was a groundbreaking Christian group in the 1990’s. His impact on contemporary Christian music can’t be overstated. His impact on the industry must be respected. He influenced many musical artists.

One artist he influenced was his first born son, Truett, whom he would have rap little bits in his songs over the years. We all got to hear Truett grow-up on his father’s albums, and eventually he began to make music of his own. Eventually, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in secular music.

Things weren’t going very well for Truett personally, though. In 2018, TobyMac released a song dedicated to Truett called “Scars.” The song was inspired by the changes he was witnessing in his son, and in their relationship. He tried to accept that these trials were just a part of the growth process.

“He moved to L.A. and he’s making music and he’s doing his thing,” TobyMac told The Tennessean last October of the song’s inspiration “But to watch him go through that, and watch him get bruised, it’s not easy. So that’s one of the ways life has changed. In that song, I just want him to know he’s not alone.”^

The lyrics to “Scars” are painful to read. They speak of a son who is falling deeper and deeper into the world, while his father tries desperately to reason away his son’s choices and somehow stay connected to him. You can read the lyrics here: SCARS

Just over a year after he released “Scars,” and just after Truett’s music seemed to find an audience, tragedy struck. A few months ago, Truett, who was 21, was found dead in his parents’ home. It isn’t yet known how he died*, though it has been reported as cardiac arrest. The autopsy was completed a few days ago, but toxicology test results will take more time.*^.


This week, TobyMac released a new song that speaks to this heartbreaking loss and his life-changing grief.

“Writing this song felt like an honest confession of the questions, pain, anger, doubt, mercy and promise that describes the journey I’m probably only beginning. One thing I know is that I am not alone. God didn’t promise us a life of no pain or even tragic death, but He did promise He would never leave us or forsake us. And I’m holding dearly to that promise for my son as well as myself.”^

This poor family. My heart aches for them. 

I think TobyMac, his wife, and their family would appreciate you saying a prayer for them. They are wearing heavy, heavy boots right now.  ❤


“21 Years”
by TobyMac

Woke up cuz the light poured in
Day 2 let the flood begin
Day 1 left me in my bed
I can barely remember it
Heart shattered in a thousand ways
They tell me pain gonna come in waves
They tell me I’m gonna be okay
I’m still waiting for the first to breakWhy would You give and then take him away
Suddenly end could You not let it fade
What I would give for a couple of days
A couple of days

Is it just across the Jordan
Or a city in the stars
Are you singing with the angels
Are you happy where you are
Well until this show is over
And you run into my arms
God has you in heaven
But I have you in my heart

I just can’t make sense of this
Everything is so dissonant
Somebody said he was meant for this
But I’m just straight missing him
I wanna wake up to your laugh at 2
Catch you when you steal my shoes
Say good morning, afternoon
Talk you through those “Alex blues”
Listen to your latest beats
Talk about what the lyrics mean
Venmo you another loan
See you do your second show

You said you’d turn, you would turn it around
Thought that you had time to straighten it out
Told me that you were my prodigal son
But this isn’t home

Is it just across the Jordan
Or a city in the stars
Are you singing with the angels
Are you happy where you are
Well until this show is over
And you run into my arms
God has you in heaven
But I have you in my heart

I have you in my heart

Did he see You from a long way off
Running to him with a Father’s heart
Did You wrap him up inside Your arms
And let him know, that he’s home

Did he see You from a long way off
Running to him with a Father’s heart
Did You wrap him up inside Your arms
And let him know, that he’s home

Is it just across the Jordan
Or a city in the stars
Are you singing with the angels
Are you happy where you are
Well until this show is over
And you run into my arms
God has you in heaven

21 years makes a man full-grown
21 years, what a beautiful loan
21 years, I love everyone
Thank you, Lord, for my beautiful son

^ Source: https://people.com/music/singer-and-songwriter-emisunshine-says-going-viral-for-yodeling-was-weird/

*This post was updated on 1/12/20 to correct cause of death. https://www.tennessean.com/story/entertainment/music/2019/10/24/tobymacs-son-death-what-we-know-about-truett-mckeehan-in-nashville/4083242002/

*^https://radaronline.com/videos/tobymac-christian-rapper-son-dead-autopsy-complete-toxicology-underway-truett-mckeehan/

Companions

I have been keeping company with Sadness today.

Sadness was a frequent guest last year. When the new year brought new loss, he set-up camp. I did not invite him, but he does not leave.

Most of the time, I find his company bearable. He is not usually oppressive. Present, but only passively imposing himself. Most days, I hold my focus on Happiness, and Sadness lurks in the shadows. I can almost convince myself he isn’t even there.

Then I turn a corner just a moment too soon, and come face-to-face with my old enemy. A painful confrontation. I am suddenly reminded of all that is lost, and Happiness is unseated.

Happiness is always fleeting.

01b36825406aa7b3453c493779a5139749df00e436

Ah, but I have learned not to depend on Happiness. She is my fickle friend. Hope is my true and steady friend; always near. I take her hand and face Sadness down.

From the blog

Stay up to date with the latest from our blog.

  • Before And After The Vote

    Before And After The Vote

      BEFORE THE VOTE (I wrote this exactly one week ago.) The general consensus amongst Conservatives is that the Senate would never vote to impeach…

  • Wednesday’s Vote

    Wednesday’s Vote

    (Addendum below…) I know everyone expects impeachment to pass Congress, but I am praying that God honor His Word concerning Israel and bless Trump with…

  • Do You Know Charlie Kirk?

    If you aren’t acquainted with Charlie Kirk—or, even if you are—I strongly encourage you to watch (or listen) to this episode of “Happening Now.” I…

  • Happen-ness

    Happen-ness

    I went all the way back to my Xanga blog for this TBT. I originally published this on March 9, 2011.  So…yeah. These happen to…

  • It’s Not About Abortion

    It’s not about pedophiles. It’s not about human trafficking. It’s not about borders. It’s not about the evil virus. It’s not about the Supreme Court. It’s not about healthcare. It’s not about climate change. It’s not about school choice. It’s not about globalism. It’s not about the deep state. It’s not about the swamp. It’s…

  • My Prayer for Hunter

    Hunter Biden is a troubled man. I cannot bear looking at his pictures. They are images of a dead man. They make me sad, and my heart hurts for him. Don’t get me wrong. Criminal behavior must be prosecuted. Justice is always the right thing. HOWEVER, this man’s need for Jesus is clear. As I…

  • The Silent Killer

    We recently learned that less than 10,000 people have died in the United States from Covid-19 only. The virus might have played a part in the other deaths they currently include in the total, but they don’t actually know that right now.   Know what they do know? They know that every year at least 20,000…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

  • It’s Not About Abortion

    It’s not about pedophiles. It’s not about human trafficking. It’s not about borders. It’s not about the evil virus. It’s not about the Supreme Court. It’s not about healthcare. It’s not about climate change. It’s not about school choice. It’s not about globalism. It’s not about the deep state. It’s not about the swamp. It’s…

  • My Prayer for Hunter

    Hunter Biden is a troubled man. I cannot bear looking at his pictures. They are images of a dead man. They make me sad, and my heart hurts for him. Don’t get me wrong. Criminal behavior must be prosecuted. Justice is always the right thing. HOWEVER, this man’s need for Jesus is clear. As I…

  • The Silent Killer

    We recently learned that less than 10,000 people have died in the United States from Covid-19 only. The virus might have played a part in the other deaths they currently include in the total, but they don’t actually know that right now.   Know what they do know? They know that every year at least 20,000…

  • Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

    Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

    It’s an early Spring for us here in New England, and today was a beautiful day. The whole week, really, has been lovely. I am still hoping for one more snow day, but I’m also thinking about how much I want to get into the garden. Our schedule tempts us not to garden at all,…

  • The Mystery of the Rapture

    The Mystery of the Rapture

    Do you believe in the Rapture? If you do, it might surprise you to learn that many Christians do not. And, an increasing number of Believers who do believe in the Rapture do not believe in a Pre-Tribulation (or, pre-wrath) Rapture. There is also a whole category of Christians who just can’t decide what they…

  • 10 Fast Facts about Faith

    10 Fast Facts about Faith

    Faith is not reasonable. Hebrews 11 Faith is a gift of God. Romans 12:3 Faith should grow. 2 Thessalonians 1:3 | Romans 4:20 Faith can die. James 2:17 Faith is precious. 1 Peter 1:7 Faith protects us. Ephesians 6:16 Faith must be guarded. 2 Timothy 4:7 Faith is defeated by Fear. Mark 4:35-41 Faith and…

  • TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

    TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

    It’s Throwback Thursday, so I am sharing a post from April 4, 2016. It is about a question I was asked at a critical time in my life in April 2001. It literally did change my life. It was the beginning of the end of me. Click here to read  “Self-Examinations Are Always Graded On…

  • When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

    When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

    I’ve been thinking about something: I’ve been thinking about how the Son of God became like us, and how we will one day become like Him. 1. God the Son was originally an eternally alive Spirit. He was not created, not born. He was always. 2. After the Fall of mankind, we needed a Savior.…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

Latest episodes

Our latest, ready for you to listen

  • It’s Not About Abortion

    It’s not about pedophiles. It’s not about human trafficking. It’s not about borders. It’s not about the evil virus. It’s not about the Supreme Court. It’s not about healthcare. It’s not about climate change. It’s not about school choice. It’s not about globalism. It’s not about the deep state. It’s not about the swamp. It’s…

  • My Prayer for Hunter

    Hunter Biden is a troubled man. I cannot bear looking at his pictures. They are images of a dead man. They make me sad, and my heart hurts for him. Don’t get me wrong. Criminal behavior must be prosecuted. Justice is always the right thing. HOWEVER, this man’s need for Jesus is clear. As I…

  • The Silent Killer

    We recently learned that less than 10,000 people have died in the United States from Covid-19 only. The virus might have played a part in the other deaths they currently include in the total, but they don’t actually know that right now.   Know what they do know? They know that every year at least 20,000…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

  • It’s Not About Abortion

    It’s not about pedophiles. It’s not about human trafficking. It’s not about borders. It’s not about the evil virus. It’s not about the Supreme Court. It’s not about healthcare. It’s not about climate change. It’s not about school choice. It’s not about globalism. It’s not about the deep state. It’s not about the swamp. It’s…

  • My Prayer for Hunter

    Hunter Biden is a troubled man. I cannot bear looking at his pictures. They are images of a dead man. They make me sad, and my heart hurts for him. Don’t get me wrong. Criminal behavior must be prosecuted. Justice is always the right thing. HOWEVER, this man’s need for Jesus is clear. As I…

  • The Silent Killer

    We recently learned that less than 10,000 people have died in the United States from Covid-19 only. The virus might have played a part in the other deaths they currently include in the total, but they don’t actually know that right now.   Know what they do know? They know that every year at least 20,000…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

  • ”Who’s Ready?”

    The Pastor concluded his sermon with a question: “So, who’s ready to follow Jesus onto the mission field today?” He was only half-serious. He knew his congregation well enough—a smallish group of young families and retired couples. These were good folks who loved Jesus, but to imagine any of them even receiving a call to…

  • Quiet Games for Toddlers: Pipe Cleaners

    This past Spring I did some research on quiet books and ended up finding a lot of Montessori-inspired activities for my granddaughter. I put together about a dozen games. Some of them are more advanced than her development, but she’s growing into them. Now, there was one activity that I thought was really dumb, but…

  • Newsletter Day

    The ministry newsletter always takes me longer to prepare than I expect it to take. I mean, always. Even when I am not writing the bulk of the message, like this current newsletter. So, it’s been a very long day, and a very late night. This will have to be my blog post for the…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 10/13/18

    Incredible to think we are in mid-October. Yikes. Blog-tober Update On October 6th, I spontaneously decided the make October Blog-tober. This meant I would post every day, with five extra posts added here and there to compensate for the first five days of the month I’d missed. I initiated Blog-tober for a few reasons, and…

  • Six Months

    In the winter of Hannah’s 5th grade year, a fellow PTA mom invited me to join a Bible study she attended. I agreed to join her. Our church did not have a women’s Bible study, and I knew my spiritual life was in rough shape. Plus, I felt ashamed to reject her invitation. The Bible…

  • Gluten-Free Shortbread and My Make-Believe Cottage

    I love to bake. Shortbread cookies are probably my favorite cookie of all the cookies. For a million years I used the recipe from my Betty Crocker cookbook, then began to experiment and made a few changes that I thought made it the best shortbread ever. And, then, I learned that wheat and my body…

Subscribe

Enter your email below to receive updates.

  • Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

    Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

    It’s an early Spring for us here in New England, and today was a beautiful day. The whole week, really, has been lovely. I am still hoping for one more snow day, but I’m also thinking about how much I want to get into the garden. Our schedule tempts us not to garden at all,…

  • The Mystery of the Rapture

    The Mystery of the Rapture

    Do you believe in the Rapture? If you do, it might surprise you to learn that many Christians do not. And, an increasing number of Believers who do believe in the Rapture do not believe in a Pre-Tribulation (or, pre-wrath) Rapture. There is also a whole category of Christians who just can’t decide what they…

  • 10 Fast Facts about Faith

    10 Fast Facts about Faith

    Faith is not reasonable. Hebrews 11 Faith is a gift of God. Romans 12:3 Faith should grow. 2 Thessalonians 1:3 | Romans 4:20 Faith can die. James 2:17 Faith is precious. 1 Peter 1:7 Faith protects us. Ephesians 6:16 Faith must be guarded. 2 Timothy 4:7 Faith is defeated by Fear. Mark 4:35-41 Faith and…

  • TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

    TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

    It’s Throwback Thursday, so I am sharing a post from April 4, 2016. It is about a question I was asked at a critical time in my life in April 2001. It literally did change my life. It was the beginning of the end of me. Click here to read  “Self-Examinations Are Always Graded On…

  • When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

    When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

    I’ve been thinking about something: I’ve been thinking about how the Son of God became like us, and how we will one day become like Him. 1. God the Son was originally an eternally alive Spirit. He was not created, not born. He was always. 2. After the Fall of mankind, we needed a Savior.…

  • Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

    Saturday Evening Post, 4/6/19

    It’s an early Spring for us here in New England, and today was a beautiful day. The whole week, really, has been lovely. I am still hoping for one more snow day, but I’m also thinking about how much I want to get into the garden. Our schedule tempts us not to garden at all,…

  • The Mystery of the Rapture

    The Mystery of the Rapture

    Do you believe in the Rapture? If you do, it might surprise you to learn that many Christians do not. And, an increasing number of Believers who do believe in the Rapture do not believe in a Pre-Tribulation (or, pre-wrath) Rapture. There is also a whole category of Christians who just can’t decide what they…

  • 10 Fast Facts about Faith

    10 Fast Facts about Faith

    Faith is not reasonable. Hebrews 11 Faith is a gift of God. Romans 12:3 Faith should grow. 2 Thessalonians 1:3 | Romans 4:20 Faith can die. James 2:17 Faith is precious. 1 Peter 1:7 Faith protects us. Ephesians 6:16 Faith must be guarded. 2 Timothy 4:7 Faith is defeated by Fear. Mark 4:35-41 Faith and…

  • TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

    TBT: The Question That Changed My Life

    It’s Throwback Thursday, so I am sharing a post from April 4, 2016. It is about a question I was asked at a critical time in my life in April 2001. It literally did change my life. It was the beginning of the end of me. Click here to read  “Self-Examinations Are Always Graded On…

  • When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

    When We Will Really Become Like Jesus

    I’ve been thinking about something: I’ve been thinking about how the Son of God became like us, and how we will one day become like Him. 1. God the Son was originally an eternally alive Spirit. He was not created, not born. He was always. 2. After the Fall of mankind, we needed a Savior.…