loss

How Could This Happen?

/ SaxophoneWife / Leave a comment

“Oh!”

She had just opened her phone to reply to a text.

“I only saw this now. I’m so sorry.” His voice doesn’t sound normal. She starts to reply to the message, as he calls out to her from the other room. “T was found unresponsive in his apartment!” Emotion is filling his voice.

Her first thought, the first words that come out of her mouth: “Is he okay? Where is he?” She is running down a mental checklist of what they will need to take with them to the hospital, but suddenly realizes what unresponsive means. Now, her mind is flooded. Thoughts race into her consciousness. The computer crashes. T is dead?

Reboot and reload and thoughts and images and words and sounds and so many memories fill up the screen. Tears explode. Questions. So many questions. Who wrote you? Who’s that? How do they know? What time did it happen? Do the girls know? Who are your writing? How could this happen?

“I should write J.”

Just then, J calls. Wanted to make sure they knew. too. He’s weeping. They’re all weeping. She begins to realize how many people are hurting right now—how many people his life touched. How could this happen?

The weight of grief falls so instantly. Grasping the size of this loss is impossible. There was no preparation for this, no opportunity to prepare for how bad it would feel. How could this happen?

God is on everyone’s mind. His sovereignty. His mercy. His kindness. God knows the worth of a life, the impact. The thoughts just keep coming. His first time at The Farm. The light in his eyes each time he mentions his girls. The tears that flow when he tells of God’s goodness. Or, when he mourns those who are still lost in their brokenness and sin. How could this happen?

Emails and text messages, carefully worded, fly away to the ones who will want to know. Their hearts are not prepared to be broken, and words cannot relieve the pain they are about to feel. All week long it’s, “Did you tell…? What about…? Does…know?”

Tears stop and start suddenly. Sleepless nights roll into one long state of unbelief. His best friend. How could this happen?

-cg

Please, click to read about Tom. He should be known and remembered.

Companions

/ SaxophoneWife / 1 Comment

I have been keeping company with Sadness today.

Sadness was a frequent guest last year. When the new year brought new loss, he set-up camp. I did not invite him, but he does not leave.

Most of the time, I find his company bearable. He is not usually oppressive. Present, but only passively imposing himself. Most days, I hold my focus on Happiness, and Sadness lurks in the shadows. I can almost convince myself he isn’t even there.

Then I turn a corner just a moment too soon, and come face-to-face with my old enemy. A painful confrontation. I am suddenly reminded of all that is lost, and Happiness is unseated.

Happiness is always fleeting.

01b36825406aa7b3453c493779a5139749df00e436

Ah, but I have learned not to depend on Happiness. She is my fickle friend. Hope is my true and steady friend; always near. I take her hand and face Sadness down.

❤

From the blog

Stay up to date with the latest from our blog.

  • Saturday Evening Post: 10/6/18

    Saturday Evening Post: 10/6/18

    Eh. Mexican Cornbread Pie for dinner.  LINK We have bats in our attic. Isn’t that funny? Disrespect and the ministry kind of go hand-in-hand. It’s annoying.…

  • A Short Story

    A Short Story

    Looking through some old files, I found this bit of fiction. Sharing quickly, and as is—before I edit it to death or think about it…

  • Easy Chocolate Shell Recipe

    Easy Chocolate Shell Recipe

    Now, when I say this is easy, I mean you can make this recipe with one hand tied behind your back and your eyes closed. It’s…

  • Saturday Evening Post 8/18/18

    Saturday Evening Post 8/18/18

    There are certain things I am just not going to do anymore. Overall, my yard this year is a bit of a wild mess. Not…

  • My Applesauce Testimony

    If you follow Christ, if you know Him as Lord and Savior, you have a testimony to tell. However, Satan knows that our testimony will give God glory, and he wants all the glory for himself. He doesn’t want to hear the name of Jesus praised.  Yet, now more than ever the world needs to hear…

  • Judging Adam

    Have you ever wondered how Adam could have risked all the pleasures of Eden—not to mention his intimacy with God—for just a bite of fruit? He wasn’t lacking in fresh fruit, not by any means. It’s not as if he was even hungry. He and Eve enjoyed all the abundance of the Garden. It was…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 4/13/19

    I guess the closet thing we have to hobbies are gardening and grandparenting. Today we took our first trip to the local nursery. They have very wisely expanded their business from just a green house to a family destination, year by year adding something new to the property: a chatty macaw, a playground, an ice…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

  • My Applesauce Testimony

    My Applesauce Testimony

    · · ·

    If you follow Christ, if you know Him as Lord and Savior, you have a testimony to tell. However, Satan knows that our testimony will give God glory, and he wants all the glory for himself. He doesn’t want to hear the name of Jesus praised.  Yet, now more than ever the world needs to hear…

  • Judging Adam

    Judging Adam

    ·

    Have you ever wondered how Adam could have risked all the pleasures of Eden—not to mention his intimacy with God—for just a bite of fruit? He wasn’t lacking in fresh fruit, not by any means. It’s not as if he was even hungry. He and Eve enjoyed all the abundance of the Garden. It was…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 4/13/19

    Saturday Evening Post: 4/13/19

    · · ·

    I guess the closet thing we have to hobbies are gardening and grandparenting. Today we took our first trip to the local nursery. They have very wisely expanded their business from just a green house to a family destination, year by year adding something new to the property: a chatty macaw, a playground, an ice…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 11/25/17

    Well, it’s a little late to call this Saturday Evening, but so it goes. It’s the end of a long day and a long week. I didn’t want to be up this late, but I allowed my hope in a lost cause to hijack three hours of my evening. Stupid mistake; I’ve fallen for that…

  • He Thought It Was A Joke

    He Thought It Was A Joke

    Tonight, we served Thanksgiving Dinner at The Ladder House. The men at the house are all under the jurisdiction of the county jail, but they have earned work release and are allowed to rent a room there. We host an NBF Discipleship Group there weekly, and from time to time we like to take them…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

    THIRTEEN This week we marked the anniversary of a life-changing decision we made in 2004. HIM: Trust Me. US: Oh, Lord, we do! We really do! And, we’re so excited! We can’t wait to dive into this new work You’ve given us to do. HIM: Do you see that cliff? US: Yes. Oh, yes, we…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

    Pride and jealousy make me sick and weary. Lies and deceitfulness make me sicker and more weary. Our health insurance in 2018 will be more than three times higher. Doug is going to make sure they have our income right. Even twice as much would be hard for the ministry to cover. We may have…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

    THE MUSCLES YOU NEED TO DRINK COFFEE Not sure what they’re called, but I pulled them this week. Took Thursday night off, because my side hurt so much. Felt almost normal on Friday, but when I went to bed last night it was like, “Psyche! Just kidding!” This morning it felt worse than it had…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

Latest episodes

Our latest, ready for you to listen

  • My Applesauce Testimony

    If you follow Christ, if you know Him as Lord and Savior, you have a testimony to tell. However, Satan knows that our testimony will give God glory, and he wants all the glory for himself. He doesn’t want to hear the name of Jesus praised.  Yet, now more than ever the world needs to hear…

  • Judging Adam

    Have you ever wondered how Adam could have risked all the pleasures of Eden—not to mention his intimacy with God—for just a bite of fruit? He wasn’t lacking in fresh fruit, not by any means. It’s not as if he was even hungry. He and Eve enjoyed all the abundance of the Garden. It was…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 4/13/19

    I guess the closet thing we have to hobbies are gardening and grandparenting. Today we took our first trip to the local nursery. They have very wisely expanded their business from just a green house to a family destination, year by year adding something new to the property: a chatty macaw, a playground, an ice…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

  • My Applesauce Testimony

    My Applesauce Testimony

    · · ·

    If you follow Christ, if you know Him as Lord and Savior, you have a testimony to tell. However, Satan knows that our testimony will give God glory, and he wants all the glory for himself. He doesn’t want to hear the name of Jesus praised.  Yet, now more than ever the world needs to hear…

  • Judging Adam

    Judging Adam

    ·

    Have you ever wondered how Adam could have risked all the pleasures of Eden—not to mention his intimacy with God—for just a bite of fruit? He wasn’t lacking in fresh fruit, not by any means. It’s not as if he was even hungry. He and Eve enjoyed all the abundance of the Garden. It was…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 4/13/19

    Saturday Evening Post: 4/13/19

    · · ·

    I guess the closet thing we have to hobbies are gardening and grandparenting. Today we took our first trip to the local nursery. They have very wisely expanded their business from just a green house to a family destination, year by year adding something new to the property: a chatty macaw, a playground, an ice…

Blog

Welcome to a world of limitless possibilities, where the journey is as exhilarating as the destination, and where every moment is an opportunity to make your mark on the canvas of existence. The only limit is the extent of your imagination.

  • Indulge Her!

    Indulge is a good word with a bad reputation. Indulge verb, in·dulge \in-ˈdəlj\ 1: to allow (yourself) to have or do something as a special pleasure 2: to allow (someone) to have or do something even though it may not be proper, healthy, appropriate, etc. 3: to patiently allow (someone) to do or say something…

  • He Is Even For Despicable Me

    This has been a hard day. A hard day, following a brutal weekend. It has not been an easy season for us in the ministry. Either the Enemy is bringing out the heavy artillery, or we are really just failing the Lord. Our heart aches for people we love. We continue to put it all…

  • Truth and Freedom

    Yesterday, as I was thinking about the freedoms that have been fought for and died for by the brave men and women who have served in our armed forces, I found myself thinking about the freedoms that have been surrendered by the American voter. Once upon a time, America was “one nation under God,” and…

  • You Scream, I Scream…Um, guys, we all really need to stop.

     “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, KJV) “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.” (Proverbs 15:1, TLB) “A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, Amp.) “A gentle response…

  • For Movie Lovers

    I love movies. Don’t get me started. One of my favorite childhood memories is staying up late on Friday night with my sisters to watch old movies on TV.  We’d gather our pillows and blankets and sit as close to the TV as possible, so we could keep the volume as low as possible in order to wake-up…

  • Knowing God’s Will

    I would like to introduce you to my Mother. There’s much I can say about Rev. Stella Lucille Mosqueda, but I will just share the quality I respected most: my Mother was a woman who feared the Lord. From the time she was a young child, her one desire was to serve Him.  She battled the same…

Subscribe

Enter your email below to receive updates.

  • Saturday Evening Post: 11/25/17

    Well, it’s a little late to call this Saturday Evening, but so it goes. It’s the end of a long day and a long week. I didn’t want to be up this late, but I allowed my hope in a lost cause to hijack three hours of my evening. Stupid mistake; I’ve fallen for that…

  • He Thought It Was A Joke

    He Thought It Was A Joke

    Tonight, we served Thanksgiving Dinner at The Ladder House. The men at the house are all under the jurisdiction of the county jail, but they have earned work release and are allowed to rent a room there. We host an NBF Discipleship Group there weekly, and from time to time we like to take them…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

    THIRTEEN This week we marked the anniversary of a life-changing decision we made in 2004. HIM: Trust Me. US: Oh, Lord, we do! We really do! And, we’re so excited! We can’t wait to dive into this new work You’ve given us to do. HIM: Do you see that cliff? US: Yes. Oh, yes, we…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

    Pride and jealousy make me sick and weary. Lies and deceitfulness make me sicker and more weary. Our health insurance in 2018 will be more than three times higher. Doug is going to make sure they have our income right. Even twice as much would be hard for the ministry to cover. We may have…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

    THE MUSCLES YOU NEED TO DRINK COFFEE Not sure what they’re called, but I pulled them this week. Took Thursday night off, because my side hurt so much. Felt almost normal on Friday, but when I went to bed last night it was like, “Psyche! Just kidding!” This morning it felt worse than it had…

  • Saturday Evening Post: 11/25/17

    Well, it’s a little late to call this Saturday Evening, but so it goes. It’s the end of a long day and a long week. I didn’t want to be up this late, but I allowed my hope in a lost cause to hijack three hours of my evening. Stupid mistake; I’ve fallen for that…

  • He Thought It Was A Joke

    He Thought It Was A Joke

    Tonight, we served Thanksgiving Dinner at The Ladder House. The men at the house are all under the jurisdiction of the county jail, but they have earned work release and are allowed to rent a room there. We host an NBF Discipleship Group there weekly, and from time to time we like to take them…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.18.17

    THIRTEEN This week we marked the anniversary of a life-changing decision we made in 2004. HIM: Trust Me. US: Oh, Lord, we do! We really do! And, we’re so excited! We can’t wait to dive into this new work You’ve given us to do. HIM: Do you see that cliff? US: Yes. Oh, yes, we…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.11.17

    Pride and jealousy make me sick and weary. Lies and deceitfulness make me sicker and more weary. Our health insurance in 2018 will be more than three times higher. Doug is going to make sure they have our income right. Even twice as much would be hard for the ministry to cover. We may have…

  • My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

    My Saturday Evening Post: 11.4.17

    THE MUSCLES YOU NEED TO DRINK COFFEE Not sure what they’re called, but I pulled them this week. Took Thursday night off, because my side hurt so much. Felt almost normal on Friday, but when I went to bed last night it was like, “Psyche! Just kidding!” This morning it felt worse than it had…